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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
In a workshop I was in this weekend, the speaker demonstrated an eerie phenomenon. She had us close our eyes and listen to a word. Then we had to open our eyes and look at the person saying the word. In an instant, the word changed. But in reality, what we were hearing was the same thing. If you closed your eyes again, you could hear it correctly. But if you watched the person speaking, you heard something completely different. And the visual was of a person saying yet another word. So the lips and the sounds didn't match -- so our brains converted all of the input into something halfway -- trying to make sense of things.
I was very struck by this. My joke during class was, "does this mean when my husband says, 'I didn't say that,' he is telling the truth?" -- but it made me think about therapy a lot. Lately I've been "hearing" things that my therapist tells me he isn't saying. Mostly I hear an emphasis placed in a way that makes me feel bad -- but I'm pretty sure it is my emphasis. For example, I had a melt down and called and left a stupid message about whether it would be OK to call him over the weekend. (He has only told me a 1000 times that he wants me to call if I'm having a hard time, right?) He called back and said, "Nothing has changed. If you are really having a hard time, call me." What I heard was "if you REALLY need me...I guess you can call me. *sigh*" I listened to his message at least 4 times and kept hearing this. And yet, I'm certain, intellectually, the emphasis on "REALLY" was all mine. But I felt so rejected.
I asked him today. He was really surprised and said, "I don't think I said it like that, and I'm sure I don't mind you calling. So what has changed to make you question that?" That's the million dollar question, isn't it? So what am I seeing that makes me hear things that aren't there? And how do I stop doing that!!?
Posted by fallsfall on August 15, 2006, at 8:03:34
In reply to Do you see what I hear?, posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
Gives new meaning to the phrase "rose colored glasses", doesn't it?
Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2006, at 10:58:37
In reply to Do you see what I hear?, posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
I think some words are emotionally loaded. Even if they are said with the exact same volume and no added emphasis they scream at the people who are attuned to them.
If I hear really in that sort of context, it really screams REALLY. I think I'm getting better in that I try to check it out in the moment.
My therapist says the other day that he chooses his words very carefully because he knows that when he phrases things certain ways, I hear it as differently than he meant it. I told him that I'd prefer that he not be so careful, and sure enough, there are more misunderstandings. But in the end, I'm sure it's better for me to not be coddled.
Don't worry about it. I think it's normal, and something to be aware of for the sake of understanding, but not to beat yourself up over.
Posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 12:39:07
In reply to Do you see what I hear?, posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
Very interesting.
What word was used at the seminar?
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 13:49:17
In reply to Re: Do you see what I hear? » Daisym, posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 12:39:07
The perceptual phenomenon is known as the McGurk Effect. Basically, the video is of a face saying one syllable, and the Audio is a voice saying another symbol. What we percieve is neither the audio or the video track. A perfect demonstration that perception is mental, and not always reflective of the physical reality (Plato's Cave, anyone?)
http://ccms.ntu.edu.tw/~karchung/Phonetics%20II%20page%20seventeen.htm
Humans mostly perceive language in terms of gist, rather than in terms of actual words. We paraphrase at the same time we listen, and that often leads to misquotes and misunderstandings, because our paraphrasing ability is often colored by our mood, and other important contextual variables.
-ll
Posted by pegasus on August 16, 2006, at 9:31:48
In reply to Do you see what I hear?, posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
Very very interesting. Thanks for sharing that. I'm sure it explains a lot of misunderstandings that people have. Although, I'm afraid that being aware of this type of thing could backfire, in that it could make one question one's interpretation of everything. Which is maybe realistic, but also then hard to build up a sense of trust in oneself. I think I tend to lean too much in that direction anyway, personally.
peg
Posted by llrrrpp on August 16, 2006, at 9:54:23
In reply to Re: Do you see what I hear?, posted by pegasus on August 16, 2006, at 9:31:48
Well, Pegasus,
A flying horse has to have trust in him/herself- Don't underestimate your mind!
That's why in human communication it's so important to check in every now and then with our conversational partners- to repeat what they just told us, but in our own words. See if we are in consensus.
Note that the illusion is only for short sounds of one syllable. Occasionally, we might mishear a word when we are expecting another word, but that's okay. Rarely do we have entire conversations with someone where we completely mishear the sounds that are coming out of their mouths!
In general, such illusions are illustrative of the POWER of our minds, not the WEAKNESS of them. The fact that we do pretty well in terms of visual perception and communication in our everyday lives suggests that these abilities are finely tuned by evolution and development. We have to try pretty hard to find little glitches in the system where reality and perception have a schizm (i.e. in this audio-visual, and other types of illusions). For most people, in most circumstances, seeing is believing. (hence the flying horse)
-ll
Posted by littleone on August 16, 2006, at 22:04:48
In reply to Do you see what I hear?, posted by Daisym on August 14, 2006, at 23:57:39
> So what has changed to make you question that?" That's the million dollar question, isn't it? So what am I seeing that makes me hear things that aren't there? And how do I stop doing that!!?
I think it's because of our beliefs. For example, lets say you had a belief that said "I am unwanted". A lot of other beliefs and behaviours and thoughts and feelings and defenses and stuff are driven by that belief.
So in order for you to maintain these things, you need to maintain the belief. So you tend to pick up on things that will reinforce or prove the belief to be true and you will tend to overlook or explain away anything that disproves the belief.
"Hearing" a tone in your T's voice is one way you could continue to prove your belief correct.
I haven't read anything about this, but I tend to believe that changing your beliefs would happen in stages. So if say your belief was "I am unwanted", then even starting to believe "I am wanted by my T" would not be enough to eradicate the attempts to prove the "I am unwanted" belief true. It would just be a first step.
I tend to think that it is only once you change the deep "I am unwanted" belief to the world at large that you would stop trying to prove it true.
And I think that starts with learning to believe that "I am wanted by my T" and gradually working out from there.
I should clarify that whenever I said "you" in this, I don't mean you specifically, I mean anyone really. And I'm not saying the belief driving this is "I am unwanted", that was just an example that came to mind.
This is the end of the thread.
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