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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dia on March 25, 2006, at 19:54:01
Last summer I went to study abroad and then in the fall returned to my regular college. Before I left for the summer I met with my T and it was a very emotional session because I wouldn't be seeing him for a very long time, and we had been on a schedule of weekly and/or every other week appointments.
I was upset at that last appointment and he could tell. He offered me a hug and we hugged for a really long time and then I felt so much better. Because my college is sort of far away I don't see him hardly at all now. The problem is that he deals with kids and adolescents and I'm getting too old now to see him.
He's been in the middle of a messy divorce and when I have checked in with him by phone or have had the chance to schedule an appointment with him, I can tell he is stressed and he is not acting like himself. He had told me we could still see each other some during the summer but now is going back on his word and wants me to find a new T right away because I'm too old to be seen by him anymore.
Finally it was agreed that we would meet at least once during the summer to discuss the situation. I am so scared we will end things on a bad note. I have a serious boyfriend but have always kind of had a crush on this T. So I keep wishing that when I do see him for the last time he will give me another hug. But with his changed attitude I know I'm probably setting myself up for a huge disappointment.
If he acts nicer and knows I'm upset about ending everything would it be stupid to ask for a hug or should I wait and see if he offers one? I just crave some sort of physical comfort from him. I also don't know how to move on from him and it's so painful to even think about.
Has anyone ever had to face a termination after several years of a close relationship with a T? How did you deal with it?
*Dia*
Posted by Veracity on March 27, 2006, at 8:42:29
In reply to hugs, termination, and how to deal, posted by dia on March 25, 2006, at 19:54:01
Hi dia, I just ended therapy with my therapist of 4 years and I don't think it ended on a good note at all. I wrote her a letter saying some things I didn't get to say in our last session but I still feel really lost. It all was so sudden. It's like everything feels undone.
I didn't have a crush on her but I realize now that she played such an enormous role in my life. I miss her so, so much so I can imagine what you must be going through! I'm not dealing with it very well. I can't eat - I've lost about 11 pounds since last week. I try to focus on work or read a book and I just end up staring off in to space. It's quite disconcerting.
I think I'm going to find a new therapist at some point and try to work through these feelings. Maybe you could do that too? It won't fix everything, I'm sure, but I've sort-of discovered that a relationship with a therapist is like a relationship with any other person in this world... at some point, it ends.
Posted by pegasus on March 27, 2006, at 10:52:26
In reply to hugs, termination, and how to deal, posted by dia on March 25, 2006, at 19:54:01
I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. It's tough to end with a long time therapist for sure. And your situation sounds especially hard, as you didn't expect to have to end like this.
In my opinion, it would not be wrong to ask for a hug. Ending therapy is a very big deal, and it's appropriate to get any sense of support and warmth in it, if you can.
peg
Posted by fairywings on March 27, 2006, at 20:17:38
In reply to hugs, termination, and how to deal, posted by dia on March 25, 2006, at 19:54:01
Have you asked him to explain to you "why" you're too old to see him? Does he see any other adults, or are you the only one over a particular age?
Maybe ask him if this is a bad time for him, but that you really think he's been helpful, and you hate to have to start all over again with someone new. On the other hand, I also found that finding a new therapist was a good thing, very hard to make the break, hard to think someone else can make a difference, but maybe worth a try while you're still planning on seeing your current T?
I understand the hug thing - I'd want one too, but I'd wait for him to offer. Sorry he's going through a hard time, and sorry this is so painful for you. I can certainly understand.
(((dia)))
fw
Posted by dia on March 30, 2006, at 22:44:10
In reply to Re: hugs, termination, and how to deal » dia, posted by fairywings on March 27, 2006, at 20:17:38
Thanks for the responses Veracity, Pegasus and Fairy Wings. Veracity I'm sorry your having a hard time after ending things with your T. I tried to see another T while I was away from home, but he was a jerk and I only saw him about 3 times total, then gave up looking for someone else. I'm not supposed to see my T of several years anymore because I'm past the legal age limit, I am considered adult now.
The problem is that I feel like I am OBSESSED with my T. I really have no idea how to get over him. I hate my situation. (How I have to eventually stop seeing him for good.) I am going CRAZY!!!!!!!
How do I stop obsessing???
*Dia*
Posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 12:46:45
In reply to Re: hugs, termination, and how to deal, posted by dia on March 30, 2006, at 22:44:10
Maybe you could try to find someone you like but could stay with - a T who understands what you're going through right now and is willing to help you work through it.
It's not easy to leave a T you like so much, but since you can't stay with him I guess your options are limited to finding someones else you like who can help you through this, or hope that with time your feelings will diminish.
I wish you luck, I know this is very difficult.
fw
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:54:20
In reply to Re: hugs, termination, and how to deal » dia, posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 12:46:45
I think fairywings is right you probably need a T to get over a T!
((((((dia))))))))
It's tough having to deal with these feelings
milly
This is the end of the thread.
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