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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fivefires on May 22, 2007, at 19:44:15
I’m a mess. I don’t know if it is because I’ve had breakthrough pain and the meds, or the ‘dissing of me by my family’, but whichever, it is making me crazy!
I’m not thinking clearly or acting myself. I wish I could talk to my P. This is VERY difficult. He doesn’t like start meds via phone. He told me last week he will only be able to see me every 90days now.
Pain so bad today couldn’t go to T. Will call and explain when feel better. I can’t stop crying. I can’t go to ER as will take away cigs once sign me in, not let me go out, and especially once awaiting in bed 'for more hours' and will freak out!
I will call PCP in a.m. re: a Toradol injection.
I’m soooo confused.
I still can’t really understand what I’ve done to make my family so ‘care less’ about me. I took care of my grandmas.. uncle .. all elderly b4 passed away, especially Dad.
Remember I told u what this man said re: my Dad. Said having lunch w/ him few wks earlier and he said he wanted to leave all of what was his to me. Well, when I told my sis-in-law and my mother, all I was thinking was ‘he doesn’t hate me for not being there the last month'. I hate me because maybe he’d lived longer if I’d stayed but crazy Value Options demanded I come back to fill meds. I couldn’t not get meds. I needed them more than ever.
I remember him looking at me as if I were deserting him when I left and I said I’d be back as soon as I can.
I told him privately if anything should happen, imagine me there beside him, holding his hand.
I know it was a mistake to tell any1 what was said to me. It probably hurt them, especially my mo*her, very much. But I was in this sort of shock state and I told them, selfishly, yes, trying to validate, to myself, that he still loved me even though I left just a month before he passed away; that’s what I was really trying to say/do, but the words ‘wanted to leave everything of his to me’, I know now, said something else to my sis-in-law and mot*er.
In this state of shock, and fear I’d let him down, I was so anxious to know that he forgave me, and knowing what this man said, told me he did.
I didn’t want money. I wasn’t thinking about it that way. But that was what the statement meant to the others.
In this state of shock, I made a mistake. It was selfish and hurtful to others. I wish I could undo it.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 22, 2007, at 23:10:57
In reply to Flame waning; think dying, posted by Fivefires on May 22, 2007, at 19:44:15
Five Fires call your therapist. You have no thoughts of self-harm? I think others will respond to this desperate plea for help. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on May 23, 2007, at 10:30:41
In reply to Flame waning; think dying, posted by Fivefires on May 22, 2007, at 19:44:15
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:36:06
In reply to Flame waning; think dying, posted by Fivefires on May 22, 2007, at 19:44:15
Posted by Fivefires on May 25, 2007, at 12:24:55
In reply to Hope you OK (nm) » Fivefires, posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 15:36:06
Tks for well wishes. Don't know what to say about anything anymore. The loss of my mother's caring is hurting me very very much. She says she cares and doesn't mean to hurt me at all, and I believe she believes she is stating the truth. All my siblings - same situation.
I feel very much unloved.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 25, 2007, at 20:02:39
In reply to Re: Hope you OK, posted by Fivefires on May 25, 2007, at 12:24:55
A lot of people love you me included. Love Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on May 27, 2007, at 10:26:43
In reply to Re: Hope you OK » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on May 25, 2007, at 20:02:39
Phillipa,could it be 'major depression' instead of grief?
If so,
only med any P has ever prescribed me,
and don't know why always monotherapy,
from which I felt a lift of my mood,
was 'the great Effexor-XR',
butt, I always, said, 'NOPE TOO MUCH CONTROVERSY. IT MIGHT DAMAGE MY BRAIN' when P wanted to increase from 250MG to 300mg,
and so we, or I, dc'd it ...
lovehasnopride, 5f
ps: u know who sang the song
ps: thinking, wishing, all babble, a 'good', long weekend. Is this a holiday ? ... no ... is it a vacation from grief ? ... or time to realize we are all really all alone; or maybe ya' think I'm just too very lonely?
love, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2007, at 19:59:31
In reply to Re: Hope you OK, posted by Fivefires on May 27, 2007, at 10:26:43
Five Fires I think three years is long enough to grieve someone where it interfers with your life. It is more dangerous to be depressed and have it escalate to you wanting to take your own life so I'd say the benefits of effexor xr far outweights brain damage. Love Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on May 29, 2007, at 21:16:04
In reply to Re: Hope you OK » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2007, at 19:59:31
Thought P might say same, but said 'no AD'.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on May 29, 2007, at 22:11:20
In reply to Re: Hope you OK, posted by Fivefires on May 29, 2007, at 21:16:04
Five fires you mean your pdoc? Love Phillipa that is surprising to me
This is the end of the thread.
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