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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 18:22:09
I have to admit that I find this concept worrisome. I hate my job, and always assume that if I left it, I'd be happier. But if the happiness set point of lottery winners and people paralyzed in an accident returns to pre-change levels within a year, what chance do I have?
Why bother making life changes?
Am I missing something?
Posted by annierose on February 14, 2007, at 18:50:07
In reply to Happiness set point, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 18:22:09
I don't think quitting a job can be compared to winning the lottery or finding yourself with a life changing injury.
Finding a new job won't make you necessarily happy either. But finding a job that you enjoy doing (for the most part, because after all work is work and it's not summer camp) can bring about happiness.
With ANY job, a lot of satisfaction involves what you bring to it and what your expectations are as well. If I hired someone that said, "I want to work here because it looks fun," and then showed up wanting to have "fun" and not work, then they would be unhappy. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself right now.
Another example, I have also hired mothers that needed to work, not wanting to "have" to get a job while they had children at home. They resented having to go to work in the first place. No job was going to "make them happy". But they could find happiness in their job if they were open to that experience.
Bottom line: happiness comes from within. But the right work situation for you could be a lot happier if you enjoyed what you were doing and enjoyed the people you worked with. And I hope you do find that job. It's out there looking for you!!
Posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 19:46:34
In reply to Re: Happiness set point » Dinah, posted by annierose on February 14, 2007, at 18:50:07
I think I'm just in a bad mood today.
The book I'm reading is really just an overview, and doesn't get in depth on anything. So my mood goes up and down when I'm progressing through it, without really understanding enough of it to process it thoroughly. I'm currently convinced that it's telling me that I'm a horrible mother.
Maybe I should give it a rest until I'm feeling more cheerful.
Believe it or not, I'm feeling a bit more sanguine about my job. Or maybe just resigned. I'm currently trying to negotiate a workload more in keeping with my life goals.
Posted by happykat on February 14, 2007, at 21:53:59
In reply to Happiness set point, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 18:22:09
Dinah,
Sounds like an interesting book. I have to agree with the happiness set point in some regards. I inherited alot of money quite a while ago and it was great at first but that wore off fairly quickly and I still had to deal with alot of the same problems that I had before I had money. Actually I gained a few more problems because of it. So I really wasn't happier in the long run.
I think it's the same with a new job. It might be exciting at first but after the novelty wears off you're left with the same underlying problems and perhaps some new unanticipated ones. At least with the job you have you know everyone and the rules of the game. It may be boring, unstimulating or overtaxing but there is the comfort/security factor. Then again the thrill of a new challenge is enticing.
Regards,
Kat :)
Posted by Honore on February 15, 2007, at 0:31:09
In reply to Re: Happiness set point » Dinah, posted by happykat on February 14, 2007, at 21:53:59
A set point is mostly a metaphor-- it sounds concrete-- and singular, as if there's a radiator in your brain that's set at a temperature. But there isn't. There are patterns of acting and feeling, etc-- that have a tendency to persist, which include a sort of emotional state about life.
What's the point of doing anything if my happiness set point will be the same if I sit around watching TV, or if I go to an art school and study painting for a couple of years and become able to paint, or take an exciting job, or am a counterperson at the local supermarket? It's simply not true that I'll be equally happy if I do any of those things as if I do any other.
Maybe there are things that keep me from taking the exciting job, and thus I remain in an unhappy state; or I tend to take jobs that I dislike for reasons having to do with social status, or family expectations, or some internalized self-destructive urge, and am miserable, and then I work at, say, therapy, and make changes and am able to take a job that's much more fulfilling.
I personally not only refuse to believe that that's a myth or delusion, I've experienced it enough to say that it isn't one.
Another way of putting (one that I don't prefer) is that you can change your happiness set point. More importantly, you can make different kinds of choices and live a more meaningful life-- which isn't the same as winning the lottery.
Honore
Posted by Honore on February 15, 2007, at 0:32:11
In reply to Re: Happiness set point » annierose, posted by Dinah on February 14, 2007, at 19:46:34
PS Any book that says you, Dinah, are a horrible mother is probably one that you should stop reading.
Honore
Posted by 10derHeart on February 15, 2007, at 17:03:53
In reply to Re: Happiness set point » Dinah, posted by Honore on February 15, 2007, at 0:32:11
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2007, at 10:23:42
In reply to I agree 100% Dinah=wonderful mom!! (nm) » Honore, posted by 10derHeart on February 15, 2007, at 17:03:53
I'm not sure attunement and eye contact have ever been a strong point for me, not even when my son was a baby. :(
I feel like I've messed him up for life.
This is the end of the thread.
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