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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
I am attached to my therapist. Is this a good thing? I wonder if he thinks it is a good thing? I try to gloss it over as if I am not but I care about him and I truly believe that he cares about me too. Nothing innappropriate, just healing. I hope he is mad that I feel attached to him, can anyone relate?
rach
Posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 22:03:46
In reply to therapist attachement, posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
I assume you meant *isn't mad*. :) I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not. I guess it's a good thing in that it's better than not being satisfied with the care he's giving you. But I'm not sure attachment is anything that can be *good* or *bad*. I do that exact same thing, too, trying to seem as though I'm not as attached as I really am. But when he went on vacation, I think I said some things that he probably knows I'm attached now (he'd have to be pretty dense not to). I'm beginning to trust that my therapist cares about me, too, although it's awfully hard for me, and even a canceled session can disrupt that trust for weeks. I get very worried that my T is going to get mad at me for being too attached, or see me as too needy and decide he doesn't want to see me anymore.
Soooooo, I guess that's the long way of saying "yes, I relate". I hope there's something valuable in that mess of thoughts above.
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on July 6, 2006, at 22:28:48
In reply to therapist attachement, posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
Ya. Don't wanto get attached to nobody cuz it just hurts is all.
Muffled
Posted by Daisym on July 7, 2006, at 2:10:48
In reply to therapist attachement, posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
Every therapist is different but I think most believe that it is a good thing for a client to feel some attachment. It helps during the really hard times because it would be so easy to quit otherwise.
Trusting someone with your inner most thoughts takes courage and it is understandable that you would get attached to such a trusted figure. More, it is the hope that the attachment brings...can this person help me? Can I feel safe again? If I feel love, or gratitude or need, isn't it nice that I'm allowed these things?
Learning to allow yourself to care in such a safe place may make it possible for you to stretch out and let yourself do it with others, in other places.
This is my long winded way of saying, "yes" I think it is a good thing. But you know what? What I think doesn't really matter. THIS is something to talk about during therapy. THIS (attachment) is a core issue for so many of us, so try to push yourself to bring it up. You might find the answers you are looking for. I did...
love and hugs
Daisy
Posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 11:37:41
In reply to therapist attachement, posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
Hi Rubenstein,
My T constantly says she cares about me and that it's okay for me to need her. If your T thinks like mine does he'd say it's okay for you to feel some attachment.
Poet
Posted by rainbutterfly on July 7, 2006, at 19:50:01
In reply to Re: therapist attachement » rubenstein, posted by muffled on July 6, 2006, at 22:28:48
Muffled - you got it :o(
Posted by Jost on July 7, 2006, at 19:56:07
In reply to Re: therapist attachement » rubenstein, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 11:37:41
It's hard for me to imagine not be somewhat attached to a T.
Most T's, unless they're very dedicated to maybe behavior T, or maybe some variants of CB Therapy, would probably find some attachment to be a core feature of making the T work.
Some would call it the "therapeutic alliance"- but in essence, it's a type of collaboration that has warm or trusting feelings. Which for me would involve some attachment.
It depends on what you mean--but what you seem to be saying, sounds like a good, very frequent, or even necessary thing, and not something your T would in any way not want.
It's scary and even unsettling (esp. at times)-- but basically a very good thing.
Jost
Posted by rubenstein on July 8, 2006, at 11:03:11
In reply to Re: therapist attachement, posted by Jost on July 7, 2006, at 19:56:07
Thanks everyone for posting, it has given me a lot to think about. I think, though, that I believe with Jost and others that the therapist attachement is a good thing, at least for me. I know in other cases it can be bad but I think if it works right it can be a very good thing.
I hope
Rachel
Posted by ElaineM on July 9, 2006, at 10:45:54
In reply to therapist attachement, posted by rubenstein on July 6, 2006, at 21:39:00
Hi Rubenstein: I think attachment is good - which is seperate from thinking that it can also be risky. There is always potential for hurt. An unhealthy relationship can be dangerous. But even a wonderful one can cause pain - like when it has to end. It took me a long time to see a T, and learn to speak from the heart, and learn how to feel for, instead of fear, someone else. And I came to have a very strong attachment for her. And even though it hurt like h*ll when I had to leave her, I'm glad that it happened. Being able to care for another person made me feel like I was alive. And I think she was encouraged by my growing ability to form attachments - I was.
I know exactly what you mean though about feeling afraid of seeming too needy or demanding. For me, I'd guess it's because all the other few times I've let it be known that I need, or care about, or love someone, I've either been ignored, or reacted to violently. But it sounds like you have a good thing with your T. I think it is worth the risk of sharing that with your T. But that's just me. And it's easier said than done, right?
Good luck, EL
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