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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 21:38:27
Has anyone here ever gone to a session with a family member (I'm especially interested about going with a parent)? Was it scary? Were there pros? Cons? How did your T handle it? I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to do a session with my parent. I don't want to post more details than that because I'm a little paranoid, but I was just wondering whether anyone had any thoughts on this.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on July 6, 2006, at 22:29:52
In reply to therapy with a family member?, posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 21:38:27
It can be ok, can be soooooooo ugly.
I'd talk to T bout this.
Posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 22:51:34
In reply to Re: therapy with a family member? » sunnydays, posted by muffled on July 6, 2006, at 22:29:52
Yeah, he's the one who suggested it. We're going to talk about it some more soon. I was just wondering if other people had had experiences with it. I'm a little scared of it, but that fear may very well be irrational.
sunnydays
Posted by Racer on July 7, 2006, at 1:34:03
In reply to Re: therapy with a family member?, posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 22:51:34
My T and I have discussed having my mother come in with me. Maybe one day we'll do it. So far, though, we've talked about it as something that would be A Very Good Thing to do when I feel stronger, when I've made more progress. From that standpoint, it's a sign of how far along in the process you might be, huh?
I guess for me, the questions I'd want to examine before bringing my mother is are all variants of what I want from the experience? And how will I react if/when my mother starts getting upset? Will I be able to separate myself from Mother's distress? Or will I take it on myself? (I do that...)
Once I have those answers, and I'm a little less emotionally raw, I still plan to do it. And maybe my husband, too...
Posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 16:42:23
In reply to therapy with a family member?, posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 21:38:27
Hi Sunnydays: I've done two sessions with my parents, and I've done three family sessions. Holy cr@p, I was very very scared. I never usually talk to my parents (or look them in the eye for that matter) so I felt weird about them hearing me speak "therapy honesty". Plus, my parents are the type of people who "don't believe in therapy", and think "feelings" are a bunch of garbage.
I don't think they would've agreed to come if I hadn't been so sick with my ED. Not to discourage you but my own personal experience did not go well at all. The facilitators actually said to not have them back in anymore - that it was too counterproductive. I think there was way too much hate and anger and pride. (But then, I've never had one since I've been "recovered". The whole process could've been tainted, for my family, by the specific mental illness I had. They always viewed anorexia as some sort of accusation, or personal criticism.) The thing that seemed to make the after-effects even worse was that we all saw eachother crying! (That never happens) ANd I guess the embarrassment of that made them even angrier when it was all over.
During it, my T, and the facilitators, were extra diplomatic, and used even more of their T-like talk. The good thing though is that your T is having the family session to bring some sort of benefit to you. Because my T knew all of my concerns and feelings and history, going into the sessions, I could feel her "keeping an eye out for me" the whole time. She was very on top of not letting stuff get out of hand, and trying to generate honest answers on the part of my family. THe whole time she was verbally encouraging me (you know how you can recognize their little, characteristic prods) to take risks, and give more open answers. She was always de-compressing all the loaded words we all used - trying to not let someone get attacked (even my parents). It was like having a translator. Sometimes just having your T with you, gives you the courage to show emotions you would normally keep hidden from others in your life. She got to see the interactions first-hand. See some of the interpersonal relationships that I had been talking about for months and months.
And afterwards, my T always did a "de-briefing" with me right away. To calm me down, or stop the tears, or allay some guilt, and then to congratulate me on getting through.
It didn't work for me, but I know from the other patients that they thought that the family sessions were so incredibly helpful. They said that afterwards, it was like their mother/father knew more where they were coming from -- that it made it easier for their parents to show tolerance, or compassion, or love more openly. I mean, family sessions aren't miracle-like things, but they seem to be useful for most. (that's why they urged us to have them so often) And even though mine didn't work out as I had planned in my head, my T and I got alot of new information for us to go over, and work with.
I don't know about your family history, or relationships with your parents, but your T would probably have some thoughts about how one could be like for you.
It'll be hard to decide either way.Good luck, ELaine
Posted by sunnydays on July 8, 2006, at 11:42:07
In reply to Re: therapy with a family member?, posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 16:42:23
Thank you for your very long, thoughtful post. I know my T would handle it well, but I'm worried that things that were said might come back to bite me. I'm sorry that your sessions with your parents didn't go well. I have to give it some more thought. Thank you so much for your response. I can't concentrate well enough to write an adequate reply, but thank you. It gave me things to think about.
sunnydays
Posted by Jost on July 8, 2006, at 18:12:30
In reply to Re: therapy with a family member?, posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 16:42:23
As Elaine M said, it depends a *lot* on your parents--whether they can be open, can listen, and whether you're in a place where you can talk in a way that feels comfortable and right.
I've done it, and can't say it really helped, although my Ts thought they learned something. In my case, it was awkward and I can't remember what I did or didn't say. It was more that I wanted my T to see my Mother, and see if that made anything make more sense, because at the time, I was terribly confused about whether it was all my fault and craziness.
I'd be careful, if there's a huge separation between you and your parents, and you haven't gotten to the point of really wanting and believing that you, and they, are ready to respond in a new way-- that's just a guess, though.
Expressing anger, or pain, unless it would lead to that (greater understanding), and could be done in a way that they could hear-- I don't know-- I'd wonder if you'd feel stronger, or more self-accepting if it didn't move in a more positive direction from that.
But maybe even being honest, in the right circumstances, if it would help free you of something-- could be worth it.
It's a hard decision.
Jost
Posted by llrrrpp on July 10, 2006, at 20:30:17
In reply to Re: therapy with a family member?, posted by Jost on July 8, 2006, at 18:12:30
I went to a family session a few times when I was 12 years old or so. My brother was an inpatient. The only thing I remember was the T asking my parents how they would feel if my brother killed himself. And my dad was sobbing. I had never even saw my dad shed a tear in my whole life. That was the first time. It also probably helped convince my parents to get marriage counselling. All in all, I think it probably helped my family. I don't remember a whole lot more, sorry.
-ll
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