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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by zenhussy on December 31, 2006, at 12:25:03
In reply to Re: and then to leave msg on machine today?!! » zenhussy, posted by happykat on December 30, 2006, at 18:28:48
ugh. through phone tag and messages an appt is set for next week.
will have to bring up all concerns and lay it all on table. too much at stake to mince words and dance around issues.
deserve to know reality and seriousness of situation, despite it not being our responsibility to worry or so on. it imapcts our therapy therefore we deserve to know about it to some extent.
so much easier when life is compartmentalized and boxed away neatly so this messy spilling out of life doesn't happen as often. yeah and pigs fly.
sigh. the very person and place where all was accepted and welcomed is in danger of ending suddenly and it just isn't a reality we were ready to face. life continues to be one reality after another that isn't easy.
where's that rosegarden?!!
Posted by Fallsfall on December 31, 2006, at 15:31:49
In reply to now how to last four days after so much time?, posted by zenhussy on December 31, 2006, at 12:25:03
There is a nice rose garden at Camp Comfort. The roses bloom all year long there.
Posted by mair on December 31, 2006, at 17:09:20
In reply to now how to last four days after so much time?, posted by zenhussy on December 31, 2006, at 12:25:03
Zen - I'm so sorry you're going through this. My T and I have had alot of conversations since she got sick over how much her patients should know and how they should find out. It's such a tough issue, and none of us is really programmed for any sort of abrupt change in the relationship we have with our Ts. These relationships are so one-sided. We're so accustomed to having them take care of us. When something disrupts that, one of the worst things to deal with is just simply to not know what the future will hold.
sending hugs your way.
mair
Posted by Daisym on January 3, 2007, at 1:31:36
In reply to when therapy hits more than bumps...., posted by zenhussy on December 23, 2006, at 14:57:12
Try to remember that those four years are not just lost, even if you have to make a change. I know it is hard, and I would be devastated too. But your therapist will not want her problems to be a giant one for you, how many times have you heard that you need to take care of yourself? This is one of those times.
I hope your session is helpful. I'm thinking about you.
Daisy
Posted by zenhussy on January 17, 2007, at 10:33:37
In reply to Re: now how to last four days after so much time? » zenhussy, posted by Fallsfall on December 31, 2006, at 15:31:49
since this place is new we don't yet know the colour of the roses here.....the canes are well established but in dire need of care........the one bud is red......cannot wait to find out the other colours!
thanks for holding down the fort at CC. = )
Posted by zenhussy on January 17, 2007, at 10:36:03
In reply to Re: now how to last four days after so much time? » zenhussy, posted by mair on December 31, 2006, at 17:09:20
>>>>It's such a tough issue, and none of us is really programmed for any sort of abrupt change in the relationship we have with our Ts. These relationships are so one-sided. We're so accustomed to having them take care of us. When something disrupts that, one of the worst things to deal with is just simply to not know what the future will hold.<<<<
That's it! That's a huge part of this. The "we're not programmed for this" is what is ringing so true. With all life has thrown at us we're shocked that the disruption of this relationship could create such waves everywhere in our life.
Where's that crystal ball? hmmmm?! dang unknown future!!
Posted by zenhussy on January 17, 2007, at 10:39:33
In reply to Re: when therapy hits more than bumps.... » zenhussy, posted by Daisym on January 3, 2007, at 1:31:36
still in negotiations as to what is practical, what is possible and what is wanted. Of course there isn't much overlap at this time. sigh.
doing our best on self care. keep missing night time meds which isn't good.........definitely related to something.....unfortunately we're not aware of what that is at moment.
haven't amassed list of alternative therapists yet but am considering next week calling just to get idea of what is available in case the future is more uncertain than any of us expected.
thx for understanding and input.
healing is work. long hard work. and work that doesn't go away until it is done. spent years hiding from it. now hiding would be silly as we know we cannot escape this pain.....only way through is through. siiiiiiiiigh.
Posted by zenhussy on January 22, 2007, at 11:26:34
In reply to when therapy hits more than bumps...., posted by zenhussy on December 23, 2006, at 14:57:12
downright scary. today's appt will be first after surgery and that will be somewhat of a litmus test.
so afraid to call. so afraid to post much here. so freakin' afraid. years of therapy feeling like they're hanging by a thin thread that's unraveling as this is being typed......
have invested much into this relationship. am so fortunate to have had the years of therapy with a T as diverse in their approach as this one. to have made more progress, more forward movement with this particular T than all the others combined says a lot given the circumstances of our life.
the mind swirls with unsavoury thoughts and when aware of the physical body the awareness is pain, tension and all over aches. no wonder there isn't much time spent in here! who'd want this?
but that's JUST IT....learning to be in the misery long enough to work one's way out.....right? learning how to last through the unpleasant feelings until more tolerable feelings surface....until the urges subside.....until the need passes.....until one gets strong enough to handle most bumps w/o meltdown, w/o temper tantrums, w/o reverting to less than mature ways of coping, w/o all the strum and drang....
wish it were easier but if so then where would the growth take place? where would the character building come in? ;)
Posted by Fallsfall on January 22, 2007, at 12:15:05
In reply to month later and still bumpy, unsettled and..., posted by zenhussy on January 22, 2007, at 11:26:34
Sometimes we don't need more character building.
Yes, you have to learn to tolerate the pain. Then you can move through it to better times.
You sound quite frightened. You aren't alone, you know.
(((Zen)))
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2007, at 17:15:49
In reply to month later and still bumpy, unsettled and..., posted by zenhussy on January 22, 2007, at 11:26:34
I am so sorry. Your situation resonates quite a bit with me. I hope all goes well for this first appointment back.
Posted by Daisym on January 23, 2007, at 19:34:09
In reply to month later and still bumpy, unsettled and..., posted by zenhussy on January 22, 2007, at 11:26:34
How did it go?
I hear your pain woven through your words. Of course you are scared. But if things change, the years of work and tears aren't for naught. Yes, it will be hard and you might slip up here and there. Last time I looked you were still human, right? You have a right to rail against this, it is torture to wait and not know and anticipate more darkness.
I'm sorry, Zen. Life should not be this hard. But Falls is right, you aren't alone here.
Safe Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by zenhussy on January 30, 2007, at 0:22:08
In reply to month later and still bumpy, unsettled and..., posted by zenhussy on January 22, 2007, at 11:26:34
Posted by mair on January 30, 2007, at 21:14:46
In reply to hating it hating it hating it...so hard + painful (nm), posted by zenhussy on January 30, 2007, at 0:22:08
Posted by Honore on January 30, 2007, at 23:36:33
In reply to hating it hating it hating it...so hard + painful (nm), posted by zenhussy on January 30, 2007, at 0:22:08
Posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
In reply to hating it hating it hating it...so hard + painful (nm), posted by zenhussy on January 30, 2007, at 0:22:08
Posted by littleone on February 1, 2007, at 14:34:25
In reply to trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!! (nm), posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I have been following your posts, but must admit that I'm a little lost.
I'm not sure if your T is very sick and might need to stop therapy for a while, or if your T is terminating you for some reason, or something else altogether.
Sorry for not understanding fully.
If you wanted to talk, I would be happy to listen.
But if that feels too threatening, I understand. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and sending you warm healing wishes.
You will get through this zen and be stronger for it.
Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2007, at 16:37:56
In reply to trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!! (nm), posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
It's enough to make you never want to care again.
Have things come to a complete halt? Or is it disrupted right now with the potential for things to resume later?
Posted by Honore on February 1, 2007, at 20:16:46
In reply to trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!! (nm), posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
Maybe trust in *your* process, if not "the" process--even if it's not going so well right now?
Honore
Posted by mair on February 1, 2007, at 21:19:17
In reply to trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!! (nm), posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
Sometimes I think good, bad or indifferent, we're comfortable with what we know, and we don't like having to adapt or adjust to something else.
And therapy is all about reaching that point of comfort, so it's even worse when that gets disrupted in some way.
Mair
Posted by Honore on February 6, 2007, at 10:29:54
In reply to trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!! (nm), posted by zenhussy on February 1, 2007, at 1:45:38
Are you feeling any bit better, Zen?
Has the process become at all more tolerable, or is it as @#$+&!! as it has been?
If you feel you can say more, I know we would hope we could respond with something at least a little bit to the better.
{{Zen}}
Honore
Posted by zenhussy on February 8, 2007, at 22:57:29
In reply to Re: trust in the process? trust this! @*#+$%!!, posted by Honore on February 6, 2007, at 10:29:54
having a difficult time putting the pain into words that can express a fraction of all that is going on in the therapeutic relationship.
for now we continue and try. no shortcuts, no dramatic quittings, no angry tirades, no silent sufferings, just going and trying and seeing what comes from that.
this kind of "therapist test" isn't one we sought but it did open up a wider range of discussion about current topics involving our therapeutic relationship.
hmmm...maybe this is an answer of sorts
Posted by zenhussy on February 26, 2007, at 19:06:56
In reply to keep coming back to answer and drawing blanks, posted by zenhussy on February 8, 2007, at 22:57:29
not much to report other than a lot of time invested and not a whole lot of support felt inwardly about deciding to stay w/ current therapist.
the devil we know.....maybe. but somehow keeping at what was so desperatly being chipped away at in grueling sessions seems to be the right course to maintain.
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 20:18:33
In reply to and painfully on it goes...session by session, posted by zenhussy on February 26, 2007, at 19:06:56
I'm sorry, Zen. I know how difficult those situations can be.
I made the same decision myself.
Is there some chance of things eventually returning to "normal"? I hung onto that chance pretty heavily at times.
Posted by zenhussy on March 3, 2007, at 15:40:50
In reply to Re: and painfully on it goes...session by session » zenhussy, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2007, at 20:18:33
normal? oh the strange ideals we give that word...we need to remember it is a setting on a washing machine ;)
working back to a therapeutic relationship that is healthy for both client and therapist can be difficult after so much time apart and many bigger issues coming up during the break. doesn't help that the med cocktail isn't working "right" again...yet.
last weeks there were huge strides made in the direction of that previous place/sense of safety...trying desperately to hang on to that until next week.
thanks for checking in. apologies for lack of personal replies...brain has been fritzed for weeks now.
ran into person we've known for three years and used to see on weekly basis....blanked on her name entirely. word finding difficulty. oh the joys and trade offs of tweaking the med cocktail. she understood but we felt like a doofus. ah well.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2007, at 11:38:56
In reply to Re:grin and bear it » Dinah, posted by zenhussy on March 3, 2007, at 15:40:50
I'm glad you're making progress to establishing that trust and safety again.
I hate medication adjustments although maybe that's just what I need right now. I'm doing so many word substitutions that I can see people looking confused when they talk to me.
This is the end of the thread.
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