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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DisposableDoll on April 27, 2006, at 23:33:25
Okay, I was just trying to get someone else's opinion on this. *Sighs* So, while I was in a mental health facility recently, I did NOT appreciate the wording that one of my counselors used. It was NOT my usual therapist. My T is VERY delicate in his wording. To the point that I think perhaps he is shy about using harsh wording. In fact, I wouldn't mind if he did use more explicit wording, but what this other counselor said bothered me. I was talking about having problems with my mother and how she had been calling me a rip, a slut, a whore, etc. and her saying my ex boyfriend left me because of this even though I NEVER cheated on him. And saying I was nothing besides a whore and no one would ever want me because of this. True, part of this was said during very emotional moments between us and it was my fault that we had the fight in the first place, but it still really bothered me even though I understood why she said it. However, she shouldn't have used those words, but I understand. Also, she shouldn't have thrown my last romantic relationship up in my face because I have hurt a lot over the loss of that and I am still hurting about losing him as my boyfriend. I thought at one point I was going to have a breakdown. I didn't want to live in a way. So, she knew how I felt about him and shouldn't have thrown that up. Anyways, again I understand and forgive her and she has forgiven me for things that resulted in one of these incidences, but the thing is it was hurting me at the time and I was talking about it. At another point in the same conversation, after shifting topics, I was discussing how I'd been partying since my breakup and trying to stay out and stay drunk, etc. to keep my mind off of things (doesn't work that well) and dropped out of college again, but hey what else is new? Anyways, he said in a bit different wording, "and I bet you've slept with more men in the past few months than in your whole life (prior to that)?" I admited that yes, I had, but just so everyone here knows, my mother does NOT know that AND I never cheated on my ex-boyfriend AND when my mother really went off on me and was accusing me of things and really giving me verbal hell, I had honestly not done anything of the sort the night she insisted I had. I think I had told the counselor all or most of that already in the session, too, but when I said "Yes" to his question, he asked, "well, isn't that kind of like 'whoring around'?" I know perhaps he was just trying to get me to see mom's point of view and I do see it in a way, but she had been accusing me of being out all night sleeping around and I really hadn't even flashed anyone any skin that night let alone went to bed with them and I didn't appreciate the words that she used and the things she said really upset me and I didn't like him using that word either. Then later he said something to me that I will not repeat on here, but let's just say he basically suggested that perhaps I didn't love my ex-boyfriend and that every act of love I had done for him was all just because I wanted to f**k him so bad which is BS. I never even said anything to make him think that. The only thing I said to make him think it at all was to say that AFTER our breakup I turned to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. as an escape and was currently promiscuous (which by the way, does NOT make me happy- I'm not even enjoying it and I hate myself). That was the only thing I said that could have made him think my last relationship was purely sexual, too, but to me that isn't nearly enough info. to cause someone to draw such a conclusion, especially when I kept talking about how much I loved my ex-bf and was hurting over the breakup. I know that shrinks have to try to get us to look at things in different ways and sometimes ways we don't want to look at them and they have to make us see things we don't want to see, but I wish I could just tell you what it was he said to me. It was really offensive to me and insulting to what I had and have with my ex-boyfriend and insulting to my character and I do not believe it was accurate at all. I was insulted and thought his choice of wording that he was using to try to get me to ask myself if it was about sex instead of love was insulting, offensive, and just AGH! I can't explain it. It was just......*sighs* I felt like he was just stamping my forhead with a big SLUT stamp. It was as though he had decided, due to current promiscuity, that I was a complete slut, incapable of love, and that my whole last relationship- that means as much to me as any relationship I've ever had, with a person that means as much to me as anyone ever has and that I love so much in so many ways- is just about sex. I felt like he thought I was nothing besides a whore. I really did. He really upset me, but I was trying to be understanding of his situation. I word things badly sometimes myself. And maybe he was just tyring to get me to look at things from all angles. So, I didn't report him. I did tell my T, but said I didn't want to report it. What do you think?
Posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 1:14:43
In reply to Counselors Need To Use Delicate Wording, posted by DisposableDoll on April 27, 2006, at 23:33:25
What do I think? I think lots of things, but from what I read of your post -- I'm old, it's hard for me to read things without paragraphs ;-) -- I think you sound very upset, and that it is NEVER OK for a T to say that a client is "whoring around" that way.
And I don't think it's about trying to get you to see another perspective.
Personally, I think that's a guy with a problem of his own that he's bringing into his time with you. A lot of men are frightened at women's sexuality, which might be part of it; a lot of people still believe that sex is only OK within a marriage, which could have something to do with it; and a lot of other people are just a bit prudish. My guess is that he's somewhere in that range.
Another possibility, though, would be if you had a dx of Borderline Personality Disorder, in which case he may have been trying to shake you into insight. If so, I still think it was wrong. There are better ways to get some of those ideas across.
And, of course, it's always possible that he's just not very good at his job, you know?
(And I won't comment on your mother's treatment of you. Maybe I'm just weird, but I do believe in fighting fair. Period. Especially with people we love.)
Posted by B2chica on April 28, 2006, at 9:30:20
In reply to Re: Counselors Need To Use Delicate Wording, posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 1:14:43
i agree with racer about your "counselor"...nicely put.
sorry he hurt you...people really need to watch their words... Especially therapists.
b2c.
Posted by starloree on April 29, 2006, at 10:30:58
In reply to Re: Counselors Need To Use Delicate Wording, posted by Racer on April 28, 2006, at 1:14:43
this seems a bit rude, i know, and i am sorry to the author of this original post, but it seems to me that i had a post simliar to this one, about something my T said, and i got a much different response from you all, or at least one person in particular. i didn't feel any support, although with this situation here, you all rallied support! i am a little confused, and to tell you the truth i was going to stop posting here BECAUSE of the responses i got from my last post, but when i saw this one here today, i got a little upset, because this is somewhat the same situation as mine, and yet you guys made me feel horrible, just because i got upset! and what's sad is, my T is the only person i actually TALK to during my whole week, and then the only communication i had with anyone (besides my sister whom i don't talk to about REAL personal things)else would be on this board! and this board did seem like a supportive place,but my last post received, criticism, it seems, over the fact that i got upset at something! thank you all VERY much, you have been SO helpful.
starloree
Posted by bassman on April 29, 2006, at 10:46:27
In reply to just wondering, posted by starloree on April 29, 2006, at 10:30:58
One of the shortcomings of any board of this type is that it is not a defined, set of people. I've posted things and no one has commented; I've posted things and I've been overwhelmed with the advice and support I received. You just never know. I also understand sensitivity to posts: even the first time Dr. Bob redirected me, I felt a little slighted, like the issue should be "buried" somewhere else. Now I just call it the Redirection Police. :>}
I'm not sure challenging people is the best way to solicit support on this board, as justified as it might seem to you. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding, or other people that would have been supportive to you were busy and didn't post. Please don't blame them or yourself.
I hope the response to your posts is more helpful to you in the future. Take care.
bassman
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 2, 2006, at 0:54:00
In reply to Re: just wondering, posted by bassman on April 29, 2006, at 10:46:27
This is the end of the thread.
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