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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
Hello, what do you think, dificulties to make decisions is a sign of depression or a lack of skill?.
I suffer when I have to make decision that involve emotional components and change of relations (change work, quit a relationship).
Maybe it is an attachment problem?. Or lack of expected pleasure in the new possibilities (due to a depressive state)?.
Anyone have suggestions?. What kind of therapy?. Psychoanalysis seems not to work, it delays things more. Medication?
Thanks
Posted by muffled on August 31, 2006, at 18:17:14
In reply to difficulties with decisions, posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
Could be ALOT of things.
ALOT.
Sorry I can't be more help.
Mebbe someone can figger this.
Proly need more info.
Nice to meet you.
Muffled
Posted by curtm on August 31, 2006, at 20:04:45
In reply to difficulties with decisions, posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
I do the same thing. I don't believe it is wholly a disordered type of thinking. I think it has to do with a natural fear of change and uncertainty of success. The best remedy to start that I know is a person or persons to support you and reassure you that you can and will succeed. I find it hard to muster the courage on my own most of the time.
The good point here is that you are thinking about changing something in your life. That is step 1. I will take a risk and submit this post right now, so here goes...Good luck- you shall succeed- visualize it.
Curt
Posted by Estella on August 31, 2006, at 20:27:09
In reply to difficulties with decisions, posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
> Hello, what do you think, dificulties to make decisions is a sign of depression or a lack of skill?.
Could be either one or the other or both and could be due to other things too. Avoidance or anxiety or troubles with memory...
> I suffer when I have to make decision that involve emotional components and change of relations (change work, quit a relationship).Who doesn't?
Seriously, stuff like that is hard for anyone I think. That being said some people struggle more than others.I guess CBT could be helpful. You could do therapy where dealing with this is your treatment goal so the therapy would be focused on working out what is holding you back from making these kinds of decisions. The therapist could help your decision making skills while keeping an eye out for related issues like depression or anxiety or whatever where other skills and / or medication could be a useful addition to trying to deal with the problem.
Posted by Poet on September 1, 2006, at 10:20:21
In reply to difficulties with decisions, posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
Hi Franz,
I have trouble making decisions when I'm depressed. Big and small decisions are equally impossible. I know that I'm getting more depressed when I start being unable to make decisions. It's one of the first signs for me.
If your decision making problems are depression related meds could definitely help. Therapy, too. I've been in therapy for four years and my T is eclectic. She does a variety of stuff including energy work. So I can't really say what type of therapy is the best for depression related decision issues. Hopefully some of the CBT and DBT posters will be able to help more in that area.
Poet
Posted by susan47 on September 7, 2006, at 1:32:10
In reply to difficulties with decisions, posted by Franz on August 31, 2006, at 15:10:45
Probably no one will answer to this. Everyone hates Susan47. Which is kind of just the way it is, sometimes. But, oh well. I'm just feeling really angry and resentful right now. BUT Franz, please, don't let me turn you off. I want you to know I hear you. But from my perspective, and perhaps you can relate to some of it?
> Hello, what do you think, dificulties to make decisions is a sign of depression or a lack of skill?.
In the past, I've found that my inability to make decisions correlates quite closely to my inability to deal with change. I have trouble with things like making the transition from work to home. At work I am competent, happy, outgoing and very friendly, for the most part. Light-hearted, even. But I find the first thing I want to do when I get home is crawl into bed and put the pillows and blankets over me. Disappear, hide from the world. I have to fight the urge very much, and it is difficult to control at times. I used to really do that; in the past, I would actually spend time in bed hiding from my responsibilities. Unable to leave the apartment on weekends and evenings, unable to open the mail, return phone calls, log onto my online account, etc etc etc ... and sometimes, making decisions isn't the difficult part. Sometimes, I can make all kinds of wonderful decisions. But my fear of failing stops me from even trying to realize the potential of bringing those decisions to any type of reality. How awful to see that in print...
>
> I suffer when I have to make decision that involve emotional components and change of relations (change work, quit a relationship).I've never been able to quit any relationship very easily when it came to the opposite sex. I idealize a lot. Am constantly disappointed, and giving out the wrong signals. Why? Because I can't make a decision. What do I want? Who do I want? Who don't I want? Does it matter? I should give him a chance .. and then, whoops, too late, and I have to end up despising the person or myself in order to end it. Hanging in there to the last. Afraid to be alone. And depressed. The story of Life. My life. And I don't understand why I've done that to myself ... and I know that I have to change that, because in twenty years I'll be 70, seventy years old .. twenty years passes by in the blink of a bloody eye ... My God. How depressing, how sad, how unable to live and appreciate this moment because, you know what? I'm alone, and I hate being alone. But I hate being with people, the wrong people, as well, as much as I hate being alone. So .. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like there is no hope. No Hope.
>
> Maybe it is an attachment problem?. Or lack of expected pleasure in the new possibilities (due to a depressive state)?.Well, what does it really matter why? How is knowing that going to change anything. It's knowing how to change yourself, live in each moment to the fullest without fear. How the hell do you do that? Near-death experience, maybe? Have you had one of those?
>
> Anyone have suggestions?. What kind of therapy?. Psychoanalysis seems not to work, it delays things more. Medication?Psychoanalysts can be helpful or a hindrance.. have you tried more than one? You say psychoanalysis.. delays things more. I agree that it can definitely be a long drawn-out process, and from what I understand it can fluctuate in how you'll deal with life from week to week, or from one appointment to another .. because of the issues that get brought up and needing to be resolved, and the stages of resolution you need to go through can really all look quite different .. I think. I think. I don't know.
In my experience medication only works as long as you take it, and I've never been successful in that department. If it had the same effect on me that marihuana has, well then, I wouldn't have any trouble taking medication. But the side effects of every med I've ever tried have, in the end, negated the benefits and I've gone off. As my doctor says, I'm "non-compliant". Was there ever a more distasteful, disrespectful way to talk to a patient? *sigh* Ah, well. Somehow, urinary incontinence is supposed to be okay as long as my mood is high, regardless of my true internal temperature. I've gone past the idea that it's a chemical imbalance, for me. At least, for now. I've yet to try to latest class of medications, the latest and greatest of the AD's .. and I don't know if I really want to hide in good moods, anymore. I need to be genuine and.. I suspect this sounds like a justification any non-compliant patient might make .. but I need to feel my moods to get a handle on who the hell I really am. Whether that hurts or not can't matter, anymore. I have a lot of growing I want to do. I really want to. I have to learn to make decisions, to Deal, Baby.
>
> Thanks
>
You're welcome, whether I was understood or judged or not. You sound like someone who's trying to come to understanding.
Posted by Franz on September 8, 2006, at 11:59:34
In reply to From a personal perspective » Franz, posted by susan47 on September 7, 2006, at 1:32:10
> Probably no one will answer to this. Everyone hates Susan47.
Why do you think that?. I liked your response.
> In the past, I've found that my inability to make decisions correlates quite closely to my inability to deal with change.Yes, I think you are right and I can relate. Decisions mean changes and loses.
> Sometimes, I can make all kinds of wonderful decisions. But my fear of failing stops me from even trying to realize the potential of bringing those decisions to any type of reality. How awful to see that in print...
Another good point, fear of failing and then procrastination...
> >
> > I suffer when I have to make decision that involve emotional components and change of relations (change work, quit a relationship).
>
> I've never been able to quit any relationship very easily when it came to the opposite sex. I idealize a lot.
Idealization, right, another issue involved.>.. twenty years passes by in the blink of a bloody eye ... My God.
There is that saying: life is what passes whern you are trying to know what life is about, or something like that.
> How depressing, how sad, how unable to live and appreciate this moment because, you know what? I'm alone, and I hate being alone. But I hate being with people, the wrong people, as well, as much as I hate being alone. So .. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like there is no hope. No Hope.
We must build hope, but some people have it hard to feel faith.
> > Maybe it is an attachment problem?. Or lack of expected pleasure in the new possibilities (due to a depressive state)?.
>
> Well, what does it really matter why?
hehe, maybe yes for someone with some obsessive characteristics. Sometimes I think I want thinks to have perfect structure, like one can see there is a perfect form and the decision reaults evident. Sorry, I don´t know how to explain.>How is knowing that going to change anything. It's knowing how to change yourself, live in each moment to the fullest without fear. How the hell do you do that? Near-death experience, maybe? Have you had one of those?
No, except for aging which shows death comes closer.
I agree that knowing is not enough and that is why some psychotherapies do not work sometimes.
> >
> > Anyone have suggestions?. What kind of therapy?. Psychoanalysis seems not to work, it delays things more. Medication?
>
> Psychoanalysts can be helpful or a hindrance.. have you tried more than one?Sure.
> You say psychoanalysis.. delays things more. I agree that it can definitely be a long drawn-out process, and from what I understand it can fluctuate in how you'll deal with life from week to week, or from one appointment to another .. because of the issues that get brought up and needing to be resolved, and the stages of resolution you need to go through can really all look quite different .. I think. I think. I don't know.An while you think in all those issues you are distracted from day to dfay real life actions. In certain persons I mean and in certain circumstances.
> In my experience medication only works as long as you take it,Like most things: food, a bath, sex, psychotherapy. That´s not a problem.
> and I've never been successful in that department. If it had the same effect on me that marihuana has, well then, I wouldn't have any trouble taking medication.Are those medicinal preparations of the herb available to you?.
>But the side effects of every med I've ever tried have, in the end, negated the benefits and I've gone off. As my doctor says, I'm "non-compliant". Was there ever a more distasteful, disrespectful way to talk to a patient? *sigh* Ah, well. Somehow, urinary incontinence is supposed to be okay as long as my mood is high, regardless of my true internal temperature. I've gone past the idea that it's a chemical imbalance, for me. At least, for now. I've yet to try to latest class of medications, the latest and greatest of the AD's .. and I don't know if I really want to hide in good moods, anymore. I need to be genuine and.. I suspect this sounds like a justification any non-compliant patient might make .. but I need to feel my moods to get a handle on who the hell I really am.That is for psychoterapy, a philosophy master or maybe ART, have you tried art?. It seems you could write, but I would seach for something non verbal, using another parts of the mind.
Or maybe just another decision, wake up some day and decide you will be such and such. Permanent personality is a myth maybe.
>Whether that hurts or not can't matter, anymore. I have a lot of growing I want to do. I really want to. I have to learn to make decisions, to Deal, Baby.
> >
> > Thanks
> >
> You're welcome, whether I was understood or judged or not. You sound like someone who's trying to come to understanding.Thank you and all who replied, more interesting than I expected.
This is the end of the thread.
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