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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gazo on March 22, 2007, at 17:03:12
I am sorry that i kinda barged into this place..story of my life really. I told you I am female, seeing a male T (both former and new are men), I'm 30-something and in Canada. I don't know what else I can say because I have strong fears about being identified. I was once stalked.
Ok. I decided to sit down and write my new T a letter. I have a crisis brewing on the horizon and I don't want to waste a lot of my 50 minutes asking him this stuff. I have a REALLY hard time asking for things, or asking certain types of questions as I have anxiety about boundaries, appropriateness, etc. It would take me the whole session just to get half of the questions asked.
I am asking questions like whether he uses other techniques outside of CBT, can i call him if i need to, will he continue with me as long as I feel i need him?
But i am terrified. I don't know if I can trust him yet, but i am losing the one person I DO trust. i can't survive having this guy decide he's not right for me. What if when I ask about dealing with past traumas he thinks I need someone who does longer term? What if I ask about calling him and he thinks I am too difficult?
What if he doesn't get it that I need him to really probe me in order for me to tell him things I am dying to express to somebody? What if he turns out not to be very intuitive?
What if he hates me? or I bore him?
i know i frustrated my lsat T because I am so very stuck in a particular pattern. I am very convincing and hard headed.. it's not that I don't want to change but he has to be able to reach the me that is hiding inside here.
How do i get this across to him? I am afraid I will scare him away. I know sometimes T's don't want to take on difficult people.
i don't know where my termination anxiety ends and where my anciety over the new guy begins! Add in that powerful transference and a contract deadline and you've got a large explosion about to happen. :(
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 16:44:36
In reply to Freaking out over letter to T :(, posted by gazo on March 22, 2007, at 17:03:12
I am not doing so well :( My contract is not done.. I have meeting with my boss about that Monday, which means I will be fired. I tried to make notes to take to my last appt with my old T and I just started sobbing.someone... please talk to me
Posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 17:33:15
In reply to Re: Freaking out - won't talk to me?, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 16:44:36
I care, I really do, I just don't know what to say. The whole thing sucks about your old T, and it sucks they way it is being handled. And it sucks that the client is the one who gets hurt in the long run.
I think the letter is a good idea for the most part but I think you should be prepared for what he does with it. He may not read it until you show up or may want you read it to him.But I think most T's would be honored that you are willing to be so open with them from the start. It really shows that you want help and that you really want to improve. I started therapy with a bang, and it helped me move along I think. I think you deserve a lot of credit for going through this. It would be tough for anyone. ((((gazo)))) Keep in touch
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 17:58:14
In reply to ((((((gazo))))))))), posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 17:33:15
Thank you! I am crying.. it is so nice of you to care. i feel like i don't deserve it. i thought maybe i had said something wrong and upset everyone... i often say the wrong thing and drive people away. i don't mean to hurt people!
i am so desperately anxious and lonely. I try to put it in words in the letter and i can't get it down.
i feel like i am some kind of monster. i am a freak trying to live among people... i look so great to everyone around me. they all say how great everything is... it's a lie. i live a lie.
i walk around terrified that somebody will notice what a monster i am.
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 17:59:16
In reply to Freaking out over letter to T :(, posted by gazo on March 22, 2007, at 17:03:12
I'm sorry. I've been on something of a work roll, and not focusing as well as I could be.
I'm not entirely sure of your situation with the new therapist as much as I could be. Do you have much of a choice in therapists? I think if you have the ability to choose the therapist that's right for you, it might be a good idea to have relatively frank discussions before you get too attached to a new therapist, because that's when it hurts least to leave.
But I think most of us would agree with the studies that say therapist theoretical orientation isn't as important as client/therapist fit. Especially since most therapists are relatively flexible. It might be equally as worthwhile to meet with the new therapist and see how it feels to you. And maybe sound out his theoretical viewpoints as you go. If your old therapist recommended him, they probably have similar viewpoints. Or in some areas of the world, you can pretty much assume that all therapists will be CBT.
My therapist would have answered that he does CBT, and if I knew what that was at the time, I might have walked. As it was, I went to see him because he was the only person I spoke to who seemed genuinely interested in working with me. Through all our rocky start, there was something about him that radiated calm. He is so wonderfully placid and accepting. I always say that he is open and receptive, with a firm core. I might from time to time wish that my therapist were more analytically trained or more likely to offer deep insights, but the truth is I wouldn't willingly exchange that for anyone else.
So in other words, I just don't know.
You've missed an important work deadline? I can see why you're upset. It's a shame the weekend comes before your meeting with your boss. Are you sure you'll be let go? I missed a deadline for the first time ever, and I thought for sure I'd be fired. But I wasn't. I got fussed at and they discussed ways to improve my performance and it was dreadfully unpleasant. But I remain chained to the job.
Posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 18:17:12
In reply to Re: ((((((gazo))))))))) » Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 17:58:14
gazo,
You are not a freak or monster, you are just hurting because of your situation. It is okay to feel upset, you have every right to.
Maybe you writing the letter, seems to be helping you process your feelings, but maybe you sould take a break from it for a few days if it is feeling overwhelming.
There are a lot of caring Babblers who probably haven't got to your post yet, so I am sure it has nothing to do with you personally. You seem to be a big help in a lot of posts here and I am glad you are around.
I have been on babble for almost 2 years now, and I have noticed that there are busier days on the boards than others. I will be in chat tonight, if you would like to chat. Take care!
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 18:25:00
In reply to Re: Freaking out over letter to T :( » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 17:59:16
> I'm sorry. I've been on something of a work roll, and not focusing as well as I could be.
no, don't be sorry.. it's not your fault. It's mine. i stomp in here with barely a hello and say the wrong things and expect more than any reasonable person should.
> I'm not entirely sure of your situation with the new therapist as much as I could be. Do you have much of a choice in therapists?
There was some policy that prevented him from making a recommendation... subsidized services vs private i guess. My pdoc recommended a few but i skipped the women, one guy wouldn't talk to me because i have bp and the last one was so old he couldn't possibly connect to me. i ran out of recommended people. i ended up searching the local psych association and calling around. i wanted someone male in an age range closer to my own. i live in a medium size city so there were a few around... sad thing is that most of them are up there is age. Not meaning to say anything is wrong with being older.. but i have issues that an older T wouldn't understand the context of... if that makes sense.
>..before you get too attached to a new therapist, because that's when it hurts least to leave.
i don't think i have a choice anymore. i am so deep in crisis that i have to have *somebody* I met him just once. He seemed nice, but more business-like than my former T... he was so relaxed.
oh god i miss him so much.
> Or in some areas of the world, you can pretty much assume that all therapists will be CBT.
that is pretty much what i see here.. or at least that is what they advertize
>
> ...he was the only person I spoke to who seemed genuinely interested in working with me.that is my experience too.. :( makes me feel more like a monster.
>
> You've missed an important work deadline? I can see why you're upset. It's a shame the weekend comes before your meeting with your boss. Are you sure you'll be let go?pretty much. I was warned and given an extra week to finish. My only hope would be to work around the clock all weekend... i'm trying but i can't think, and i just cry.
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 18:28:34
In reply to Re: ((((((gazo))))))))), posted by Happyflower on March 23, 2007, at 18:17:12
thank you... i am going to set the letter aside for tonight. if i want to write it i have to do it by monday. i am afraid to write it and afraid not to.
the people here seem very caring...
i can't seem to log into chat...?? it keeps saying user not found... am i doing something wrong.
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 18:32:21
In reply to Re: Freaking out over letter to T :( » Dinah, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 18:25:00
Ok, let's focus on work first. I can't tell you the number of work round the clock deadlines I've pulled off. The important thing is not to think too much about everything that needs to be done, and instead think about one part that seems manageable, do that first, then move to another part that seems manageable.
Deep breaths and some focusing. Maybe try to picture other times when you've been particularly productive.
If you don't make it, it's not the end of the world. Most people change jobs several times, but let's give this a shot. I'll be working all weekend too, if it helps you to think of having company.
Don't feel bad about therapists not being overly enthusiastic about seeing you. As I said, I had the same problem. They just seem a bit wary about taking on new clients that don't come through a recommendation. It's nothing personal. I ended up being very happy with my therapist. If this new guy seems nice and easy to talk to, that's a good start.
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 18:33:06
In reply to Re: ((((((gazo))))))))) can't get into chat? » Happyflower, posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 18:28:34
You need to register first.
Use the same user name and password you use for the board.
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 19:04:54
In reply to Re: Freaking out over letter to T :( » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 18:32:21
ok.. i HAVE to try.. i can't lose my job right now. I am in Canada and so i don't have private insurance. If i lose my job i lose having ANY T. (!!!!!!)
I have ten docs to review and consolidate into one coherent report. i have been relying on my ability to just pull up before crashing but it didn't happen this time. :(
i realized i have already wasted 3 hrs staring at that letter and/or crying about it.
thank you about the chat.. i was baffled. :S
Posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 20:44:49
In reply to Freaking out over letter to T :(, posted by gazo on March 22, 2007, at 17:03:12
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 21:15:08
In reply to Re: one document done... nine to go : / (nm), posted by gazo on March 23, 2007, at 20:44:49
Unfortunately I spent the evening sorting through my old vinyl albums, and realizing I've lost my "Hogan's Heroes Sing the Best of WWII".
You probably don't know about my adolescent crush on Bob Crane, aka Colonel Robert Hogan, but believe me, this is a very big deal. :(
Oh well, I should put the loss aside and get back to my work.
Posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 12:06:49
In reply to That's great!!! » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 23, 2007, at 21:15:08
Posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 13:33:54
In reply to Re: That's great!!! 3 down..7 to go... (nm), posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 12:06:49
i don't believe this... what the hell has changed today? Granted, I am doing a lot of bull sh*tting, but that is better than nothing. I won't get any promotions but i might be able to keep my job.
i don't think i could make it through the week if i saw the new T monday only to tell him i lost my job and couldn't come back... :o
Posted by Dinah on March 24, 2007, at 20:56:27
In reply to Re: That's great!!! almost half way there » gazo, posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 13:33:54
I knew you could do it. :)
Posted by gazo on March 24, 2007, at 23:06:12
In reply to Good for you!!! » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 24, 2007, at 20:56:27
i'm not out of the woods yet but it's going better.. one more day get it all done.
Posted by gazo on March 25, 2007, at 11:17:23
In reply to Good for you!!! » gazo, posted by Dinah on March 24, 2007, at 20:56:27
ok... back in the saddle. Doing a really crappy job of it but i am doing it. Trying to stay off the net most of the day. :( Phooey.
This is the end of the thread.
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