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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2006, at 22:02:47
I went ahead and started a new thread on this rather than adding to the old one because it was getting pretty long. Hope thats okay.
First I want to say a huge thank you to the people who have said theyre interested in hearing about this, proud of me for doing this, etc. I'm often afraid (because of my own issues I'm sure) that you all dont REALLY want to hear from me.. and it feels good to hear otherwise. Thanks.
Today went very well at the partial program. It was my fourth day. In the morning group, we talked about the families we grew up in. I shared my story... essentially, very distant parents, negligent in some ways, drug abuse and mental illness, etc. Overall they werent bad at all compared to many families, but I did grow up too fast and not feel very loved as a child. I have a hard time accepting that my childhood is "bad enough" to justify being upset over.. and the group leader, Randy, really threw that idea out for me. The way he spoke and the remarks he made just made it seem so obvious that I'd been affected. Of course I have. And he's so, so good at making sure we get it. At the end of the discussion he made me summarize the point I needed to take away (that the issue is with my parents, not me) and made darn sure I got it exactly right. He's wonderful. I wouldnt say one group completely changed my mind on all that, but it did help quite a bit.
Later in the day, we had group workshops on effective communication and on recovery and what it means to recover. Some are better than others, but these two werent too bad. I feel like I get a lot more out of group than the workshops though.
I was proud of myself today. After morning group, I asked Randy, the leader/coordinatior of the program if I could talk to him one-on-one later in the day about Anne. I'm not sure why but I was really afraid to ask.. but I'm glad I did. They all know how she hasnt been calling and everything. He pulled me out of the afternoon workshop. I told him how I called Mon and she still hasnt called back, how I feel so abandoned, all that. How I've told her a million times, and she always seems like she gets it, but then does this again. I told him I feel like she hates me.. I really do. That last part seemed to get his attention. So good news.. he is going to speak with her tomorrow or Monday for me. He called and left her a message today. I gave him permission to repeat all of what I said. I'm really hoping that he'll be able to use words that make sense to her, because I sure havent been able to. At the end, Randy gave me a big hug. That was the first hug I'd had in quite awhile. It was so nice. He really is wonderful. He just has this way of saying yeah, you went through bad things, and yeah, you dont always act perfectly, but you're still okay. I can hear him saying that in my head even. I'm still okay. And I truly believe that he believes that.. not that it's just talk.
Even though we didnt really talk about it much in partial today, the issue of accepting myself and being easier on myself has been on my mind a lot since Tuesday. It's starting to make more sense. I can act inconsiderate once without being an inconsiderate person. And even if I do act that way once, it doesnt mean I'm worthless or terrible. I'm doing the best I can right now. That's what I'm trying my best to believe right now anyway.
Unfortunately, the let us know today that the center is closed tomorrow so there wont be any partial tomorrow. 3 day weekend. I'd like to be there, but I think I'm ok with it. I promised Randy that I will go out with friends tomorrow and then later in the weekend, do something special for myself as a treat for doing that. Maybe take myself to a movie.
I'm going back on Monday and probably for part of next week as well. They dont really tell you you're leaving until your last day.. but I doubt Monday will be it. We'll see. I'm already afraid to leave. This place feels so safe to me. It will be hard to give that up.
Posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2006, at 22:06:40
In reply to partial program day #4 (long), posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2006, at 22:02:47
Forgot one thing. I took my first celexa last night and have been nauseaus ever since. Lots of fun. I'm only going to take half the dose tonight.
But regarding the pdoc who wanted to diagnose me bipolar... we all had a good laugh today. Apparently he also diagnosed another person there, a man who is about my age, as bipolar. He is very obviously not, even in my eyes. Another woman had her first appt with him today and was disappointed to not get the diagnosis as well! This doc has been doing this for YEARS and is very close to retirement.. I dont know. I'll just keep arguing with him if I have to. I know I'm not bipolar.
Posted by Gee on September 15, 2006, at 6:19:38
In reply to Re: partial program day #4 (long), posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2006, at 22:06:40
I'm so glad to hear that the program is helping. I really like hearing about what you're going through. It gives me hope that if I need to use something like it in the future it will work as well for me. I hope that you have a great day today despite not going to the program
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 24, 2006, at 23:09:50
In reply to partial program day #4 (long), posted by wishingstar on September 14, 2006, at 22:02:47
> I went ahead and started a new thread on this rather than adding to the old one because it was getting pretty long. Hope thats okay.
It's OK, but I think one thread would be easier for those who come by later to follow. Would you mind if I reconnected these? Thanks,
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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