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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 22:37:56
My therapist gave me the very great gift Friday of a Jessica moment. :)
In the midst of all the headaches, it sure was nice to have that to hold on to.
Posted by sunnydays on August 19, 2006, at 22:43:01
In reply to A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 22:37:56
That's so nice. I'm happy for you and wishing that the headaches end for you soon.
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on August 20, 2006, at 0:32:12
In reply to A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 19, 2006, at 22:37:56
Don't hold out on us...share!! (if you can, of course).
I hope you have more of these moments and less of those headaches.
Posted by annierose on August 20, 2006, at 7:00:48
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » Dinah, posted by Daisym on August 20, 2006, at 0:32:12
I'm with Daisy - are you able to share?
Either way, hold on tight and always hold it in your heart. Your memories are yours to keep forever.
Posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by annierose on August 20, 2006, at 7:00:48
Well, it was a series of Jessica moments, and it's hard to describe while keeping the spirit of the conversation, which was very much within the proper therapeutic boundaries.
His retirement (in the indeterminate future) had come up in our usual conversation about whether he had anything to tell me, and I squeaked something about retirement? He'd still see me when he was retired wouldnt' he? And he laughed and said sure he would, and I'd probably be happy with how poor his memory would be by then, and I could tell him whatever I wanted knowing he'd forget it right away.
Then later I brought up a concern I have had for some time about not deserving to take up his time when there were so many local people struggling with so much, and who were so much more deserving of his time. And he said that we had worked together for so long that he would always have a space for me in his practice whenever I needed it, and would never consider me to be taking up his time without deserving it.
Which led me to privately muse on therapy love. When he asked what I was smiling about, I told him that I knew that I felt therapy love for him, that I loved him as my therapist/mommy, and that I realized that I only loved the part of him that he showed in the therapy room. But didn't he think that it was real nonetheless? That I had therapy/loved him for so many years, and been so constant in it, that it had to be real, if limited in scope. And then I said that I knew therapist/love was very different from client/love but was it presumptuous of me to think that he therapist/loved me? And he said that yes, he did "therapist/love" me, and pointed out a time recently when he clearly showed concern for Dinah as someone he cared about.
It was nothing enormously new. He's said in the past that he cared about me and that that caring wasn't all that different from what I was calling love. But that he couldn't say love because it was too loaded a phrase, and might arouse unrealistic expectations.
So I guess it was more that he trusted me not to misinterpret what he was saying enough to use the L word. Of course, I had clearly defined the parameters of what I was asking so that there was absolutely no doubt that I understood that "therapist/love" was different from romantic love or even friendship love. So a lot of it was in the way I asked.
But I don't want to dismiss it. It was really cool of him to be so kind.
Really, our sessions lately have been so wonderful. His boundaries are back to ironclad, so it's not that. It's just that there's an easiness in our interactions. A lot of teasing and laughter, and a whole lot of work on current issues being done, but in a leisurely comfy way. It's hard to describe. It's just that the dance (thank you Annierose) has changed. The tension between us that I was wishing for is different than it was or that I had envisioned it being. It's not spaghetti arms, but it's not taut either. It's lazy and familiar and fond and accepting. Have you ever seen two fondly long married people dancing casually together, then laugh and swoop and dip and have fun?
I don't think I'll ever trust that he will be there for me like I used to trust. I always know that he will leave me if he needs to. I also know that he's not the source of strength that I used to see him as, the pillar, the rock.
But that sort of trust seems to have been replaced with something just as nice in its own way. More equality, more acceptance of each others' flaws, more love, if you want to think of it that way, but in the very most appropriate therapeutic way.
Good grief. Next I'll be saying that maybe change isn't always so bad. :)
Posted by annierose on August 20, 2006, at 13:33:58
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
That was a nice session Dinah - thank you for sharing the intimacy with us. I'm glad the new dance is comfty too. Let's cross our fingers and pray that the hurricane season passes over humanity in all countries.
Posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 15:24:02
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by annierose on August 20, 2006, at 13:33:58
I hope it wasn't too much information. :)
It's just that you guys went through all the awful stuff going on for almost a year. And now I wanted to share that things aren't the way they used to, but my therapist was right. They're just as good in a different way.
Posted by Fallsfall on August 20, 2006, at 15:36:05
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
What a nice story. You certainly are a Jessica! Feels good, doesn't it?
Posted by LadyBug on August 20, 2006, at 16:13:16
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
Thanks for sharing your story. It was wonderful to read that we can get through the storms we have in therapy if the therapist/client is willing to work hard at it. That's how the process is supposed to work right? You have proven this.
LadyBug
Posted by Daisym on August 20, 2006, at 16:16:18
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » annierose, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 15:24:02
Not too much information! Thanks for sharing all of that - it made me feel good. :) I'm glad to know that there can still be such tender moments after so many years.
Posted by jammerlich on August 20, 2006, at 18:50:38
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
Not too much information at all!! Thank you so much for sharing the details. I am so happy for you.
I think it'd be nice if we kept a Jessica thread going all the time (maybe on social since it might not always be related to therapy) so people could post about little moments when they felt important to someone else. It makes my heart happy to hear about others feeling special!
Posted by TherapyGirl on August 21, 2006, at 10:31:15
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 12:42:25
What a wonderful way you have of writing about this session and your relationship with your T. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 12:16:29
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » annierose, posted by Dinah on August 20, 2006, at 15:24:02
Dinah,
Thanks so much for sharing this. It *is* good to hear that you and your T are getting back to a cozy, supportive relationship, after all of the turmoil. Sounds like you had some inner wisdom helping you stick it out until things settled down, even when we all were ready to give up on him.
peg
Posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 18:03:00
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on August 21, 2006, at 10:31:15
I am glad thinks are feeling more comfortable with your T. You deserve this from him, and I hope it continues. Enjoy the moment. ;-)
Posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 8:43:39
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » Dinah, posted by Fallsfall on August 20, 2006, at 15:36:05
I don't know who Jessica is, but I'm so happy for you Dinah. You deserve the best from your T and it's so nice to know that he cares about you too :o)
-ll
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 9:07:01
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » Fallsfall, posted by llrrrpp on August 22, 2006, at 8:43:39
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/604227.html
That's the explanation of being a Jessica. :)
Thank you llrrrpp. I'm enjoying it while I can.
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 9:11:37
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment, posted by happyflower on August 21, 2006, at 18:03:00
I'm not a complete idiot. I know he can and will likely hurt me again. Because I care so much. Because he is who he is.
I'll likely come crying here about something he's done, and the something he's done will sometimes be something objectively not good. Hopefully they'll be much shorter moments than the eight or so months this last time.
But something *has* shifted, certainly from the post-Katrina months, and even from pre-Katrina. Perhaps a bit of comaraderie from having gone through bad times sort of together?
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 9:12:47
In reply to Re: A Jessica Moment » Dinah, posted by jammerlich on August 20, 2006, at 18:50:38
I agree. That would be a great idea. Or maybe on Self Esteem?
I know nothing boosts my morale as much as feeling like I'm special to someone.
This is the end of the thread.
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