![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 9:51:06
I wrote this after my session last week. I still feel this way. I thought it would go away and I would maybe want to read it to her. Maybe I should but I don’t see myself gathering the nerve. I think it says a lot in just a few sentences though. But then, I am not sure exactly what I am saying.
~~ I am feeling so much animosity right now. I hate this relationship some times; right now. Have you ever been on this side? Not the therapist? This relationship…it feels so generic. I hate how hard it is for me, but at the end of 50 minutes, what do you care how I feel? I’m just a time slot. I don’t need a name. Just call me Wednesday at 3 ~~
Posted by Poet on August 9, 2006, at 11:54:10
In reply to i dont need a name, posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 9:51:06
Hi Bent,
No, but you deserve a name. You deserve compassion and caring. You don't deserve to leave a session and feel like a filled time slot. I think your T needs to know.
If you can't read it to your T, can you hand it to her on the way out? I've done the drop and dash. The next session my T will hold it up and ask if I want to talk about it. Sometimes I say yes and sometimes no. I know that I'm lucky that my T has infinite patience and doesn't push.
I think you should try the drop and dash. I've carried wrinkled pieces of paper in my purse or pocket for weeks before I get up the nerve. Try to at least bring it, if you chicken out, so what, bring it until you can leave it with her.
Good luck.Poet
Posted by Jost on August 9, 2006, at 13:22:28
In reply to i dont need a name, posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 9:51:06
There's also the push under the door after exiting,
and the stuff into envelop, stamp and mail (esp. before a one-week vacation, so there's time for you to get used to having sent it)and other evasive techniques, so that your T would know, but you'd feel more comfortable.
You definitely shouldn't feel leave like a generic "Wed.-at--3pm"~P.
Jost
Posted by annierose on August 9, 2006, at 15:59:37
In reply to i dont need a name, posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 9:51:06
I can understand your feeling that way. I have felt vaguely similar at times. My t replied, "Do you think you are just my Monday @ 10?" So your comment made me smile.
My T did go on to say, "How could I do this job if I didn't care about the people I choose to work with? You do matter to me." And I know she does. Do you feel that she does care deep down, and on the surface just worry that she doesn't?
It is so hard to trust the feelings of our Ts when they keep so much to themselves. It is a complicated, but wonderful relationship.
Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:06:31
In reply to Re: i dont need a name » bent, posted by Poet on August 9, 2006, at 11:54:10
I am pretty good writing her stuff. Maybe I will just give it to her. You bring up a good point for me about patience. I think part of my reluctance to share this with her is that I am afraid one of these days she's just gonna get sick of this stuff. My testing her, fearing rejection, etc. But she says no. Its part of the process. I guess I should find relief in what seems to be abundant patience.
Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:08:06
In reply to Re: i dont need a name, posted by Jost on August 9, 2006, at 13:22:28
Your post made me smile. There really are so many 'evasive techniques.' I am sure those of us in therapy could list tons! Thanks
Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:13:42
In reply to Re: i dont need a name » bent, posted by annierose on August 9, 2006, at 15:59:37
. That sounds wonderful. I will hope my T says something similar to me. Sometimes I really do think she cares deep down. I think that if she didn’t, would I have picked up on it? Would we still be working together four years later? I don’t think we would if it wasn’t genuine. I don’t know if this will make sense but, sometimes I think the kid in me wants to be so mad at her and make her out to be someone who doesn’t care because then I feel less dependant and needy. It wouldn’t hurt so much to detach if she didn’t care about me…if I was “just a time slot.” But I think that come from a very young and irrational place within me.
Posted by annierose on August 9, 2006, at 20:44:36
In reply to Re: i dont need a name » annierose, posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:13:42
I think what you said makes a ton of sense. It's very scary to trust someone when at an early age, a lot of us learned the opposite - "Don't trust. They don't care." But we loved them anyway. I think that all gets stirred up in therapy. Of course they cannot love us in the same manner a real friend would or should, but the love is there, in that room. At least I feel it is.
Posted by littleone on August 9, 2006, at 21:13:27
In reply to i dont need a name, posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 9:51:06
Hi Bent,
I felt like this with my T for a very long time. And still do at some times. My T said something in relation to something else, but I found it helped a lot with this problem.
He said that he doesn't really openly state his caring very much, but that he prefers to show he cares in what he does. And that he hopes that I can see that over time he has remained committed to helping me overcome my difficulties.
This helped me a lot, the way he is always nice to me. That long term consistency. I really don't think he could have maintained that for so long if he didn't really care about me and want the best for me.
I still often get a mindset where I think we're a distant doctor/patient or where I'm just a time in his appointment book. But I try to think about that consistency of his to remind myself that this is just what I feel and believe. It isn't necessarily the truth.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.