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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 12:27:04
It started off as an awful session. I put my check on the sofa and started to walk out after many minutes of pure silence that felt more like a power struggle, and he barely bothered calling me back. He was at his most impassive shrinkiness. And that was the last thing I needed. He was annoyed with me for not calling yesterday, and he thought I was angry when I didn't reschedule last Friday when he had to cancel, and he might have been angry about that. He admits that his previous session was rough, and he wasn't sure if he had fully put it behind him at the beginning of my session.
It didn't get better. He offered what seemed like totally insensitive advice that totally missed the point. And I kept telling him that I needed my therapist/mommy, not a distant shrink. Nothing seemed to work.
Then I happened to say, in the last ten minutes or so, that I needed him to reach out to me. And he reached out his hand to me and told me that I had to reach back. And I kept my arms folded and insisted that that wasn't what I meant. And he said he knew that, but that I had to reach back. He kept his hand out. Eventually I halfheartedly reached back and let him grasp my hand, more because I felt sorry for him with his hand outstretched.
But darned if it didn't work. All the feelings I'd been repressing of intense painful sadness welled up and spilled over. And I feel oddly better. At least for now.
Posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2006, at 12:39:07
In reply to Wow., posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 12:27:04
Wow, indeed. What a great example of the "push-pull" relationship that is therapy and how, when we let our guards down in spite of ourselves, sometimes the most amazing things happen.
Thanks for telling us about it.
Posted by Jost on October 24, 2006, at 13:11:22
In reply to Re: Wow. » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2006, at 12:39:07
Yeah-- amazing that something so simple is so difficult.
And amazing that it works, despite one's not really believing in it-- if you give it half a chance.
Good for you, Dinah.
Jost
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 14:18:22
In reply to Re: Wow. » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 24, 2006, at 12:39:07
It can still be magic sometimes. I'm glad I kept trying to tell him what I needed, and he found a way to give it to me, even if it wasn't what I thought I needed.
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 14:19:30
In reply to Re: Wow., posted by Jost on October 24, 2006, at 13:11:22
Of course then I went home and slept for two hours.
Not terribly productive, but I'm feeling a bit more peaceful.
Now to put that peacefulness to good use in work.
Posted by annierose on October 24, 2006, at 14:22:55
In reply to Wow., posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 12:27:04
That interaction reminds me of my daughter. She will be agitated over something, I begin feeling agitated over her reaction, I take a deep breath, realize what she needs is a hug, try to offer that, she folds her arm, "NO WAY" but as I take a hug anyway, she melts into my arms.
You and your T have worked long and hard together to share those familiar "family" feelings. We all have our off moments, him included. But he did own up to it and offered you an apology.
However, I would have felt slightly taken aback when he offered, "My previous session was difficult" (or something like that). I don't like being reminded that there are other clients!
Thank you for sharing. You needed a WOW session today.
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 14:51:46
In reply to Re: Wow. » Dinah, posted by annierose on October 24, 2006, at 14:22:55
Chuckle. I can't say it didn't bother me.
Especially when his secretary told me at about ten after that his previous client hadn't left yet. I asked if I was the only one he showed the door on time.
When I notice some difference in him, he is scrupulous about examining himself and offering a reason why I might be right. I like that he validates that I'm not imagining things, or it's not transference. I did ask him if the previous client was more important than I was, or if he was still thinking about her.
Still, thinking of his manner, I can't really envy her. He was pure by the book therapist when I got there. Very cool and giving textbook answers. Yuck. I like it more when he gets angry with me or yells at me than when he acts like a therapist with a first time client.
Posted by muffled on October 24, 2006, at 15:57:19
In reply to Wow., posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 12:27:04
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:28:34
In reply to Re: Wow. » annierose, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 14:51:46
Dinah, I'm glad he broke down the wall of bricks you guys were building.
I'm glad he made you have a go at the demolition too.
You must have had a lot of stuff building up, no wonder you slept for 2 hours afterwards.
Wow,
-Li
Posted by SatinDoll on October 24, 2006, at 22:28:40
In reply to Re: Wow. » Dinah, posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:28:34
Thanks for the beautiful story, Dinah, it made my day.
Posted by Daisym on October 24, 2006, at 23:36:52
In reply to Wow., posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 12:27:04
I'm jealous. And still half-smiling. Darn if they don't know how to reconnect, even as we resist. I'm glad you both persisted.
Did you figure out what the sadness was?
This is the end of the thread.
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