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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
I have been not employed for approx a year, firstly off sick and then resigned.
I thought I wouldn't ever work again and to be honest I love my freedom at the moment, doing my sculpture class and walking the dogs etc but I have just seen a job advertised working in a residential unit for 5-10yr olds who have suffered early abuse as a theraputic care worker (I'm trained as a nurse)
I really don't know if I'm ready to work again but also I have to submit my reference from my last job which is horrible partly because of some of what I did whilst I was 'unwell' (but I didn't realise I was as ill as I was) but mainly because when I had recovered enough to know what had triggered my illness I brought the social services and police in to investigate the child porn & abuse that was being covered up.
Everyone I've asked for advice seems to think it is all a bit close to what I have just been through, but I keep wondering if I had to go through all that happened in the last year to be useful at it.
This job asks for a degree of self-awareness and the best person to know that about me is my T
Do you think it would be permissable to ask him if he would be a referee?milly
Posted by Dinah on April 15, 2006, at 17:02:58
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
I must admit to being totally ignorant of corporate culture. Would one's therapist be considered a good reference from the employer's end?
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on April 15, 2006, at 23:44:27
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
I don't think that your T would feel comfortable giving you a ref (no matter how he feels abt you). It crosses a boundary. Someone who writes a ref is by definition judging you. A T shouldn't be doing that. And a relationship w/ a T is very dif from a relationship w/ a boss.
However, I do think that you should talk abt this job possibility w/ your T. I must admit that I'm concerned that this job would be very, very intense for you (or anyone). It is a complex situation and I suspect that you and your T could have a helpful discussion about it.
Best,
EE
Posted by muffled on April 16, 2006, at 10:24:56
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
Oh Milly, I think you would be great at the job.
But so soon?
I dunno your history.
But have you dealt with all so quickly?
Its possible.
Everyone is different.
Yeah, proly best to discuss w/T cuz he/she would proly know. Or have some idea anyway.
I dunno.
But I know you nice Milly.
Take care.
Thank you
Muffled
Posted by pseudoname on April 16, 2006, at 11:00:47
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
All therapists get requests for references and so on. I asked one of mine for such a letter and he seemed happy to write it. The last clinic I went to posted an ironclad policy against it – for very sensible boundary reasons, as Emily Elizabeth says.
At any rate, there's no problem asking. If he doesn't want to, he won't. I guarantee he's dealt with the issue many times before.
Posted by shrinking violet on April 17, 2006, at 18:29:52
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
Hm, personally I wouldnt feel comfortable having my T as a reference just for the fact that usually the employer wants to know *how* a reference knows you, and I wouldnt be comfortable with a potential employer knowing something so personal about me (that I'm in therapy).
But, regardless, I do think that you should discuss the job possibility with your T. He/she may be able to provide some insight and unbiased opinion as to whether you are ready for such an undertaking. And, perhaps while you're on the subject, if you still feel you want to ask, you could segway into the reference topic.
Good luck
sv
Posted by milly on April 18, 2006, at 15:47:00
In reply to Can I ask my T for a reference?, posted by milly on April 15, 2006, at 16:36:41
I have pondered and pondered the job but although it is something I would ultimately like to do (working for a charity working with abused/ neglected children) I am not emotionally strong enough yet.
I would dearly like to discuss it with my T (as wisely suggested by your posts) but sadly therapy has ended with him, however I might write to him to tell him that I nearly asked him for a reference! I think it might have been appropriate if he had said yes because the job was going to require me to be in therapy anyway as support for the situations faced, they only want people who have some 'self awareness' and an understanding of therapy issues such as attatchment & boundarys.But I'm not going to apply so it doesn't matter now
milly
Posted by muffled on April 18, 2006, at 20:49:31
In reply to I've made a decision, posted by milly on April 18, 2006, at 15:47:00
That must be dissapointing to you, i'm sorry.
You certainly had good intentions.
What will it take to get you to where you could do this work?
Take care,
muffled
This is the end of the thread.
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