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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on August 24, 2006, at 0:22:49
My latest arrival on my inside scene I will call NK. (newkid)
She's proly been around, I just didn't know it?
Dunno.
She was SO upset when my T said something, but I can't even say it cuz I scared she might freak again.
But I got say it, cuz I don't want to be a wimp.
All she said was in response to my fax asking her if she KNEW evil. And she asked me, do YOU know...
And BAM, kid was there and freaking entirely.
I pushed it down, but my whole body was shaking like I was cold. But I tend to jiggle and squirm so much at the best of times, I don't think my T noticed.
So I went to bathroom to try and calm down.
But I couldn't. And I went back, and she was talking and I just couldn't do it and I ran away.
I went to forest and rocked and kept saying 'its ok, its ok' over and over.
And after awhile I stopped shaking.
And then the NK was happy I think cuz Ikid was wanting to play with her.
Go figger.
It was all so strange.
Then I left a message on my T's voicemail to say sorry and that I was OK.
And idiot that I am, I was kinda annoyed when she left voicemail on my phone and says 'I know your ok, and the kid is ok'. Well how the hell does she know THAT?
Anyhow, I did send her a fax after to say sorta what happened. And she did phone me back to say thank-you for the fax.
I think she got something going on in her own life right now. Dunno what, but something. Cuz its like she not all there. But that also could just be me ....
I get so confused bout stuff.
So,
there's something festering, but I not gonna think bout it.
And I think my T said the week b4, that she would be away THIS comming week. But we never got a chance to remind me cuz I left so abruptly. And we never got to say bout making appt. for following week.
So I dunno whats happening.....
I'm so stupid.
I'm getting really pissed at my T, but I think its because I WANT to be pissed at her so I don't get too close. Cuz I already too close, and she knows too much.
And I fear a nasty fax is comming on, and if she already got probs, she don't need more sh*t from me.
But I so freaked and I scared of whats inside and my protector wants to protect me, and cuz I scared, I WANT my protector to protect me. Even if its wrong and does stupid things.
This is so long.
Shows the state of my confusion.
Thanks for listening.
Muffled
Posted by Fallsfall on August 24, 2006, at 11:41:01
In reply to So........, posted by muffled on August 24, 2006, at 0:22:49
If your therapist has stuff going on, that is for her to deal with. You don't have to protect her. She can take care of herself.
Call her or send her a fax about a next appointment. I go nuts if I don't know when my next appointment is.
You might tell your therapist that you think that you are getting angry to keep her at a distance. You could be very perceptive on that.
It is a confusing time for you.
I'm glad you could comfort NK when she was so scared. Give her a hug from me, if she likes hugs.
Posted by Jost on August 24, 2006, at 12:17:12
In reply to So........, posted by muffled on August 24, 2006, at 0:22:49
Muffled, I've been wanting to write, but not knowing what would help-- or not help. I'm glad my earlier post helped, though, and I've been wanting to thank you for saying that, because it means a lot.
Mostly wish I knew what to say, or how to get more inside how your mind and feelings work, and who all your parts are.
It might take time, because I haven't been here long, and other people know you much better.
I always read what you write, though, and love to hear your voice here.
If only it were easier now for you to move through experiences, to bring harmony into your mind, within or among your parts, and things made sense, and sort of fit together. But there's a lot of hope that that will happen.
Maybe that's what your T meant when she said she knew you were okay and the kid was okay. She might not mean that you were okay at this moment, or that moment, but that you and the kid were going to be okay, over time, that you would make it together (with her), and so she could keep the faith for you.
I'm glad she faxed and called-- even if she doesn't say the best thing, or isn't all there (or is, and you can't feel it now)--because it means she's doing whatever she can. Sometimes it's not enough, but the trying makes a huge difference. Not everyone in this world tries.
So, I'll be thinking about you today in Vermont in the woods.
Jost
Posted by happyflower on August 25, 2006, at 11:38:33
In reply to So........, posted by muffled on August 24, 2006, at 0:22:49
Love ya muffy! ;-) (((((((muffy)))))
Posted by muffled on August 26, 2006, at 9:55:51
In reply to Re: So........ » muffled, posted by Fallsfall on August 24, 2006, at 11:41:01
> If your therapist has stuff going on, that is for her to deal with. You don't have to protect her. She can take care of herself.
***Yeah. She good at keeping her work from not wrecking her I think.
>
> Call her or send her a fax about a next appointment. I go nuts if I don't know when my next appointment is.***She back on Sept. 5,2006
First day of school, so mebbe I can go on the THurs.
>
> You might tell your therapist that you think that you are getting angry to keep her at a distance. You could be very perceptive on that.***She phoned and said she thinks the last few sessions have been hard for me, she not sure whats what, that mebbe I feel she don't understand or something.
I got some theories in my journal. I can post them later.
>
> It is a confusing time for you.***VERY
>
> I'm glad you could comfort NK when she was so scared. Give her a hug from me, if she likes hugs.**That was so cool. She was new as far as I know. Or I wasn't aware of her anyway, and yet she listened to me.
I think she real little. So I'll cuddle her for you.
Thanks,
Muffled
P.S. That was coherant wasn't it?
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