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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 6:16:25
I just can't believe eleven years will end this way. It's like losing Daddy or Harry again, only worse because it isn't death and beyond anyone's control. It's worse than when my best friend died.
Posted by canadagirl on April 30, 2006, at 6:36:18
In reply to I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 6:16:25
I'm so sorry you feel sad. You will have to go through the mourning process for this like any other loss. It is a "big" loss!! And you deserve and need time to get through it. Thinking of you.
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 7:11:34
In reply to Re: I'm so sad » Dinah, posted by canadagirl on April 30, 2006, at 6:36:18
Thank you. That's very true, but it's hard to hold onto.
I sat by Daddy's bed when he was dying. I held Harry and he stopped crying. But this is different somehow. I feel abandoned, even though I'm technically the one abandoning. There's no resolution. It's been twentyfive years since Bunty died and I still haven't come to terms with it. It's more like that.
I'm not so good at tolerating pain. I'm drowning it in Risperdal right now. I guess if I do it long enough I'll just forget. I'm good at forgetting.
But right now it feels like all it doesn't hurt to do is exhale.
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 7:22:11
In reply to Re: I'm so sad » canadagirl, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 7:11:34
I'll be leaving not only my real mom, but the man that for five years was the mom I always wanted but never had.
Posted by annierose on April 30, 2006, at 8:13:32
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 7:22:11
I'm confused. Are you sure you are moving? Or are you just thinking/worrying ahead?
Of course you will be sad if you move. This is a huge loss. Hopefully you will have time to talk about it with him.
And as painful as it will be to move, there is always hope. Hope that you will find another T that will help you process the death of your pets, the relationship with your T and grieve the loss of a mom that you never had, but always longed for. Be open to that possibility of finding the next perfect T for you --- he/she is out there. For every babbler that changed Ts (due to various circumstances) most found that T they needed to move forward.
If you are moving, when do you think this will happen? I am thinking and worrying about you. You matter to me and I hope you gather up all your reserves to get you through this.
Posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 8:39:29
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by annierose on April 30, 2006, at 8:13:32
At the moment, I'd say there's about a ninety percent chance of moving. It would increase my husband's job security to near certainty, and be a very good career move for him. I could all but quit working. There'd be no way I could afford therapy, of course.
But we love this place, I found the neighborhood I would looove to live in, and there are several houses I wouldn't mind moving to.
When I'm awake and on Risperdal I'm pretty happy and excited and know that I won't need therapy. When I first wake up and my Risperdal hasn't kicked in, I'm bereft at leaving my therapist/mommy.
Thanks for caring, Annierose. If I can get over my therapist, and we manage to buy one of the houses I'm excited about, I think overall I'll be ok. But I'll always love and miss my therapist mom.
You can expect me to sound like two completely different people at different times on this subject. I'm not conflicted so much as I am at internal war.
Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2006, at 9:20:55
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 8:39:29
It's not that you can't decide which you want. It is that you want (and don't want) both options.
Give yourselves enough time to consider this choice. How do your hubby and son feel about it?
I hope for peace for you in the future.
Posted by LadyBug on April 30, 2006, at 10:28:29
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2006, at 9:20:55
Dinah,
I know part of how you feel. I'm thinking you are as attached to your T as I am to mine. Thoughts of you moving away make me sad for you. On the other hand, a new job, a new home, a new neighborhood, it all sounds so positive. I'd be torn in half. I wish you could take all the good things you have and need in your life when you move. Leave all the sad and hard stuff behind. I'm glad you have meds to help ease the pain inside. I've been there too and don't know how I would have gotten through without the help.
Dinah, you're in my heart today. I don't want you to lose your therapist/mom, but I want you to progress in your life. Progression means change. I'm wishing you the very best life can give you right now. As with any relationship that comes to an end, it is a process. You are in the morning stage of what if. We are here for you, night and day. That's more than any of us can say for our T's. They are only there if we pay them to be. And that's never enough. You're a trooper and much stronger than you realize. You can hang on to the relationships in your life that are solid. You will make it, not without pain, but you will come out a stronger and better person. But what a price to pay. I'm sorry you're hurting.
Hugs to you at this time. Please keep writing and letting your feelings out.
LadyBug
Posted by gardenergirl on April 30, 2006, at 13:00:05
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 8:39:29
>> But we love this place, I found the neighborhood I would looove to live in, and there are several houses I wouldn't mind moving to.
I'm glad you found someplace you like. That's important, and I hope it will be a sort of buffer against your painful feelings.
>
>
> You can expect me to sound like two completely different people at different times on this subject. I'm not conflicted so much as I am at internal war.That sounds healthy to me, although it might be unsettling to experience. But I would presume both feelings are strongly there, and it's good that you can experience both.
I'm sad for you loss of your T. I know it must be really hard. I'm thinking of you.
gg
Posted by rubenstein on April 30, 2006, at 14:11:43
In reply to I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 6:16:25
> I am so sorry Dinah, you are in my thoughts
rachelI just can't believe eleven years will end this way. It's like losing Daddy or Harry again, only worse because it isn't death and beyond anyone's control. It's worse than when my best friend died.
Posted by happyflower on April 30, 2006, at 21:10:21
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by LadyBug on April 30, 2006, at 10:28:29
Don't know what to say, but (((((((Dinah))))
Posted by annierose on April 30, 2006, at 22:28:53
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 8:39:29
You wouldn't be human if you weren't conflicted re: moving. Even under the BEST of circumstances, moving is stressful and full of conflict. Afterall, moving = change. change = hard. End of math lesson.
It's good that you can tally some positive outcomes if you do move. Maybe we can help with a list.
1. New house in a neighborhood that you like.
2. Job security for your husband.
3. You do not have to work.
4. More time to spend doing Dinah's stuff
5. More time to eat ice cream.
6. You won't have to evacuate for another hurricane (or I hope).
7. Your on-line friends will always be just where you left them.
(to be continued .... any other ideas out there?)
Posted by Daisym on May 1, 2006, at 1:51:55
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by annierose on April 30, 2006, at 22:28:53
I'm crying for you tonight, too much loss in too short a time. You deserve a break.
I think what you said above though bears some reflection. You said that you had essentially created for yourself your therapist/mommy and superimposed this image on your therapist. Which means mostly that what you need you can find again because you help create it. And it feels like you've done nothing the past year except try to get back something that you just can't...so it has kept you unhappy. Mourning and moving on might be the best, though very sad, option.
(((Dinah))) --I wish I lived closer. I'd help you pick out stuff for the new house.
lv and hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on May 1, 2006, at 9:33:21
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Daisym on May 1, 2006, at 1:51:55
Well, my husband hates the house I fell in love with, and he did have some points. I tend to fall in love impractically. But the other houses seem so bland in comparison. This one is so light and airy, and I've picked out my study with lots of windows and privacy with the backyard of trees that my husband hates with ever fiber of his being.
We're trying to work out a compromise, but what I really want to do now is go home.
Because of the house? I doubt it. Probably more because I really don't want to give up yet, no matter how stupid my brain says that is. I keep hoping things will go back to what they were. That he'll be able to emotionally hold me again. That he'll be my therapist/mommy. That I can suckle at that nourishing breast and go about my life content knowing that he's there.
I tend to be rather persevering in my relationships.
Sigh.
Dinah
Posted by Poet on May 1, 2006, at 11:24:28
In reply to Re: I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on May 1, 2006, at 9:33:21
Hi Dinah,
<< Probably more because I really don't want to give up yet, no matter how stupid my brain says that is. I keep hoping things will go back to what they were.
I'm very preservering, too. My mind set says never give up, even when I end up hurting for it. Why can't everything just be like it was (fill in time period.) Beat head against wall.
You're understandably conflicted- you know that the move is a positive one for your husband's career, and you found a house you like, but staying where you are reminds you of how safe you felt with your therapist. Granted I always see the glass as empty with a crack in it, but I wish I could see you staying where you are and having that relationship back, but from what you've posted, I don't think it will happen. I think part of what's really hurting you is that you know it, too.
You found a house you like, that's a positive step forward. You picked out a room for your study- your special space. Does your husband like anything about the house? It's location? The schools? I would love a backyard full of trees. Is your husband worried about upkeep? Maybe you can get him a hammock to relax in? I understand you liking your special place. I fell in love with my house because of one room in it. Which my husband took over. Sigh.
Take care. Many safe cyber hugs.
Poet
Posted by orchid on May 1, 2006, at 14:41:12
In reply to I'm so sad, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2006, at 6:16:25
Don't really know what to say - except that I know how hard it must be for you.
It must be extremely painful, to loose someone after 11 years not to mention the fact that you have recently lost so many other things and people also.
I wish life had been a little easier for you. Usually I try to sound positive for someone going through hardships in life, but this time, it beats me. It really must be extremely painful for you, and I can only say I understand the pain this time. I hope God takes care of you in the days to come.
This is the end of the thread.
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