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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 51 to 75 of 75. Go back in thread:
Posted by annierose on April 26, 2005, at 15:51:15
In reply to Re: My session yesterday » annierose, posted by gardenergirl on April 26, 2005, at 4:41:42
Are you finished with school this year? Are you leaning towards any type of modality?
Posted by mair on April 26, 2005, at 22:33:10
In reply to My session yesterday, posted by gardenergirl on April 22, 2005, at 10:32:11
gg
I realize I'm jumping into this thread really late, but I don't understand the whole medical/psych dichotomy.For years I've been sort of going along my merry way with meds and therapy trying to ward off and manage the depressive feelings that arise from any number of environmental triggers. In the last couple of months I've fallen into a deeper more sustained depression that my pdoc categorizes as clearly biological. (she stresses this because I tend to question it)
I've actually argued to my therapist that in this state, I'm not sure I should keep going to therapy because my ability to work on anything substantive is compromised, and the last time I saw her I told her that I thought i should stop telling her about suicidal feelings because it makes me feel afterwards like I should apologize to her. Her view is that regardless of the biological factors, there's a real value to therapy when I'm really depressed. Therapy doesn't lose it's value; it just has a different focus and expectations have to be adjusted.
I've spent many sessions, in varying degrees of mental health, talking to her about meds. Sometimes she's the one who suggests that it's time for me to see the pdoc and look into meds changes - she tends to have a more objective view of how I'm doing than I do, and I don't see my pdoc often enough for her to really monitor what's going on. My T also been a good sounding board for me before some pdoc sessions - helping me process the decisions I have to make, and helping me formulate the right questions. But as important as anything, in my case there are a whole host of emotional issues which surround meds issues. Maybe I need to be encouraged to stick with them or maybe I need to be told sometimes that it was ok to drop a particular drug. These issues tend to loom largest when I'm doing worst, and more often than not it's my T who deals with them since I see her so much more frequently than I see my pdoc. Frankly at low times, I'm not sure I could sustain a commitment to stick with a new med and all its attendant side effects if I didn't have someone I could talk to on a more regular basis about what I was feeling about whatever the medication was.
So from my perspective, your T's comment about not being able to help you if you keep talking about meds seemed really off base and it would really have pissed me off.
I hope you're feeling a little safer these days.
mair
Posted by littleone on April 27, 2005, at 15:44:46
In reply to Re: My session yesterday » gardenergirl, posted by mair on April 26, 2005, at 22:33:10
> I've actually argued to my therapist that in this state, I'm not sure I should keep going to therapy because my ability to work on anything substantive is compromised
> Her view is that regardless of the biological factors, there's a real value to therapy when I'm really depressed. Therapy doesn't lose it's value; it just has a different focus and expectations have to be adjusted.
Hi mair, it's nice to see you posting again :)
Did your T explain this further? What value there is in therapy if you just can't work on things or what the adjusted focus and expectations would be?
Posted by gardenergirl on April 28, 2005, at 6:19:19
In reply to Re: My session yesterday » gardenergirl, posted by mair on April 26, 2005, at 22:33:10
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, mair. I am feeling a bit better, but I am still confused about a number of things. And it's brought up a lot of emotion that feels like it is swirling around. It tends to lessen as I get closer to my next session, though. So today I feel pretty calm.
About the medication thing, I think what your T says is exactly right, and he used to be that way too. So his statement that I am "overmedicalizing" does not fit with my history with him. I really think he was just frustrated and having a bad day, but I doubt I will ever get that out of him. I still feel like we need to talk about this same stuff, though, because it was not resolved last week.
He'll probably want to move on to "when else have I felt this way" but I'm not budging until I am less confused, darn it.
Take care, and good to see you back.
gg
Posted by mair on April 28, 2005, at 16:35:26
In reply to Re: My session yesterday » mair, posted by littleone on April 27, 2005, at 15:44:46
The way she described it to me, is that it's important that there be someone to share my pain or hold my pain - this is a concept which is beyond me. In fact when she asked me why it was so important for me to talk to her about my suicidal thinking even if I wasn't really at risk, I couldn't come up with the most basic answer which is that it would decrease my degree of isolation. I should get this because she talks about it all the time - my tendency when I am most depressed to emotionally isolate myself and as I might put it, totally live inside my head. She pointed out to me that nothing about me outwardly changes when I'm depressed. I pretty much look the same and act the same, and she wouldn't know how bad off I am if I didn't tell her. (why can't she see the dark circles under my eyes?) I guess, in her view, it's easy for me to inwardly isolate myself because no one is likely to notice that there's anything wrong.
Before I slipped into this current episode, my therapist and I had been working pretty hard at some issues which have been tough for me. It was difficult and occasionally traumatic, but I felt pretty good about it because I felt that I was stretching myself and maybe actually making some progress. Thus it was doubly upsetting to have to abandon those topics - and we really did have to abandon them because I couldn't begin to sustain the calm or attention to really work on them. Being depressed usually means that I'm tons more anxious generally. My actual experience is that since getting more depressed, I mostly just talk about how miserable I am and she tries to remind me of all that there are several reasons why I should feel confidence that I am going to pull out of this. I feel bad about my end of our sessions - like it's just so much whining, but it is keeping us connected in a way that I'm sure is important and maybe that connection will make it easier to pick up with meatier stuff later on when/if I feel more competent.
Between my vacation and hers, I went a 2 week stretch without seeing her. Normally that's not a very big deal but this time the 6 day stretch from when I got back and my appointment today seemed interminable and I must have told her several times today that I was really glad she was back. Also I jumped at her offer to see me tomorrow. This is just so unusual for me - to feel so acutely that I need her and be able to express that need even in a limited way.
I don't really know what it means.
Thanks for asking - I'm sure this is a much longer answer than you were looking for.
mair
Posted by Dinah on April 28, 2005, at 19:02:28
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » littleone, posted by mair on April 28, 2005, at 16:35:26
Mair, that really was a big step forward for you! I'm so pleased for you and your therapist.
Posted by daisym on April 28, 2005, at 19:15:33
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » littleone, posted by mair on April 28, 2005, at 16:35:26
Isn't it amazing that even if you don't know why you need, you know you just do. And it is good that you can tell her.
I've learned to think of my need for my therapist as insurance of containment. I feel him wrapping around me to help me contain the overflowing emotions and/or the worsing depression. I asked him today if it was OK that I was coming to therapy to "just" meet my attachment needs right now. He sort of grinned at me and said, "yes" but he thought there was so much more going on than "just" that.
But he seemed somehow pleased that I *would* just come to meet this need...said it is a big step for me.
Feels like a step backwards to me.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 29, 2005, at 8:21:22
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » mair, posted by daisym on April 28, 2005, at 19:15:33
I went into yesterday's session feeling less nervous than last week, but still not relaxed like I usually am. I told him about all the emotions I had felt at different times over the week: sadness and sorrow, anger, fear, confusion, etc. One thing I told him I think really struck him, and kind of led him to change his stance a bit. I told him how I woke up very early one morming and was remembering last week's session. I started to cry remembering, because at one point when I was crying very hard in the session, he shifted rather signficantly in his chair. I wasn't looking at him at the time, but I flinched anyway. I don't know what I thought he was doing, but I had this flash in my head that he was going to get up and come over to me. This scared me. And remembering it made me feel very sad. He wondered if I thought he was coming over to harm me, but actually, I think what went through my head was that he might be coming over to soothe me. But yet I flinched and didn't want him near me. (And he wouldn't get up anyway...it would be so foreign).
Anyway, his tone of voice seemed much softer and gentler the rest of the session. I also told him that one of the things I thought I wanted from him but couldn't name last week was soothing. And how feeling that need later in the week felt very primal and infantile to me. It was upsetting that I wanted soothing from him and yet I didn't want him near me. I suspect that I might have been like that as an infant and toddler, too. Insecure attachment?
And then I just put my head back on the couch, closed my eyes, and said "I'm so screwed up!" He usually would challenge that, and I did look at him and say "I know I come by it honestly" but...And then I really started to cry because I just felt like there is nothing that can make up for this pain. You can't go back and fix it. And that is just devastating. I felt a bit safer this session, which is good considering what a blubbery mess I was. Slighly emotionally held. So we are making our way back to relationship.
I also asked him about the transference thing and said I just didnt' understand how I could have been responsible for the whole mess by "needing him to be the bad guy." He adamantly swears that he never said it was all my fault, but rather there were two people in the room. And he admitted that in reflecting about it over the last week (don't you love to hear that your T thinks about you between sessions?), he thinks his comment about making me choose between a medical or psychological approach "might have been sadistic." (Ya think?) At any rate, I had been thinking along the lines that if I did spark this thing off, it would be masochistic of me to "need" conflict in order to get movement out of a rut. Grrrrrr
And we agreed to go to twice a week in a couple of weeks when his schedule opens up. He was very very careful to make sure I understood that it was a schedule issue that was holding it up. I can see why he'd be careful, if I am only hanging onto negative messages lately.
sigh. Needed a significant nap after this one.
But feel better today.
gg
Posted by annierose on April 29, 2005, at 9:18:28
In reply to Update...yesterday's session, posted by gardenergirl on April 29, 2005, at 8:21:22
Hard work, but good work too gg!!
I think you guys are back on course. I am so happy that it seems you are over the hump AND can start 2x per week sessions. I really like going more often.
I know exactly what you mean about flinching and wanting soothing at the same time. This is EXACTLY what my T and I are working on too!! Those exact words as well ... how weird is that? I see it re: sex as well ... wanting it and not ... all at the same time.
Over on the relationship board, I mentioned how my T said that going to therapy was like being touched. That is dead on right. But I can't get my brain wrapped around this concept on how it fits. She told me yesterday that it fits perfectly and explained how and go figure, I can't remember any of her explanation ... what does that mean?
I also had a similar experience last summer. My son and I were involved in a car accident. After leaving him in ICU, I kept my therapy appointment and sobbed and sobbed. I had my hands over my face, wrenching with pain. I heard her move in her chair (she probably felt so uncomfortable or saddness for me) and I quickly stopped crying, afraid she was going to come over to hug me (but knowing at the same time, she never would touch me).
I'll say it again, the therapy relationship is so intense, strange, wonderful, healing
Annierose
Posted by fallsfall on April 29, 2005, at 11:31:53
In reply to Update...yesterday's session, posted by gardenergirl on April 29, 2005, at 8:21:22
How was your nap?
You did very hard work, GG. Be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you.
>(don't you love to hear that your T thinks about you between sessions?)
Ahhhhhhhhhhh - that is one of the best.....
I'm so glad that you could understand more about your own reactions AND move closer in the relationship in the same session. Feels like a win-win.
I know what you mean about him being so careful that you know it is a scheduling issue - and I love it when my therapist does that because it shows that he knows what matters to me, and that he cares enough to try to be sure that those things are very clear. If he gets a cancellation, will he call you? Or is that asking too much. I think you will like 2/week. But expect it to be a little different (maybe not immediately, but pretty soon).
You did really well, GG.
Posted by Dinah on April 29, 2005, at 12:35:10
In reply to Update...yesterday's session, posted by gardenergirl on April 29, 2005, at 8:21:22
Oh gg, I'm so glad you see your way clear to working your way back to relationship. And even more glad that he owned up to his half of went on in the room. I always love it in a therapist.
Posted by littleone on May 2, 2005, at 21:32:22
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » littleone, posted by mair on April 28, 2005, at 16:35:26
Thanks so much for that Mair. It was very helpful.
> In fact when she asked me why it was so important for me to talk to her about my suicidal thinking even if I wasn't really at risk, I couldn't come up with the most basic answer which is that it would decrease my degree of isolation.
Oh, I wouldn't have come up with that either. I know it theoretically, but I have a hard time applying the theory to myself. Feeling less alone is so important.
> Before I slipped into this current episode, my therapist and I had been working pretty hard at some issues which have been tough for me. It was difficult and occasionally traumatic, but I felt pretty good about it because I felt that I was stretching myself and maybe actually making some progress. Thus it was doubly upsetting to have to abandon those topics - and we really did have to abandon them because I couldn't begin to sustain the calm or attention to really work on them.
This was really interesting Mair. Sometimes I will get really down for a few weeks. And I don't just mean glum. I mean I spiral down very badly and would certainly qualify for a depression diagnosis.
But now when it happens, my T will look back through his notes and try to pinpoint exactly when I turned downwards and we'll try to figure out what has triggered it.
Each time we've done this, I've really gotten a good insight into something and it's really been like the skies miraculously clear and the sun is shining again. It blows me away at how quickly things improve then.
I realise that you are struggling with a longer term and different type of depression, but it's something to keep in mind. I too have had a long term depression and I personnally find it impossible to feel the difference.
> and I must have told her several times today that I was really glad she was back. Also I jumped at her offer to see me tomorrow. This is just so unusual for me - to feel so acutely that I need her and be able to express that need even in a limited way.
>
> I don't really know what it means.Does it means your attachment has built? That you have a level of dependancy with her? (Which is a good thing my T tells me). I'm glad she's back :)
> Thanks for asking - I'm sure this is a much longer answer than you were looking for.
No, no, it was perfect Mair. Thanks so much for expanding.
Sorry for hijacking your thread gg. I have been reading along and thinking of you. I just find it hard to reply to you. I don't understand it yet, but I do know that it is my own issues surfacing. I am sending you warm thoughts though.
Posted by gardenergirl on May 2, 2005, at 23:42:49
In reply to Re: long answer to your short question » mair, posted by littleone on May 2, 2005, at 21:32:22
> Sorry for hijacking your thread gg. I have been reading along and thinking of you. I just find it hard to reply to you. I don't understand it yet, but I do know that it is my own issues surfacing. I am sending you warm thoughts though.
No worries. I have enjoyed reading the dialog above. I think that's great that you and your T can go back and find a trigger for depressive episodes. Sometimes we can do that with mine, but we don't have notes to refer to. (Or if he writes notes, he never has them out during sessions.)
Thanks for the warm thoughts. They are always welcome.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on May 2, 2005, at 23:51:10
In reply to Re: Update...yesterday's session » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on April 29, 2005, at 9:18:28
> Hard work, but good work too gg!!
Thanks.
>
> I think you guys are back on course. I am so happy that it seems you are over the hump AND can start 2x per week sessions. I really like going more often.I think I'm going to like it, too. Kind of looking forward to it a lot, because right now I feel really anxious to see him between sessions. A week feels way too long.
>
> I know exactly what you mean about flinching and wanting soothing at the same time. This is EXACTLY what my T and I are working on too!! Those exact words as well ... how weird is that? I see it re: sex as well ... wanting it and not ... all at the same time.Oh, wow. I did not associate this conflict with sex as well, but I do have that same kind of feeling when it comes to that. It makes it quite difficult to send out clear signals to my hubby. I keep telling him we need direct and clear communication about it vs. "signals", but he is a bit shy when it comes to actually *talking* about sex. I suppose I would be too, if I hadn't started talking to my T about it. No way around using all those words. Aack!
>
> Over on the relationship board, I mentioned how my T said that going to therapy was like being touched. That is dead on right. But I can't get my brain wrapped around this concept on how it fits. She told me yesterday that it fits perfectly and explained how and go figure, I can't remember any of her explanation ... what does that mean?I think that at least for me, if I don't remember something that seems important, it's perhaps because I'm not ready to take it all in yet. I get very frustrated by that, but my T assures me it will come up again if it really is important. I just don't have the patience to wait. And he often does not repeat something exactly as before if I ask. He'll talk about the topic, but he doesn't "review the transcript" so to speak. Grrrrr. I think he thinks that hearing it in a moment that is relevant is better.
>
> I also had a similar experience last summer. My son and I were involved in a car accident. After leaving him in ICU, I kept my therapy appointment and sobbed and sobbed. I had my hands over my face, wrenching with pain. I heard her move in her chair (she probably felt so uncomfortable or saddness for me) and I quickly stopped crying, afraid she was going to come over to hug me (but knowing at the same time, she never would touch me).Wow, that must have been a draining session. I'm glad you had your T for support at that time. How scary.
I'm also glad you posted this. One of the things that led me to say in my session last week "I'm so screwed up!" (which he didn't challenge, I might add...darn it!) was this exact thing. It's just so upsetting to me that I would flinch away from (the idea of) someone trusted offering comfort.
I suppose it's a good thing he's usually good at emotional holding. Kinda looking forward to that feeling returning more consistently.
>
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.gg
Posted by gardenergirl on May 2, 2005, at 23:54:39
In reply to Re: Update...yesterday's session » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on April 29, 2005, at 11:31:53
> How was your nap?
It was more lengthy, and helpful.
>
> You did very hard work, GG. Be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you.:-D thanks
>
> >(don't you love to hear that your T thinks about you between sessions?)
>
> Ahhhhhhhhhhh - that is one of the best.....
>
> I'm so glad that you could understand more about your own reactions AND move closer in the relationship in the same session. Feels like a win-win.Yes, it did feel very good and very productive at the same time.
> I know what you mean about him being so careful that you know it is a scheduling issue - and I love it when my therapist does that because it shows that he knows what matters to me, and that he cares enough to try to be sure that those things are very clear. If he gets a cancellation, will he call you? Or is that asking too much. I think you will like 2/week. But expect it to be a little different (maybe not immediately, but pretty soon).
I doubt he would call me if he gets a cancellation. I didn't ask him to, and this time of the year is so very busy. I know I sometimes appreciate a "found hour" when someone cancels, and I wouldn't call another client unless I knew they were waiting for that call.
>
> You did really well, GG.Thanks, I feel pretty good about it, too. I suppose even though I didn't feel safe for awhile, there *is* a certain amount of trust we've built up even if I can't feel it. Otherwise, I am sure I could not have gotten through this.
Thanks for supporting me through it.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on May 2, 2005, at 23:55:56
In reply to Re: Update...yesterday's session » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on April 29, 2005, at 12:35:10
> Oh gg, I'm so glad you see your way clear to working your way back to relationship. And even more glad that he owned up to his half of went on in the room. I always love it in a therapist.
I'm glad he did too. I really needed him to. He swears he did the previous week, but I didn't hear it. It's always possible I missed it, but I think he emphasized it much more this week.
Thanks for being so supportive,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
In reply to Bad session. Lost my safe place! (long), posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2005, at 9:20:00
Last week I had a truly awful session. I've been feeling terrible since--poor appetite, disturbed sleep, serious crying jags the first few days after, zoning out and ruminating about it....
It feels so much like this time I wrote about 2 years ago that I went back to find this post. Lord, it's so very similar. He was talking over me and interrupting, only this time it was to chide me for being "stuck" in my emotions versus using my rational mind. Nice twist, eh? We spent a lot of time talking "at" each other versus "to" or "with" each other. And he seemed so darned impatient. You know, I was getting to the same stuff he was saying, but I didn't get to get there before he jumped in and started "challenging" or whatever the hell he was doing.
And then I was trying to talk about this one issue/dynamic I have where I dread and fear others' negative judgment so much that it can paralyze me. This is a big factor in why my D-word is still undone. So I'm saying how bad it would feel if I were "wrong" or made a mistake (I know, it's crazy thinking...), and he jumps in and is all critical and judgmental about that. At least it felt that way. And because I respect him, care for him, and want his approval, obviously way more than I realized, it was that exact dynamic going on right in the moment. He jumped right into the very issue I was trying to work through with both feet, and then stomped around in it as if it were some really cool mud puddle. I realized this in the midst of it, and being someone who has actually made some progress in therapy (not that he seems to think so---agh, I know that's not true but it's what it felt like...) I tried to extricate myself from that dynamic. But he wouldn't shut up!!!!!!!
AAAAGGGHH!
And to top it all off, he's out of town for three days next week, including my usual day. He made some small effort to schedule me later in the week, but then just said, see ya next Monday. This is after we already had a week off between sessions due to this same sudden trip, which apparently was postponed. Of course he didn't call me to let me know it was postponed. I just lost a week of therapy then, too.
It's so damned hard to sit with these feelings for two weeks. I should be going in tomorrow. I feel a bit better, and I am viewing the whole thing more rationally to some extent. But it sucks. By the time I do get to see him, talking about it will feel artificial. Water under the bridge. Plus, I know from experience he will not know what I'm talking about and will not even pause to consider whether he had any responsibility or role in the session going south. I hate that.
And I go back and forth between anger, sorrow, and shame. At times I feel totally stupid for this reaction and its intensity. Bah.
I was getting ready to start making the gift I have planned for him for termination. It means a great deal to me. I'm not feeling the love at the moment, so it's going to have to wait now.
This just sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.
Oh, and did I mention he was 25 minutes late for the session and didn't apologize or explain? All he said when I sat down was, "Can you stay ten minutes past?" I think he forgot about the appt. since it was not our usual day. I'm his first appt of the day, and there are times he's late. I'm late too, so I understand, but this was ridiculous. Between that and the scheduling issues, it feels a lot like, "Oh it's just GG. She won't care. She'll understand."
F him. Lord, I can't imagine even coming close to saying that to him.
Okay, getting myself stirred up again when I need to be getting to bed.
Thanks for reading.
namaste
gg
Posted by widget on March 12, 2007, at 8:37:22
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again, posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
Dear gardenergirl, my heart goes out to you. You have summed up your feeling in a clear, articulate manner. Can you call him and try to get into see him? I know how difficult that can be, I hate to ask for what I need and fear rejection. I need to call my therapist about something and, rationally, realize its perfectly ok to do but I am afraid. Maybe we can both take a chance.
Once, or more than once, I have had to "confront" my therapist with somewhat similar issues. Something he said made me think he wanted to get rid of me, one time I thought he could only accept certain parts of me (he reassured me that was not so) and what I learned is that he really didn't know how his words, tone, etc. had affected me. And, worse, that I had misinterpreted. So, I would get into this whole cycle of "well, you're rejecting me, so I don't want to talk to you, etc." Old stuff. But, I guess my point is, until I told him that how he acted/talked affected me in this negative way, he was clueless! If I hadn't brought it up, I think we would have built a wall between us; a wall made out of my resentment. Good luck. I'm going to make that phone call before I chicken out. Widget
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2007, at 9:29:19
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again, posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
ARRRGGGHHHH
gg, I really think this is one of those times you should call him. You're right. He won't recall anything by the time you see him again because of the time and the diversion of a trip.
Or at least write it down with as many details as possible to jog his memory. What you wrote will be written while you're still feeling the feelings you're writing about.
As far as being late, that is too late to be without an apology. At 25 minutes, I'd have been gathering my things unless he'd called me. It happened to come up in discussion friday (he brought it up, not me). I told him I didn't start worrying that he'd forgotten me until 20 after. The last time mine was 25 minutes late, he suggested that I only have half a session that day, then upon gazing at my outraged countenance, changed that to my staying late. I kind of expect an apology after 15 minutes. You say you're late sometimes, but I'm guessing you apologize...
Seems like a reasonable thing to expect. I know reasonable expectations arent' always met. :(
Do call if he hasn't left yet. There's no reason to feel awful for that long. It'll interfere with the productivity he's encouraging.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 12, 2007, at 13:37:45
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on March 12, 2007, at 9:29:19
Well GG.
I dunno much, and mebbe I way missing the boat, but the whole situation sounds NUTS.
And I am very punctual, so late people REALLY piss me off. If my T was 25 mins late, she could just bloody give me a half price session or sometrhing. If there's a reasonable explanation thats fine. At the very least an apology is REQUIRED. I would find it very disrespectful and belitting to not get an apology. Is YOUR time sitting there worth NOTHING.
I dunno, mebbe I miss the boat as usu, but it sounds like mebbe HE needs to get a grip. A T should HEAR you, not stample on you.
Something is very wrong here. I dearly hope you guys can sort it out as you have a history together.
Mebbe you can write it all down so he can read it and digest it?
I'm sorry you feel so badly GG.
Take special care of yourself at this time.
Posted by madeline on March 12, 2007, at 16:05:41
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again, posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
It sounds as though you are really upset with his behavior during the session -which I completely understand. My T has been pretty quick on the draw sometimes with me as well and it just begins to feel like a shouting match during the session.
But it sounds as though he was disrespectful from the start (being late) and that probably set the stage for a crappy session for you both.
It takes courage, but you just gotta let them know exactly how what they are saying makes you feel.
I've told mine to shut up, called him neddy know it all, told him his smuggity pants seem a bit tight today and - my all time favorite - "this barrage of yours i'm sure is very eloquent and lovely - timely even. Is it helping you? Because I'm getting nothing but static here".
If nothing else it will get his attention and usually we both end up laughing.
He may be your T, but you should not be made to feel disrespected by him or anyone else.
I would call him as quickly as I could and get this out in the open.
At least give him the chance to apologize (but I would still let him have it).
Maddie
Posted by sunnydays on March 12, 2007, at 20:35:53
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again, posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
Yeah, it sounds exactly like the session I had where I got mad at my T. He was 15 minutes late or so, which was bad already because it got me really anxious. And I have found that my T is much more in problem solving mode if he's late. I don't know why that is, but he talks more and is less attentive to my feelings, it seems.
I'm sorry your session was bad. I hope you can talk about it with him.
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on March 13, 2007, at 1:01:11
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again, posted by gardenergirl on March 12, 2007, at 1:50:48
Maybe you should start your next session with, "my response to our last session is F you."
At least it would get his attention.
GG -- sounds like he was having a very bad day. And though he shouldn't bring it to work, he did, like we all do from time to time. It hurts so much when we get let down like that. But growth is in the rupture and repair, not in the straight-aways...I know you know this. I hear growth between the posts two years ago and this one, though they are remarkably similiar. (Damn that spiral.) You aren't taking it all on yourself and you are feeling your upset and anger with him. You have a right to be angry, especially about how late he was. I'd have been a basket case. (My therapist has been late twice in 4 years, both times I was a wreck.)
I agree with the others, I think calling and seeing if he can squeeze you in might help you stay productive .
Until then, come sit on my deck awhile. It was 82 today and the flowers are blooming.
Take care,
Daisy
Posted by gardenergirl on March 13, 2007, at 10:47:30
In reply to Re: Bad session. ---Well hell. Happened again » gardenergirl, posted by Daisym on March 13, 2007, at 1:01:11
thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm taking it all in and will have more to say later. I'm off to lunch with hubby right now.
I emailed him on Sunday telling him I was struggling with the feelings and thoughts from the session. I asked him if I could come in this week if his trip gets rescheduled again. I didn't really expect to have a reply since he's presumably out of town, but the first time I looked at email after sending it, I had a tiny hope flaring. I had to keep telling myself that he wasn't likely to reply or even get it til Wed night or Thurs morning, but I still sort of wished.
sigh
But I'm functioning better the last few days.
Thanks again. It's so very valuable to be able to talk to others who have some idea what I'm talking about.
More later.
namaste
gg
Posted by mair on March 13, 2007, at 17:32:29
In reply to Quick update...more later, posted by gardenergirl on March 13, 2007, at 10:47:30
Even if he doesn't get back to you, there is tremendous value in having written him. It will force him to try to remember what the issues were and to be prepared to deal with them when you are able to meet. I think it will also make it more difficult for you to gloss over the extent of your distress.
Aren't these people supposed to love it when we're able to express our anger with them? I think Daisy's suggestion for a session opener is a good one.
It also makes enormous sense to me that you would react so poorly to what you perceived to be his disapproval when the negative appraisals of others is a big issue for you. I struggle with perpetual feelings that I disappoint others and am unimportant to them. It doesn't take much for me to read into something my T has said or done (or not done) that I am of no importance to her. The scheduling stuff you write about would drive me nuts.
mair
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