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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 10:10:07
Hi all, this is the first time I have posted on the psychology board.
My therapist who is also my pdoc, informed me last week that she is five months pregnant (How stupid of me not to even notice!) and that she will be taking a leave of absence for three months starting November.
She also said that she will not be doing therapy anymore, just "medication visits" when she returns. I (and a great number of her current therapy patients) are naturally quite upset.
She knew she was trying to become pregnant when she took on more and more therapy patients, which to me is very thoughtless and irresponsible. I developed an attachment to her which now is totally blown apart. I am angry and feel so cheated and abandoned that she could be so selfish as to knowingly take new patients (I have been going to her for about a year first for med. visits and then therapy).
She wants to set me up with a new therapist and continue to see her for med. visits when she returns. I told her thanks anyway but I am not starting out with someone new.
When I began therapy with her, she told me and I reminded her this "I will be here. I am not going anywhere". She admits she was wrong but the damage is done. How's that for abandonment?
Val
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 11:23:46
In reply to My therapist is pregnant terminating all therapy, posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 10:10:07
I would like to be charitable and think that she didn't realize that her nesting instinct would kick in with pregnancy hormones, and she didn't mean to abandon the clients she took on while trying to get pregnant.
That said, I'd be hurt and angry and sad. I think that's a completely appropriate reaction to loss. Give yourself time to grieve.
I am growing more and more disenchanted with therapy that promises more than it can deliver, or encourages you to rely on someone who won't always be there for you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Posted by ElaineM on July 19, 2006, at 16:25:55
In reply to My therapist is pregnant terminating all therapy, posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 10:10:07
Wow val, that must've hit you like a ton of bricks. My last T told me that she was pregnant after 4 months -- I couldn't tell either. She took a month off to have the baby and then came back very part-time after that, to follow-up with the people who had been referred to her from the hospital.
I mentioned it to my T now (how difficult seperations are) and I said, "You know, because she left on maternity leave." And he made a "Tss" noise - which to me sounded like "Figures!". Another pdoc made a similar comment. They seemed wary of sending clients to young female T's. Lucky for me, mine came back after the month was up. She committed to finish out another year with me -- she did -- and then I was sent on my way to who I'm with now.
I can understand how crushed your sense of trust is now. Do you think if she warned you from the beginning you'd be able to take it better? Like expecting it would've prepared you or something? I don't blame you for not wanting to take the risk again -- but perhaps that will change. Maybe she knows a lovely collegue you could interview once the shock wears off a little.
Do you think you might use the rest of your time together talking about what this has done to you, and your sense of trust, and ways that it could be mended in the future?
Sorry you feel so abandoned.
take care, Elaine
Posted by annierose on July 19, 2006, at 17:13:44
In reply to My therapist is pregnant terminating all therapy, posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 10:10:07
You story struck a personal chord with me. First off, it's horrible. I would be full of lots of emotions as well. Anger, betrayal would top the list. Intellectually though, I'd try to understand that promises made before she got pregnant are hard to keep. A mom-to-be can never really know how she is going to feel about motherhood until it's knocking at her door, or even after the baby is in her arms. And she is giving the two of you three months to transition to another therapist. She is trying to make things right. And she still wants to see you for meds upon her return. Try to be generous if you are able. Don't make a decision today. Give yourself time to sort through all of your feelings. I know how overwhelming they can seem.
My story: Seventeen years ago during a routine therapy session, with a T I had been seeing for 4 years or so (I lost count) told me she was pregnant. The way she told me bothered me (that's another story). Like you, I was stunned. I never looked at her body to notice the change. I think she was 5 or 6 months pregnant. I tried to continue the session as if it didn't bother me. She was going to continue practicing after the birth of her baby, but didn't tell me how long she was taking off, etc. The more I continued with the session, the more angry I got. I walked out, quit and never saw her again. That was my mistake. I often wonder what triggered my over-reaction.
Two and half years ago I did call and make an appointment with this therapist. And I am still seeing her today. It is wonderful working with her once again. I called her just to finally say "Goodbye". But now I'm finishing the work I began all those years ago.
Posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 18:55:30
In reply to Re: My therapist is pregnant terminating all therapy » valene, posted by annierose on July 19, 2006, at 17:13:44
Thanks for all of your replies. She knows how badly she handled not telling people; her patients are reacting quite strongly and not in a positive way.
Last week I was so shocked that many words came out of my mouth that I wish I could take back; I felt mean and rotten and that's not my nature. Later she assured me that I was not the worst reaction she had gotten by far.
I am trying to adjust; I don't think I feel up to starting over with a new therapist, but I will leave the option open until we have thoroughly discussed this. I realize that husband and children are to come first in one's life; but somehow I feel deceived and discarded because all the while she was seeing me she had an agenda that would take precedence over everything else and I feel I had a right to know that
before baring my soul to this woman. I will survive and hopefully be stronger for it.
Posted by pegasus on July 20, 2006, at 22:11:54
In reply to Re: My therapist is pregnant terminating all ther, posted by valene on July 19, 2006, at 18:55:30
This is so very painful! I wish I knew something useful to say, but I don't really. All I can say is that this type of premature termination of therapy is so hard, and so many Ts don't seem to get it. Your T will get an earful from her clients in the next couple of months, I'm sure. Which doesn't really help you.
One thing I will say is that you might want to consider having another T at least for the transition. Maybe if you don't try to think of it as replacing your current T, but just someone that you can talk to about how rotten it feels when your T is no longer available for you, it might seem more doable. From my own experience I would say that right when you're being torn away from a T that you are attached to is not a great time to try to find another T. When I went through it, no one I talked to was good enough. I was mad at all of them for not being my T. But it did help to work with someone for a while, until I got to a place where I could reasonable consider starting up another real therapeutic relationship.
Peg
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