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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
I haven't had therapy homework in a while.
I asked my therapist if he had a magic wand, what would he wish that I had learned from therapy that I haven't learned so far.
He thought for a while and answered before turning the question on me. Which surprised me, I have to admit, because he usually makes me answer questions like that first.
I didn't really have an answer for him, and he wants me to think about it for next session. I like the idea of homework, because it helps bridge sesssions. Even if he has forgotten it completely by next time.
Clearly I've thought about it, or I wouldn't have had the question for him. But I couldn't think of an answer on my side. I've learned a lot. I've learned to separate from my family (that was a biggie). I've learned to control my OCD. I've learned (for the most part) why I do the things I do, and that helps me to reduce the number of times I do things I don't want to do.
I know what I *should* answer. I should answer that I want to learn to do the things he does for me myself. I should want to learn to outgrow my need for him. I told him that, and crossed my arms and told him that maybe I should want that, but I don't. And he said that people generally do what they want to do, not what they should do, unless they want to do what they should do.
I don't know what I want to learn.
He said he'd like me to learn that I'm not a bad girl.
I'm not altogether sure I do think I'm a bad girl. I think I'm *afraid* of being a bad girl, which is a different thing altogether. But he knows me so well, so he probably knows that. I should ask what he meant.
He said he'd like me to learn that all of me is acceptable. I'd like to learn that too, but it would be foolish of me not to take in feedback that clearly says that not all of me is acceptable. Just the acceptable parts are. He said I can't change how other people receive me, but I can change how I feel about myself. Is that really in touch with reality?
He said he'd like me to learn that change is ok. I don't like change, even good change. And I don't want change. But I guess it would be nice not to be terrified of change.
But that's still referring to what he said. I don't know what I'd want if I had a magic wand and could have me learn something I haven't learned yet in therapy.
What would other people do with the magic wand? What would you want to learn that you haven't learned yet?
Is that even a question clients can answer? Maybe what we need to learn is stuff we don't even know exists?
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 18, 2006, at 23:30:02
In reply to I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
How to make lemonade out of the lemons life has handed me.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Tabitha on July 19, 2006, at 1:10:36
In reply to I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
If I could wave my magic wand, I'd just give myself self-acceptance. Then therapy would be done. I think all the trouble spots in my life and relationships are just outgrowths of a lack of self-acceptance.
Posted by daisym on July 19, 2006, at 13:19:13
In reply to I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
What would other people do with the magic wand? What would you want to learn that you haven't learned yet?
***No big surprise from me. I want to learn with every part of me that loving someone and needing them isn't a burden to them. And that it won't make them leave. And they won't get mad at me for needing them. I'm not sure I can learn this from/in therapy. But it sure would make it easier.
Posted by curtm on July 19, 2006, at 15:00:07
In reply to Re: I have homework, posted by daisym on July 19, 2006, at 13:19:13
I haven't had any homework yet, but I did ask for some too. I asked T for some self-esteem worksheets. He is going to find something. I am also going to ask him for some homework on FRAMING (of course) :)
Posted by annierose on July 19, 2006, at 15:43:02
In reply to Re: I have homework, posted by daisym on July 19, 2006, at 13:19:13
>>>And they won't get mad at me for needing them
That hit home for me. I think that is part of my anxiety with my vacation and needing my T.
To answer Dinah's question:
1. That it's okay NOT to be part of the group and be comfortable with that
2. Not to feel so defensive
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 16:04:19
In reply to I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
I think I've got it.
I'd like to stop being so short term in my thinking. It seems that whatever gets me through the next hour or whatever needs to be done today is what I do. Even if long term it's not good for me.
On a related note, if the bad obsessions are largely under control most of the time, the "good" ones aren't. I'd like to be able to control my obsessions before I spend more money than I ought.
Posted by Poet on July 19, 2006, at 19:48:03
In reply to I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2006, at 18:48:55
Hi Dinah,
This one is easy to come up with, but impossible to accomplish without that magic wand: self worth and self love from something other than a job.
I'll be four years in therapy next month. Pass that wand over here, please.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2006, at 18:59:09
In reply to Re: I have homework, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 16:04:19
Not a big deal, right? From Friday to Sunday.
So why do I feel like crying? I'd best make a note of what I wanted to talk about so I don't forget.
I've been tearful all week. Diet? Or maybe I'm feeling therapist abandonment by proxy. My son's play therapist, who he officially graduated from a while back, is joining the exodus. He saw her for the last time Tuesday and has been crying off and on ever since, even though he never did see her really regularly.
I guess it reminded me how much they can hurt us, without even meaning to.
I feel so vulnerable. Maybe I ought to make not needing him a therapeutic priority so that he doesn't have a chance to hurt me.
Who thought up this therapy thing anyway?
Posted by Dinah on July 24, 2006, at 2:21:23
In reply to Put off for two days, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2006, at 18:59:09
He was pleased with me. I wish that didn't matter so much, but it does.
He wrote down my wishes as goals, and tried to get it word for word. And then I realized it was good he rarely takes notes, because it was hard getting it word for word.
And I realized again how very well he knows me, and how good it feels to be known and still accepted. That can be so heady and addictive.
Posted by sunnydays on July 24, 2006, at 8:43:57
In reply to He liked my homework :), posted by Dinah on July 24, 2006, at 2:21:23
Posted by fallsfall on July 24, 2006, at 9:43:40
In reply to He liked my homework :), posted by Dinah on July 24, 2006, at 2:21:23
It is wonderful to feel known.
TTTDinahTTT <--- That is your therapist emotionally holding you
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