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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Veracity on April 13, 2006, at 13:31:22
Sometimes I say things in situations, either one-on-one with people or when talking to groups and I come across as sounding really, really stupid. Like, I can't ge the words out right or my voice shakes. And people look at me like, "You okay, or what?"
Ugh.
I do that with my therapist sometimes and it's quite frustrating, although she's always patient and nice. But the thing is, afterwards, I can't let it go or forget about it. It plays over and over and over. And in a way, it's a Catch 22 because talking about feeling that way requires that I talk and talking leads to my feeling this way.
I know this is something I need to work on in therapy... but I was just wondering if any of you have trouble with this and how you handle it? The fact that I am really nervous and out-of-sorts when talking with people is not me distorting my experience, it is what it is. I really am flustered and nervous and my voice shakes.
It's just the feeling of embarrassment and regret that I can't shake. And it's so disconcerting that I feel this way about therapy, which is a relationship that I really do like.
Ugh. I feel like just bawling.
Posted by orchid on April 13, 2006, at 14:52:13
In reply to How Do You Deal With Feeling Stupid?, posted by Veracity on April 13, 2006, at 13:31:22
I have sometimes felt uncomfortable and my voice shaky when I speak to large groups like meetings. But it doesn't get very bad. Usually I am able to calm myself and go on without any trouble.
There are some things I can think of (and which I have read here and there) which might help. I don't know if these are authorised methods, but maybe you can try.
1. If the group or the person you are speaking to is more personal and not official, maybe you can start off by saying that you tend to get a little nervous. Saying it usually lessens the impact. Maybe you should practice it with your therapist and your close friends or family first.
2. Also, talking in front of a mirror might help too. You can perhaps try to talk in front of a mirror by yourself before speaking in an official group or meeting.
3. Thinking about what you want to talk ahead of time might make the nervousness go away. Rehearse in your mind what you are going to speak, and it might make it less nervous. When I inititally had to speak in English long while ago (even to friends), I would rehearse what I am going to talk many times before to myself. That way, the nervousness went away.
4. Talk more. The only way to counteract any phobia is to face it again and again and making the outcome better each time. So start talking, blabbering even, to friends, colleagues, or whoever. IT doesn't have to be long speech, but start by small talks and chit chats every chance you get.
5. Even writing here in babble might help to overcome the shyness. You can start by writing more, in the protection of anonymity, and it might help you.
Take Care
Orchid
Posted by orchid on April 13, 2006, at 14:54:08
In reply to Re: How Do You Deal With Feeling Stupid? » Veracity, posted by orchid on April 13, 2006, at 14:52:13
Posted by Veracity on April 14, 2006, at 9:00:22
In reply to Hmmm.. I guess my answer went a little off track (nm) » orchid, posted by orchid on April 13, 2006, at 14:54:08
It's okay. You have good suggestions for dealing with the foundation of my problem. I appreciate that.
This is the end of the thread.
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