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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:43
I'm thinking of joining a group for trauma survivors. I'm really scared of it though, just even the thought that other people will know. I also get scared that because my T suggested it he's sick of me. Anyone have experience with a group? What's the good, bad, and ugly?
sunnydays
Posted by zenhussy on August 29, 2006, at 20:28:37
In reply to group therapy?, posted by sunnydays on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:43
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/291360.html
years back when group therapy was ending.....kinda a summary of the good, bad, and ugly....of sorts.
Posted by Jost on August 29, 2006, at 23:31:40
In reply to Re: group therapy? » sunnydays, posted by zenhussy on August 29, 2006, at 20:28:37
I've been in three groups. Four actually, but one ended and I was seeing the T running both, so I went into the second group.
In retrospect I've learned a lot from them. IRL, they weren't so great.
I don't fit well into groups. I tend to swim against the current. Also tend to be able to outthink most people, on my feet--it's a bad habit. I'm a pretty fast logic chopper, when I'm feeling threatened, but not too threatened. Tend to do it much too often-- not a good thing, in a group.
Or I used to be.
On one hand, I don't like fitting in, unless I just do. On the other hand, I could probably learn a lot, if I could be calmer, less assertive, and more adaptive.
Groups can be good for support, or for working out some issue-- if your issues aren't too intense. Sometimes people would really set me off, and one can learn to handle that. Or if people understand you, that can reinforce that you're okay.
I personally would be extremely careful about trusting the judgment, skill and balance of the T. I'd say that several of the group Ts handled some important issues with me really really badly-- which caused serious breakdowns between me and them, and then me and the other group members. And I actually thought the other one was handling things pretty badly with a couple of other group members.
I'm hypercritical, though.
It depends on how comfortable you are in group situations, too. I have some issues about that, also.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Groups can be good or actually pretty bad, depending on the other group members and the therapist.
I don't mean to discourage you, though, because with a good T and people you relate to, I"ve seen people get a lot out of groups.
I'd give it a try and see how it feels. That's the only real test.
Jost
Posted by Daisym on August 30, 2006, at 1:13:08
In reply to group therapy?, posted by sunnydays on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:43
I had exactly the same reaction to going to group-- I thought it was a way for me to become less dependent on my therapist, though I didn't tell him that at first, and when he agreed group might be helpful, I decided he was sick of me. It was very hard for me to start the group -- the first night I barely stayed present and I thought I'd throw up.
The jury is still out for me about whether group has been helpful or not. I think Zen's post is absolutely right, the group members need to sort of be in the same place in their journey. Otherwise you have people who have never told their story to anyone but their therapist,(like me)and you have people who have done years of groups. And some people know the therapy/survivor language and some don't yet. So when someone says "molest" they might mean all kinds of things. It has been a challenge for me to hear things in a "casual" way and it probably has been good for me to tell women, since my mom stuff is pretty huge. I have to consciously not lead the group, or interpret for other people. And I worry about some of the group members who don't have ongoing therapy, but I also know it isn't my job to worry about them.
I'm not sure I'll stay with group much longer, just because the dynamics of it are changing and I'll be a good 15 years older than everyone else. That and the fact that I'm in a professional position makes my life experiences very different from everyone else. Which can be goood, but I feel like the group grandma!!
All that said, group has stimulated some great discussions (and HUGE melt downs) in my individual therapy. So it is definately a mixed bag. I think you have to know what you are hoping to get out of it -- why does any part of you want to go? Good luck and let us know what you choose.
Posted by Tabitha on August 30, 2006, at 12:47:14
In reply to group therapy?, posted by sunnydays on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:43
I did a group that was supposed to be a mixed process/support group. (Nothing to do with survivors of abuse, just a generic group.) The bad: the group was too stressful for me as there was just too much conflict. I went backward in my overall functioning in my life. Also since my T was running the group, the conflict and stress hurt our relationship, and my individual time became all group processing time. The good: after I quit the group, I really did integrate some of the things that I learned in the group and had some growth.
Posted by Racer on August 30, 2006, at 12:49:04
In reply to Re: group therapy? » sunnydays, posted by Daisym on August 30, 2006, at 1:13:08
My start was a lot different from Dinah and Jost -- I was actively wanting to be in a group, so I was thrilled when my T started the one that's going now. To me, it just feels good to know that I'm not as alone as I often feel.
In my case, the group I'm in is an eating disorders group, and for most of the year it's been going, I've been the only non-purging anorexic in it. That's weird for me, because there are some very different issues for purging versus non-purging eating disorders. It's also a problem for me to be by far the fattest person in the group. (Although I may not really be. We did mirror exercises one night, and I saw myself a little bit, I think. For a minute, looking in the mirror, I looked thinner than I usually see myself. But, I can't tell. Which is real? Which is distorted? Or is that a very flattering mirror?) At any rate, I do feel fat and lazy and a failure sometimes, because I have gained so much weight, but then -- I feel like that a lot anyway...
I'm also a great deal older than anyone else in the group. I think the next oldest is about ten years younger than I am. That is also kinda hard for me.
On the plus side, though -- it's such an incredible relief to be there, and hear that other people experience some of the same things I do. I really cannot tell you what a relief it is, and how much less isolated I feel when I'm there. I look forward to the group so much, it's like a lifeline for me.
So, part of the answer I think is to ask what you're looking for from the group? Some things you will almost certainly find if you're looking for them: other people with similar experiences, for instance; and a sense that you're not entirely alone in your pain. Other things are less likely, though. Group isn't necessarily the place to find The Answer to all your issues, it won't magically make things go away. But there's a lot of sharing what helps for one person, and some of it may help you, too. And there's a lot of understanding, from people who really do understand your pain.
Our group had an evening when we looked at pictures of one another, at various points in our disorders. Two of us really had been overweight -- in my case from antidepressants -- and we managed to show pictures of ourselves. We also showed pictures of ourselves at lower weights, which was kinda revelatory: each and every one of us who showed thin pictures could see the others are way too thin, as sick looking -- but none of us could really see what the others said about us. I showed some pictures of me thin, and couldn't believe that the others were saying things like "skeletal" and "like those anorexics you see in books." To me, those pictures showed someone who was, well, slim. Nothing more. And I'm pretty sure others felt the same way.
Anyway, I'm late today, but that's my story. I'm very much attached to group, so I'm always in favor of trying it. Often, for me, it brings up things I want to talk to my therapist about in individual sessions. Sometimes it's just my reaction to others in the group, but sometimes it's deeper issues that I wouldn't have known about if they hadn't come out in group, things that even my T might not have figured out needed to be addressed.
Hope that helps.
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