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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
I have something I need to say to you and it is really hard for me because it isn't want I really want or how I feel but I feel I need to set some of my own boundries in our relationship in order to protect myself.
I really like you, and enjoy your company but our relationship is getting too friendship like and it is causing me to be confused and conflicted. If we were allowed to be more than just T and client, then it would feel great on the progression of our relationship. We do enjoy each other and we do have personal chemistry between us.
But it can't be according to your boundries, so I ask you to please keep yourself out of the room and don't tell me personal stuff about yourself that makes me want more in the relationship that I can't have outside of therapy. I don't want the hurt I am feeling to ruin the good work we have done together, and I don't want to leave therapy with bad feelings about you. Thank you.
Posted by LadyBug on May 3, 2006, at 11:22:53
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Happyflower,I hope you share this with him when you see him next. My T. and I crossed over into more of a friendship years ago. We both soon realized it and decided to draw some boundaries to protect our work that we were doing. We both felt the friendship kicking in. Although it was taking place in her office. We learned from it. We didn't make the same mistake twice. If seeing your T at the gym is bothersome, which I suppose it is, then I'd probably seek out a different gym to go to or else go at a different time. I know you shouldn't have to accomidate him in your personal life since it isn't a part of your work as therapist/patient. It's too confusing to have two different relationships going on in the theraputic room. I guess that's why there's boundaries set forth for our own protection. It is up to our T's to make sure those boundaries are followed. Unfortunatly some therapists like to be flattered and take it too far. We are not there to fullfill their needs. The work is about "US", meaning you. I'm sure your T will understand. It is hard to come back to strictly a therapist/patient relationship but it CAN be done. I think you and your T can do it!!!
I know how it feels to have the wish be there, but not be able to have that wish of an outside relationship.
Sorry this is so long winded, I don't know what came over me?
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by B2chica on May 3, 2006, at 11:26:48
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Posted by Poet on May 3, 2006, at 11:28:42
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Posted by madeline on May 3, 2006, at 12:08:34
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Posted by one woman cine on May 3, 2006, at 12:52:20
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Your letter is pretty awesome, and especially brave. I think its good to outline what's best for you & ask for you what for what you need (which is not necessarily what you want?) - I hope he "gets" it & you start to feel better in therapy, while still retaining the good things that have happened. My fingers are crossed....
Posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 14:22:07
In reply to Re: Dear T, » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on May 3, 2006, at 11:22:53
Thanks for your support everyone, you are all awesome! ;-)
I was just putting my thoughts into words so I will know what I want to say. I can tell him directly, I feel comfortable to be to just tell him.
It isn't what I WANT and it is going to suck being excluded from his life, but it is what I NEED, if we cannot have any kind of social relationship outside of therapy.
Wish me luck tommorrow, it is going to be tough. I will let you know how it goes.
Posted by milly on May 3, 2006, at 14:24:06
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 14:22:07
Posted by muffled on May 3, 2006, at 14:25:17
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 17:43:59
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Posted by gardenergirl on May 3, 2006, at 23:26:06
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 14:22:07
Good for you. That's a courageous step you're taking, and it seems like you've put a great deal of thought and heart into your words. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Let us know how it goes, of course.
You rock!
gg
Posted by madeline on May 4, 2006, at 6:06:15
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
Good luck, be strong and brave.
All my love will be with you
Maddie.
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2006, at 8:30:33
In reply to I'll be thinking of you today Happyflower., posted by madeline on May 4, 2006, at 6:06:15
I know how hard it is to do to draw boundaries with a beloved therapist, but I think it's both wise and courageous.
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2006, at 8:31:03
In reply to Dear T,, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2006, at 11:02:53
This is the end of the thread.
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