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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 19:39:29
I miss my T. He's only gone for one week. I want to talk to him so much, but I don't want to call him. I don't think he'd mind if I did call, but I want to give him a break from me, so I don't think I'm going to. But I really just want to hear his voice, know he's alive, know he doesn't hate me, that sort of thing. And I just really miss him. I also have moved in the week since I've seen him (I'm in college, so I had to move to my new room) and my life just feels so discombobulated. And I think that the younger part of me is really scared that since I'm in a new place that I'm never going to see him again. He gave me a couple things he wrote for me in my last session that I've been reading a lot - they're sort of things I need to learn to believe for myself about myself - things like that I am not bad, and that I'm kind. They're not written from his perspective, they're all written as "I" statements for me to read to myself, but just the fact that he wrote them down for me means a lot to me. Anyway, I don't know what I'm going on and on about, I guess I just really miss him. And it doesn't help that my depression's been getting worse for a couple weeks now and now he's gone. Just a few more days, though. He comes back next week.
sunnydays
Posted by ElaineM on August 17, 2006, at 20:50:30
In reply to i miss my T, posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 19:39:29
Hey Sunny, I always hated the first little bit back at school. Especially when the room still looks empty, and not really yours yet. I hated the whole "new" feeling. It's upsetting when things are different -- I guess cause it reminds me that change exists. And sameness is comforting. Do you usually settle in there after a certain amount of time?
It's good that your T will be back like normal soon. Maybe it will help your transition to have him as a constant? I thought his written-out phrases seemed like such a nice gesture -- at least you have them to look at when he's away now. I know it's not the same thing as being in person, but it's something:-)
I hope next week seems to come soon -- you can kill time decorating :-)
hugs, EL
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 21:38:40
In reply to i miss my T, posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 19:39:29
When do you next see him next? It's Thursday already. I do this thing where when it starts getting toward the end, I remind myself that it's no longer to see him than if I'd just seen him that day, or do the daily countdown.
I definitely understand. How can you self comfort while he's gone?
Posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 21:51:09
In reply to Re: i miss my T, posted by ElaineM on August 17, 2006, at 20:50:30
Hi EL,
I actually stayed at school over the summer, so it was just a move from one building to another. But it still does feel 'new'. I'm most of the way unpacked and the decorating sort of happens for me as the year progresses, but I definitely do have a few more boxes to unpack. And then I ought to reorganize everything because once I put everything away I always realize it would be better a different way. I do settle in pretty quickly. I was away for all of high school, too, so I'm pretty used to the packing/unpacking routine. But change always upsets me. Thanks for thinking of me.sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 22:04:20
In reply to Re: i miss my T » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 21:38:40
I see him Monday. I recently went up to two times a week, so it's still not quite at the point where it would be the same as if I had seen him. But tomorrow it will be.
We've been talking about self-soothing a lot lately. I should try to go for walks when it's light out. It's just hard when I'm feeling depressed to talk myself into it. I convince myself that I don't really want to, that I deserve to feel bad, etc.
I just miss him so much. I'm on the verge of tears tonight.
sunnydays
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 22:07:30
In reply to Re: i miss my T, posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 22:04:20
Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been near tears since last session. I've been wanting to call and schedule an extra session, but I knew I couldn't because of my own schedule. Knowing I can't is probably what makes me feel like I need to.
Posted by ElaineM on August 17, 2006, at 22:41:40
In reply to Re: i miss my T » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2006, at 22:07:30
>>>Knowing I can't is probably what makes me feel like I need to.
Dinah, I think that's so true. That's how I've been like with LadyDoctor. Throughout the year I could go a month sometimes inbetween appointments. As the year was ending, it was every other week. Now that I can't see her ever again I think about her (and miss) her all the time. Sometimes I even get confused about missing her and missing my T -- like, which one the feelings really are for.
Anyways, sunny, I found it very jarring when I went up to two times a week. Then I went to three. Are the two of you working up to have even more sessions? It's supposed to make it easier to attach and maintain constancy -- so I've been told :-)
Wow, I can't believe you've stayed away at school for so much of your life. Have you always been away from family and home, or was it the same city, or at least near by? No wonder you don't like change -- it must've seemed to always be a given.
I find it hard to move too when I'm sinking in a depression -- I just barely crawled out of one. So, I don't have any great advice about how to motvate yourself that way. Usually I just delve into a DVD boxset or something -- at least I'm not stuck in my own head then 24/7, sometimes I can even get distracted for a little while. Self-soothing is something that flies over my head. I just cannot do it. It was always our "homework" in ED treatment. Blah. I don't know what would be self-soothing -- maybe reading over your T's note counts. It think it does.
Does the weekend ever make a difference to your mood?
(((sunny)))
EL
Posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 23:01:52
In reply to Re: i miss my T, posted by ElaineM on August 17, 2006, at 22:41:40
> Anyways, sunny, I found it very jarring when I went up to two times a week. Then I went to three. Are the two of you working up to have even more sessions? It's supposed to make it easier to attach and maintain constancy -- so I've been told :-)No, we're going to stay at twice a week. But I'm going to have to go down to once a week again in a couple weeks because my mom won't pay for it anymore. She wants a reason that I need to go so often, and I don't want to give one to her. So I guess unless I decide to give her a reason I have to go back to once a week in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'll go back to once a week. Maybe it'll be easier once classes start and I'm busier.
> Wow, I can't believe you've stayed away at school for so much of your life. Have you always been away from family and home, or was it the same city, or at least near by? No wonder you don't like change -- it must've seemed to always be a given.
High school was about 45 minutes away. I went home every other weekend or so. But my home wasn't really very healthy, so it's good I was away at school. But I definitely think never having a reliable, constant, safe place is a big part of why change is so hard for me.
> I find it hard to move too when I'm sinking in a depression -- I just barely crawled out of one. So, I don't have any great advice about how to motvate yourself that way. Usually I just delve into a DVD boxset or something -- at least I'm not stuck in my own head then 24/7, sometimes I can even get distracted for a little while.
Yeah, I watch TV a lot. My T says that's not such a good way to cope because it just kind of numbs you out, but I resort to it a lot of the time.
> Does the weekend ever make a difference to your mood?Unfortunately, the weekend usually makes it worse. Less structure, because I don't have to go to work.
> (((sunny)))
Thank you. Did I hear it's your birthday today? Or some day soon? I can't find the post, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! You soooo deserve a happy one!
sunnydays
Posted by thewrite1 on August 18, 2006, at 0:59:39
In reply to i miss my T, posted by sunnydays on August 17, 2006, at 19:39:29
Does your T have voicemail? My T has been on vacation for the past week, and I've called and listened to her voicemail about 100 times without leaving a message. It's kind of helped me through.
This is the end of the thread.
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