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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
What's the right approach to envy?
Posted by Dinah on April 28, 2007, at 7:32:18
In reply to Question for you, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
Question for you in return. Can you be more specific?
There are all kinds of reasons for envy, and all kinds of different ways to handle them.
If I feel envy about something completely out of my control, like say I envy Cindy Crawford for her fabulous bone structure, I suppose all I can do is acknowledge that and try to find peace with it and not let it consume me.
If I feel envy about something that is somewhat or completely in my control, like say I envy Cindy Crawford for the fact that she isn't as heavy as I am and has nice muscles, I can acknowledge it and then decide how much I'm willing to give up to have, if not the same body, at least a better one than I've got now. If I envy Mother Theresa for her generous spirit, I can try to cultivate more generosity in myself, using her for a role model. Although I think I'd have to conclude that I am not willing to give up all to serve those in need the way she was.
Does that in any way answer your question, or have I missed the mark?
Posted by karen_kay on April 28, 2007, at 10:39:00
In reply to Question for you, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
yeah, kinda like what dinah said.
or, sometimes you can just delight in it too, right?
for instance, i can envy my neighbors for having such lovely yards and flowers but think in my head 'well, at least they don't have fabulous legs like i do.' so, they kinda cancel out. actually, mine's better (i'd rather have fabulous legs than a lovely yard anyday).
perhaps if you were more specific i could tell you what you have that trumps it anyway..
and at least you ahve that lovely sand. i envy you. (and besides, if i must be honest, and completely unhelpful declan, i envy your intelligence. could you help me with that?)
usually the only thing that i envy is a person who's able to convey their point well. that's somethign i feel i'm never able to do. perhaps i shoudl look up the definition of envy. sorry, i'm feeling dense yet again...
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on April 28, 2007, at 11:26:20
In reply to Question for you, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
> What's the right approach to envy?
My T told me that the difference between envy and jealousy is that with envy you want to destroy the happiness that the other person has, via acquiring (or merely destroying) the source of that happiness.
With jealousy, you merely want a piece, or perhaps all of their source of happiness.
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Approaching envy is to approach incivility. To take something from another. In the USA there's the freedom of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Perhaps the pursuit of happiness at another's expense is not exactly what the founding fathers had in mind.
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and since this is Declan
... because the story will no doubtedly unfold in a very interesting saga... of human motivation, the thwarting factors, and yellowtail sushi.
If it's sushi. steal it. there are more fish in the sea. If it's something much more precious, think twice. All that glimmers is not gold.
-Ll
Posted by Honore on April 28, 2007, at 13:22:54
In reply to Question for you, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
Well, I approach it with trepidation and a certain amount of skepticism and self-loathing.
Then if I get closer, I try to remember that it's not good for me, and that what matters and what I can work with is whatever my strengths and limitations are, and, if I can find any liking or kindness toward the person I envy, in myself, I remember that feeling, and it puts me in touch with being able to connect to what they have in a sense of fraternity (or sorority).
Sometimes that just doesn't work-- and then I give in and snarl mentally whenever the person comes to mind, and think about the fatal flaw in their personality or mind that turns me off-- which gives me a lot of temporary, if possibly not admirable, comfort. Then, I can usually forget it.
Honore
Posted by Honore on April 28, 2007, at 13:23:57
In reply to Question for you, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 1:35:21
Of course, that's not the right way, particularly-- just the way I do it.
How do you approach envy?
Honore
Posted by Racer on April 28, 2007, at 14:19:45
In reply to Re: Question for you --PS » Declan, posted by Honore on April 28, 2007, at 13:23:57
"Living well is the best revenge." I guess that's one way to deal with envy...
Seriously, I don't know. I get caught into a nasty maelstrom of envy and misery, feeling that my life is so totally screwed beyond any hope of repair -- and all those other people out there have hope I can never get. It leads to me crying, and miserable, and long sessions in my psychoterrorist's office. I think for me, part of getting past the envy is to face up to how thoroughly screwed up my life really is, and stop wishing and hoping it could be different. Then I hope I'll be able to appreciate those parts of my life which are not FUBAR.
Then again, that's pretty specific to me.
And plastic surgery and losing thirty pounds would satisfy a lot of it...
Posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2007, at 16:25:56
In reply to Oscar Wilde said... » Honore, posted by Racer on April 28, 2007, at 14:19:45
Racer I tried the plastic surgery and ended up with complications. I'd recommend a cream for sundamage spots or a while down the road a long way for you age spots. I don't envy but wish I were younger and could do some things differently like keeping working when that bad pdoc said no you don't want to work anymore do you while shaking his head no. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made as my passion was my work. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 18:45:00
In reply to Re: Oscar Wilde said... » Racer, posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2007, at 16:25:56
Hello everyone
I wondered because you hear people talking about (say) social phobia in which envy is surely a result, if not a cause.
The correct line on envy (such as I recall it at this time of the morning) is that it is a feeling, which empties out and turns the envied person bad.
Once envy comes in alienation is close behind.
And then some see the sense of seperation as the standout symptom of depression.Apart from mindfulness, I'm not sure what you do.
Maybe the emptying out quality of envy is a little similar to the process of engulfment?What does Iago mean anyway when he says 'I am not what I am'?
Does he just mean 'I am not what I seem', or does he mean something more creepy?Oscar Wilde also said that
'wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others',
which doesn't seem to be of much use these days, but
'It is only the gods who taste of death. Apollo has passed away, buy Hyacinth, whom men say he slew, lives on. Nero and Narcissus are always with us'
seems right.
This is the end of the thread.
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