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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 13:58:03
About my behavior this weekend. Told me that I need to try to avoid extreme stress so that the darker elements of my experience don't overwhelm my coping mechanisms.
She was also concerned about the particular location of my coping mechanism. Said it was too close to a major artery. hmm.
I protest: but I was very superficial.
she counters: but there's not much room for error
I protest: but I didn't want to kill myself.
I protest: but I was scared for myself
I protest: but I wanted to hurt
I protest: but I didn't want to kill myself
I protest: but I wanted to see if my body felt painI'm left wondering... what if it happens again, and my pain sensations don't kick in at the dermal level. hmm. what then?
Actually the session was okay. I was pretty detached from the whole thing. She got out paper and took notes for the first time ever. even our first session she didn't write. this time she wrote down most of what I described.
She doesn't scare me though. She didn't make me feel like a bad person. And I feel like I could tell her everything that happened- that's progress. BUT... she's very concerned. Me too, I suppose. At least I'm concerned when I stop and think about it. Kind of like Humpty Dumpty- looking down at her shell and noticing for the first time that she's somehow cracked and has been glued together again several times judging from the different kinds of glue. Some of the joints are failing too.
Okay. I get back to diss work though. A wonderful way of "escaping" real life, which should be avoided.
-Ll
Posted by lcat10 on February 20, 2007, at 21:05:10
In reply to Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger**, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 13:58:03
Hi; have you ever shown your therapist things like this post. It would really help her to understand you better. You have lots of insight to share with her.
Posted by Daisym on February 20, 2007, at 21:22:14
In reply to Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger**, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 13:58:03
Sounds like she has good reason to be concerned. She likely took notes to document her concerns and your thoughts. Suicide and self-harm are things that need watching closely. Sometimes we have an unconscious death-wish, even as we protest. We might only want the pain to die, but it isn't easily separated.
I'm glad you were so honest with her. Your therapist needs to know what sent you to the edge. It is awfully hard to avoid severe stress so having a safety net in place is always a good idea. It isn't all that uncommon to reach this state when working through old issues. It tears you up in a way that nothing else does. I wish it was less painful but reconstructing requires a certain amount of demolition. Just keep that hard hat on.
I'm thinking about you.
Posted by sunnydays on February 20, 2007, at 21:29:21
In reply to Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger**, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 13:58:03
((((((((((ll)))))))))))
I had a similar conversation with my T last time, although I don't SI, so it was just about thoughts, no actions were involved. I'm so glad you are ok though. It is such a surreal conversation to have. I don't want to die, but I still can't stop myself thinking of a plan. And the sadness comes and goes and is so intense sometimes.
Keep talking. Here, to your T, anywhere you can. Talking is the best cure for these thoughts and beliefs, I firmly believe. Take good care.
sunnydays
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 21:53:25
In reply to Re: Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger**, posted by sunnydays on February 20, 2007, at 21:29:21
thanks you guys,
I got a headache now. too much talking I fear.))))stress((((
I've been getting little cracks in my consciousness here and there. Not fun at all, feeling like I'm losing my mind. I'm gonna take sleepy pill and turn in for the night.
-this noodle's brittle :(
p.s. thanks to all you kind responders. I'll let you know what happens...
Posted by fayeroe on February 20, 2007, at 22:36:27
In reply to Re: Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger**, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 20, 2007, at 21:53:25
> thanks you guys,
> I got a headache now. too much talking I fear.
>
> ))))stress((((
>
> I've been getting little cracks in my consciousness here and there. Not fun at all, feeling like I'm losing my mind. I'm gonna take sleepy pill and turn in for the night.
>
> -this noodle's brittle :(
>
> p.s. thanks to all you kind responders. I'll let you know what happens...keeping you in my thoughts........pat
Posted by Honore on February 21, 2007, at 7:19:54
In reply to Re: Uh Oh. T's concerned **suicide trigger** » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by fayeroe on February 20, 2007, at 22:36:27
I'm keeping you in my thoughts, too, Llurpsie.
{{{(Llurpsie)}}}
Honore
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