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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on September 10, 2006, at 14:57:53
You know you are right, I need to let my feelings for my T come out, and not try to surpress them. I believe I do love him in many ways, and I think he loves me too in many ways. So when our relationship stays professional, the love will be protected, real life won't mess it up. Should I tell him that I love him or just glow in it?
Posted by madeline on September 11, 2006, at 9:04:40
In reply to Maddie, posted by happyflower on September 10, 2006, at 14:57:53
I think I would tell him how good it feels to love him, and how good it feels to feel loved by him. I mean that's is the essence of it isn't it?
I'll never forget when I was raging at my T for something - I can't even remember what - and I told him that there was no love in therapy, that everything was just a lie.
He just quitely said, that there was no therapy without love.
Talk about how good love can feel, but I would be very clear what you expect from him and what you expect for yourself.
In order for this love to exist it must have boundaries, but given that, it can be very bracing, supportive and good.
Maddie
Posted by susan47 on September 11, 2006, at 18:57:45
In reply to Re: Maddie, posted by madeline on September 11, 2006, at 9:04:40
You are so right. Happyflower you could even take in what Maddie said, as a beautiful way to express what's happened/happening .. it's so true. There is no therapy without love. Yes. No. Yes... and finding that love when you've been broken so hard, is so difficult, and when you think you've found it and you haven't, you've only found your incomplete, broken self staring back larger at you than ever before, it can kill you But on the other hand, HF and it sounds like you Maddie, have had the most positive of therapy experiences I could imagine. And the truth is that love is easier for some people than others, and for those that it's easier for, they're probably some of the best T's. Tough, that's got to be tough, and it must take a hell of a lot of guts. I remember one T telling somebody once that his colleagues would all have told him to run from her. And I honestly don't know how that turned out. Anyone here recognize the story? She was very flirt-y with him, she needed that and he reinforced her very much. I was getting the feeling it was going to head into trouble, I hope I was wrong.
Posted by orchid on September 11, 2006, at 21:00:25
In reply to Re: Maddie; sorry this is really kind of long » madeline, posted by susan47 on September 11, 2006, at 18:57:45
I hope you can get over the hurt caused by your exT soon Susan. You have suffered long enough. It is probably time to let go and heal and move on.
Wish you well
Orchid
Posted by happyflower on September 11, 2006, at 21:08:49
In reply to Re: Maddie; sorry this is really kind of long » madeline, posted by susan47 on September 11, 2006, at 18:57:45
Thanks Susan
I think you are thinking of allisonross, she isn't here anymore and I haven't emailed her in a long time. But you are right things did get much worse for her.I think I would find it easier if he was just some guy who couldn't or didn't want to return my feelings and I could let go because he wasn't important. But like I have said before, I feel something special for him internally that only a few people in my life I have felt this for. (not even my kids or my dh).
Plus I truely believe he has feelings for me, I still think this, the signs are there. But he is very ethical and he would not risk his job on it either. He has a huge reputation. But I think even very ethical T's still will find sometimes in their careers where they meet someone who could be something more if they met elsewhere. We are all human, even T's. Even if I believe he feels this way about me, I also know him enough that he will do what is best for me even if there is mutally attraction, he won't act on it.
Yes he has told me that I am someone who he would like to be social with , but he won't do it. He said it sucks for him too. So I know he really likes me, but I am really going to miss him when therapy is over. One good thing is I think he renewed his gym membership! ;-)
Posted by happyflower on September 13, 2006, at 11:26:19
In reply to Re: Maddie, posted by madeline on September 11, 2006, at 9:04:40
Posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 23:00:53
In reply to Re: Maddie; sorry this is really kind of long, posted by happyflower on September 11, 2006, at 21:08:49
Now that I realize how dysfunctional I've always been, the worst of me has shown itself to my mind, finally, and I understand now. And my T never would have had any kind of feelings for me other than perhaps a kind of pity or sorrow for me.
The despair of that thought could drive me to drink .. haha. But it won't, I can't allow that. I can only say that I'm almost fifty years old, FIFTY for God's sake .. (whimper) ... and just finding out I'm not alone in how I feel about myself, how I feel about other people, that I'm actually .. borderline .. Borderline Personality Disorder .. well, that's huge .. but it also means I'm hugely sensitive, and not in the selfish way but in the way that others affect me very very deeply .. and Yes that does make me crazy sometimes and Yes that makes me Extremely Vulnerable .. and yes I'm one of those extremely empathetic people, and I Do pick up on things that are not spoken but felt ..
Society's made me sick because I can't function like a "normal" person in it.But I'm not sick. And my borderline personality is NOT a diagnosis of hopelessness, or helplessness. What it Does mean, is that I'm extremely vulnerable to your moods, to your thoughts and feelings, to anyone's who is in my space ... and because of that, I get swayed .. and it also means that I cannot carry around a constant feeling of safety inside myself, and I get angry because I become frightened and I feel easily abandoned because I simply am more emotionally plastic than most people could ever understand .. and because of that, I need more supports around me than a lot of other people do. I need support, good, positive support from good, positive, loving people. And just watch me ... I can Soar.
It's finding those people that will be the most difficult task I have to face. And I don't mean finding people who will hold me up. Just people who love me, honour me, are there with their loving presence. I'm an adult. I have taken care of myself all my life. I have come this far. I have not killed myself, although I have definitely been in the pit of despair more than once.
More than once. Today, even. An hour ago .. I was there. Now, I can talk myself out of it. Because I see the value in me. I am truly a loving, valuable person. I am gaining wisdom at an exponential rate, and my most important job is to continue recognizing that.
Posted by Susan47 on September 24, 2006, at 23:04:29
In reply to Re: Maddie; sorry this is really kind of long, posted by happyflower on September 11, 2006, at 21:08:49
of course, because I'm totally torn up today but really, what I wanted to say is I'm so goddamn happy for you it hurts! In a good way. In a good way ;)
This is the end of the thread.
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