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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 19:35:55
Ok... I swear I feel 100lbs lighter but 50 yrs older. :/
The new T is really really nice. I liked him ok the first meeting but it was such a blur and he didn't say much. Today was more interactive and he seems very open and unguarded. I had been worried because the first time he seemed very..i dunno.. official maybe? businessy? Today he smiled, he listened, he talked and he even made me laugh. Nicely done. :o)
We ran over time by quite a bit, as much his fault as mine.
I took the letter with me and i told him upfront that i had written one but that i had chickened out. We talked about a lot of what i had said in the letter. We talked about CBT and how he works, he was very willing to individualize and he is NOT a purist.
I told him he HAS to ask me hard questions and he has to hear what i don't say. i gave him an example of a question i felt he should have asked but didn't and he showed me his notepad.. there was three big exclamation points to remind him to ask next time... cool!!
I did tell him about my feelings for my former T. He understood instantly. I didn't tell him details, just that I was seriously attached. We talked about that for a bit. There wasn't a lot he could do in one session, esp since we had so much else to talk about.
i dettach from anything painful.. so i am able to just talk about terrible events in my life.
But I told him he HAS to ask me if he wants me to tell him something or get information. I can list off events, but he has to ask me to.. and i simply cannot speak if I try to convey feeling. I just cannot make sound come out. I said that I can't help but present this fascade to people, including him and it would likely never happen that I would cry in front of him. I told him he should buy a lotto ticket on the day that happens!He seems very sharp and extremely gentle. :o) The big thing is that I felt good about it when I left. :o) :o)
Posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 20:21:39
In reply to Update... smiling gazo :o), posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 19:35:55
Yay Gazo!
I am so happy for you. I love your honesty, that is really a wonderful value to have, and it seems like you told your T what you needed from him. Plus it seems like he "knew" even from just meeting and talking to you.
I wish you the best of luck! You seem to want to improve your life, and I think that is what it takes to do it! I am proud of you! ;-)
Posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 21:27:39
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » gazo, posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 20:21:39
oh... you gave me tears... but good ones... :o)
i am excited and terrified. i am trying to blurt it all out at once. Part of me thinks he will walk away because my life has been a mess and he will see working with me as a BIG nasty mountain to climb.
i am trying to be honest, but it's hard. i can talk about *events* but not feelings. i can talk about things which have scarred me mentally and physically as casually as you please. i just can't talk about feelings surrounding them. i can't even connect to them.
i really want to give him as much of the inside track as i can.
he did seem pretty intuitive and sharp. :o)
Posted by sunnydays on March 26, 2007, at 21:39:53
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 21:27:39
He'll be fine. I started out like that too - only I couldn't really even talk about what happened. And I could talk about feelings even less. So there was a lot of silence. But my T was patient and figured me out. Sometimes it's better just to let the process unfold, I think (I hope). You don't have to protect him - he has probably seen someone similar to you before (although I hate hearing that, so tell me to shut up if you want). Good luck, though. Having a good T is a precious gift, something to hold in your heart and treasure and cherish. You are important, and he is there to help you. Good luck.
sunnydays
Posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 22:41:33
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » gazo, posted by sunnydays on March 26, 2007, at 21:39:53
i am touched that even though you have been feeling so sad you took the time to reply. BTW, i was pleased to see that you now can have more phone access to your T. That must be a huge relief for you. i know you are still sad but it will help in time.
it's funny that you mentioned me protecting him... he said that today about someone else he felt i was protecting... you are pretty on the ball too :o)
i won't tell you to shut up. i want to hear what you have to say. i value the opinions and thoughts i get from people... it's very helpful.
Posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 22:47:51
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 21:27:39
Hi gazo,
We have more in common than you know! ;-) When I came to therapy for the first time ever 2 years ago, I could say such and such happened, blah, blah, blah, but if he asked me feelings about it, I was indifferent, almost non-feeling about the events. Now I also had recent stuff which was what brought me to therapy in the first place, but when we dug deeper, into the past is when we discovered the real reasons for my current tramua.
I also had a big list of stuff for my T to help me with, and I always questioned if I was too much for him, or is he getting sick of me, etc. Well he always replied that working with someone that has had some much tragic stuff in their life happen to them, gives him even more joy when he can help SO MUCH.
The thing about therapy though is that you don't always progess in a straight line, sometimes you go slow or backwards, sometimes you stay in place for a long time, and sometimes you are moving at the speed of sound. So it will take time specially if there is a lot to work out.A special thing I have noticed in you is that you have the drive and the williness to put yourself there and to do whatever is nessary it seems. It seems like the fact you are ready is maybe more important than who you are working with. I am excited to watch you, you have spunk! :-)
Posted by Honore on March 27, 2007, at 0:12:15
In reply to Update... smiling gazo :o), posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 19:35:55
That sounds like a really good first appointment, gazo. Everything you would want-- a nice person, who seems interested and responsive to you-- gets what you're saying.
And you seem more than ready to enter into the process in a constructive, searching spirit, which is so great to see.
It takes time, but it sounds like he's ready to accept and help you to feel a lot better about many things.
Doesn't sound like he's running away from you, in the least.
Honore
Posted by gazo on March 27, 2007, at 8:13:17
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » gazo, posted by Honore on March 27, 2007, at 0:12:15
Thank you :o) I am just on full speed so i am confused a little. the worries start creeping in. i have been finding the things people post here very informative... and no judgements or anything, i just sometimes see the hurt or confusion they are in and it helps me see some of my own. You are full of good information honore, i value your input. :o)
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 8:35:53
In reply to Update... smiling gazo :o), posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 19:35:55
I'm late for therapy and for work, but I wanted to tell you I'm glad things went well. :)
Posted by gazo on March 27, 2007, at 8:36:47
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » gazo, posted by Happyflower on March 26, 2007, at 22:47:51
mornin' flower happy flower :o)
> We have more in common than you know! ;-)
Apparently!! There is SO much in what you said that i relate to. i have been finding your optimism very encouraging. i would love to hear more about your proces, but only if you feel like sharing.. you don't have to give events or anything.. just what clicked for you.>When I came to therapy for the first time ever 2 years ago, I could say such and such happened, blah, blah, blah, but if he asked me feelings about it, I was indifferent, almost non-feeling about the events.
THAT is it exactly. i am so disconnected. sometimes i think i have no feelings at all. i live life as a fake.
>
> I also had a big list of stuff for my T to help me with, and I always questioned if I was too much for him, or is he getting sick of me, etc. Well he always replied that working with someone that has had some much tragic stuff in their life happen to them, gives him even more joy when he can help SO MUCH.again, bingo! i wonder if my T will feel that way. i am basically waiting for the part when we hit where i am completely stuck and he gets bored or frustrated. everyone around me has gotten frustrated already. i don't tell my friends what is happening because they love me but they are just tired of it
> A special thing I have noticed in you is that you have the drive and the williness to put yourself there and to do whatever is nessary it seems. It seems like the fact you are ready is maybe more important than who you are working with. I am excited to watch you, you have spunk! :-)
Awwwwww. :o):o):o) thanks. right now i am excited because this appt went so well.. he actually seemed engaged and interested.. i am afraid he won't stay that way, but it felt good at the time. The brave face is partially just that, a face without the courage behind it. That part depends on his skill. I am trying to give him the best shot at helping me.. i have worked hard on my own to get to where i am, i need him to guide me.. but he has to get through to the me inside, the one that hurts so much... the one i have disconnected from.
Posted by gazo on March 27, 2007, at 8:50:22
In reply to :-) » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 8:35:53
Posted by sunnydays on March 27, 2007, at 9:37:06
In reply to Re: Update... smiling gazo :o) » sunnydays, posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 22:41:33
Can't write much because I have a test in a half hour I have to go to, but I wanted to say the only reason that I came up with protecting him was because I feel a HUGE need to protect my T right now. That's why I couldn't tell him how bad I was feeling yesterday. I'm worried maybe he can't really listen to me right now and is just trying to be nice, so I'm torn with how much to tell him. We'll see what happens Wednesday.
sunnydays
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