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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
In this case, high water. We both had to battle floodwaters to get to his office, and since my vehicle is built higher than his, I got there first and waited for him.
I felt bad about leading him to believe that it would upset me to miss therapy today. But strange thing is that for the first time in a long time, it really would. For the first time in a long time, I really felt like I needed to see him. Since last session. Just like it used to be.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think I've been fighting attachment as hard as I've been trying to reattach. It feels good to really really care again. It feels scary to really really care again. Maybe that small flood today gave a preview of why it's scary. And a reminder.
When we settled down, he asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I smiled at him and said "absolutely nothing".
And that's what we talked about. We talked about things that have come up on Babble. We exchanged kidney stone stories. I clarified that it wasn't all mentions of his family that upset me. He reminded me that while his family always came first in his decisions, he though of me a lot when he was making decisions. We watched the water on the road fall. I talked about how I was feeling attached again. At the end I asked him something about attachment and he sat for a while before answering. I accused him of thinking too much before answering and he admitted that he was merely admiring his new glasses, and not thinking much at all.
Oh, and when his cell phone vibrated, I shared with him the suggestion that I answer it next time, and told him I was thinking about it. :D I even shared some of the debated messages I should give as I answered. :)
I'm not sure it made enough of an impression on him. I didnt' see him turn it off. But as it happened, it didn't ring again anyway.
I don't think I'll ever understand why it's him. It's not like I have any illusions at all about him. But it doesn't matter. It's still him. Maybe because he'll come through heck and high water to sit and talk about nothing at all?
Posted by Honore on May 4, 2007, at 21:44:43
In reply to Come heck or high water, posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
I don't know why it's my T, either.
I remember the first day I saw him. It was an ice cold day in January, and it was dark and threatening, with a bitter wind and deep snow piled up everywhere, including in front of his door way.
I was nervous because I didn't think he would have much time available, because he's considered very good-- so I was thinking he probably wouldn't be that interested in seeing me. I normally would never have thought of trying to see him, but someone gave me a recommendation, so I thought maybe it was worth trying. I figured he'd say he didn't have any time, and would give me a referral to someone else.
I just remember having this really strange brief happy feeling when I left his office-- despite that being one of the worst times of my life. I was so depressed, I couldn't even talk for months and months. We would just sit in this horrible silence, and I would kind of zone out, and then eventually he would say something really sort of like he was trying to imagine what I might be going through.
I have no idea why it worked out so well, or why I felt happy that first day. But he definitely is the only T I think I could ever have made such a deep connection with-- so maybe it was that the fates smiled on me for that one day.
Honore
Posted by annierose on May 4, 2007, at 21:51:17
In reply to Come heck or high water, posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
I'm happy that feeling is back. You have been through so much with your trusty "stool" --- and I'm glad it feels like all four legs are back.
Maybe the longing feeling was there because of the water. It brought back memories of the hurricane and when you couldn't see him. So this time, there was a different outcome and a soothing one at that.
I posted to you when you were suffering from kidney stones and my post never appeared. Cyber napster stole my best post ever :-) I'm glad you are feeling better.
Posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2007, at 23:51:52
In reply to Come heck or high water, posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
Sounds like an excellent session, Dinah. I'm glad you both made the effort.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 9:48:34
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water, posted by Honore on May 4, 2007, at 21:44:43
Thanks for sharing that, Honore. It gives such a vivid picture.
I'm glad the fates smiled that day.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 9:53:55
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water, posted by annierose on May 4, 2007, at 21:51:17
> I'm happy that feeling is back. You have been through so much with your trusty "stool" --- and I'm glad it feels like all four legs are back.
It does, although it still scares me a bit.
> Maybe the longing feeling was there because of the water. It brought back memories of the hurricane and when you couldn't see him. So this time, there was a different outcome and a soothing one at that.
The longing started last session, which made it somewhat ironic when the weather forecasts came out Thursday. But one of the first things I said to him was "Do you know how I believe in the fates?" and he laughed and told me he thought he recalled something vaguely like that (grin) and I told him that I thought maybe the fates were trying to tell me that falling into the relationship again was a bad idea, with the flood. And he smiled and said they must not be, because he *did* get through and we *did* have our session. That if the fates were talking, that must not have been their message.
> I posted to you when you were suffering from kidney stones and my post never appeared. Cyber napster stole my best post ever :-) I'm glad you are feeling better.
Annoying how that happens! :) Yes, as far as I can tell it might have broken up somewhere along the way.
Thanks, Annierose. You know, you've been a pretty strong leg to me over the years as well. Thank you for that.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 9:54:20
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water, posted by annierose on May 4, 2007, at 21:51:17
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 9:58:10
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on May 4, 2007, at 23:51:52
It was nice, and I'm glad we did too. The streets appeared to be clear by the time I left, so I am hoping he had no major cause to regret it.
I think the important session must bave been last one. I think I was talking about emotional divorce, and as usual when I experience one, I start fearing I'll emotionally divorce everyone. I was whining that I didn't feel connected. That I had come hoping to feel connected, and emotionally held, and that I didn't. I don't remember all of it, but I remember he stretched out his hand and held on and told me that I needed to hold on tightly myself. At the time, it didn't help, any of what he said. But maybe it had a time delayed reaction.
Posted by Poet on May 5, 2007, at 11:22:27
In reply to Come heck or high water, posted by Dinah on May 4, 2007, at 20:56:57
Hi Dinah,
I think you've got it: he'll come through heck and high water to sit and talk bout nothing at all with you.
I like those sessions where my T and I talk about movies or something that is not my boring old negative thoughts.
I hope you get to answer his cell phone for him. It's a shame to waste those creative messages you came up with ;)
Poet
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 11:55:01
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water » Dinah, posted by Poet on May 5, 2007, at 11:22:27
I agree. :)
He answered with a rather sarcastic "Hah, hah. Very funny."
But really, it's terribly distracting even if he doesn't answer it. He picks it up and looks at it, apparently seeing who is calling. Or he'll fumble with it for some reason I don't understand. I lose my train of thought entirely as I politely wait for him to return his attention to his client, me. He hasn't taken my objections to it very seriously.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 5, 2007, at 12:10:36
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water » Poet, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 11:55:01
Does his phone not have a silence call function? Or skip or something? Every cell I've had would have this feature that allows you to stop the ringing of the phone without answering or disconnecting the call. That way, the call can go to voicemail as usual, but you don't have to listen to the ringing.
Of course, there's always the silent mode or vibrate mode...That would make it unnecessary to silence any call at all. Frankly, I think it's unprofessional to allow a distraction like that when it can be managed so easily.
But aside from all that...sounds like a couple of really good sessions. :)
gg
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 12:24:31
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on May 5, 2007, at 12:10:36
He does have it on vibrate, but he puts it on the table next to him and it vibrates and skitters across the table, so he picks it up, looks at it, and fiddles with it.
He told me once that he had to be available in case his family called. But heck, his family knows where he works, they could call the main desk in a true emergency. And it is his only "office" phone so all his calls go there. I can see specific occasions where he might need to leave it on, but I think explaining that he needs to leave it on this session (without explaining why in particular) and a sincere sounding apology would be nice. I would never do such a thing. Not in my sessions with him, and not at my work either. Doesn't "hold my calls" indicate that you are placing the meeting you are in on a high level of importance? I thought of asking him how much I'd have to pay for his undivided attention sessions, but was afraid he'd name a price. :)
But you're right. They have been good sessions, apart from that ongoing annoyance.
Like I said, I have no idea why it's him. ;)
Posted by annierose on May 5, 2007, at 20:41:21
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 12:24:31
Not to redirect the goodness of this post ... but touching on a side point ...
My t also keeps her cell phone w/vibrate mode on her desk. And yes, it does skitter and twirl. She always apologizes and turns off the vibrate after it goes off AND after she checks who calls.
She doesn't turn off her desk phone either. I have gotten use to it ringing during our sessions. She completely ignores it and keeps talking. I think she has learned to tuned it out. It bothered me in the beginning but now I am used to it. If I can guess why she doesn't turn the ringer off - knowing her as I know her - she probably kept forgetting to turn her phone back on in-between sessions and was missing phone calls she could have taken. Or the ringing phone reminds her to check for messages between sessions.
Once when I was having a particularly difficult session, and her phone rang twice within minutes, she did turn off her ringer.
I think Dinah and I just accept this practice of our therapists as a minor quirk in otherwise wonderful people.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 21:09:10
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » Dinah, posted by annierose on May 5, 2007, at 20:41:21
Well, I can't say I have accepted it.
I'd more say I am working on it.
I do accept quirks happily enough - and heaven knows I've accepted plenty, but that particular one really messes up my sessions.
Have you ever talked to her about it?
Posted by annierose on May 5, 2007, at 21:40:15
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » annierose, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 21:09:10
No, not really. The one time she turned off her desk phone was during a very difficult time for me. I sighed heavily and she knew the phone aggitated me.
It bothered me in the beginning and not so much now --- unless it goes off more than once during a session. Most sessions are completely phone free. I have made a comment like, "someone must really want to talk to you," if it rings back to back.
She knows that I'm sensitive to noises. Just last week she told me before we began, "my computer is going to make a weird noise any minute now, I just wanted to let you know." And it was a weird noise - can't quite explain it - like a firework on it's last breath of air.
Getting back to the phone ringing - it doesn't mess up my sessions.
What does your t say when you ask him about it?
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 22:20:47
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » Dinah, posted by annierose on May 5, 2007, at 21:40:15
Honestly, he sends me mixed messages. Sometimes he makes a show out of turning it off. One time he came into session sure I was going to be angry about it from the previous session, and showed me that he'd learned how to operate it and turn the ringer off.
Yet other times he seems oblivious to even the heaviest of hints and sighs and outright complaints.
The first time I mentioned straight out (as opposed to hinting and sighing) that it bothered me, he said he needed to be available in case his family needed him. But since he's in a suite of offices, I daresay his wife (who works across the street by the way) could manage to get in touch with him should there be a dire emergency. You should hear my thoughts on the matter. They're not fit for repeating.
I nearly always lose my train of thought, definitely my mood, when it happens, and it usually happens more than once a session.
I don't think I'm unreasonable when it comes to him. Well, I suppose we'd both say we bend backwards to accomodate one another. But this one really annoys me, not because it hurts me or anything like that. But because it really does disrupt the session.
I don't know though. Maybe it's my irritation that disrupts the session. Although I don't think so. I had left my phone on for an important call from the vet one session, and got another call that I ignored, but found so distracting that I took the chance and turned the phone off anyway.
Posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 22:26:13
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » annierose, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 22:20:47
But in the end, it is only one part of the total relationship. I guess in the end if he refuses to change, I'll have to learn to accept it.
Although what I want to do is stand up and walk out with a suggestion that he call me when he has a time that is more convenient to him.
Posted by annierose on May 6, 2007, at 7:12:14
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » Dinah, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 22:26:13
You feel so strongly and you have brought up the subject how it bothers you, so I imagine it brings up "what about me" type feelings. Your wishes being cast aside. And if my t's phone went off every session it would bother me more. To me, it's more like thunder, a sound that can spontaneously happen but we can keep talking.
Posted by pegasus on May 6, 2007, at 22:13:31
In reply to Re: Come heck or high water -GG too » Dinah, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2007, at 22:26:13
> Although what I want to do is stand up and walk out with a suggestion that he call me when he has a time that is more convenient to him.Oh, yes, I've had that fantasy, too, with my pdoc, who is good, but takes calls every dang time I'm in there. And she talks for a long time, too, sometimes. It's just so *rude*.
I'm love to hear these stories about your relationship with your T, because I respect both of you for what you've accomplished over the years together. And it's great to see how these annoyances (and sometimes a lot more than that) can be overcome, or accomodated, for the sake of your relationship, which is larger than all of that.
peg
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