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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on March 23, 2006, at 22:36:05
The last 3 ro 4 visits with my T have been really good. We are doing some really good work together, talking about so many different things. Working off of each other she explained to me tonight. Last week I took in a really nice, soft, big, and warm fleece blanket that I have. I've wanted to take it in for a long time but finally got up the courage to do it. She placed it on her lap as we were talking and at the end of our hour I told her I wanted her to "hug" the blanket so that when I took it back it would feel like she gave me a hug and I could take it home with me and use it whenever I wanted to feel our connection. It was the neatest thing and it felt so good to me.
Tonight our visit felt so wonderful and we talked on such a good level. I'm really trying to understand why I don't love myself and how I can learn to love myself. I have some severe abandonment issues and everytime she leaves town for any length of time, it triggers my childhood injury. She left in Feb. to go somewhere for about 10 days. That was REALLY hard as I was going through some really tough stuff in my life at the time. Then about 2 weeks ago she left for 4 days, which was a bit confusing to me cuz we had to change "our time" together. I don't like change. I got angry and told her I didn't want to come in for 3 or 4 weeks. My way of telling her I'm hurting and I want to stay safe from being hurt. Tonight just as the hour was about to end, she said "oh, did I tell you......" My thought was oh no do I have to go through this again???? It hurts so much and we just got through this spot 2 weeks ago. She always tells me this at the END of the hour so we couldn't talk about how it triggers my fear of her leaving me. I started driving home and thought I'm going to call her (to leave a voice mail) and tell her it felt like she just kicked me in the heart. Too bad, see ya next week!!!!!
I came home feeling soooooo bad after a wonderful visit. I crawled in bed without eating dinner. My girls got so mad at me and told me they could tell I had been to see my T.
Now I fight being angry at her knowing it's not that she's leaving and I'll need her. It's that she's leaving me and didn't give me time to process it with her so I feel HURT!!!! I hate this issue. I told her, I'm trying to work on loving myself, how can I when no one else loves me and no one loved me as a little girl.
What next????????? This is just crazy and I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on March 23, 2006, at 23:39:43
In reply to Angry, Hurt and Sad, posted by LadyBug on March 23, 2006, at 22:36:05
Been there many times. My therapist swears he's forgetful, but I think he doesn't like to have me upset with him and unconsciously forgets so it doesn't get processed.
But, whoever's right, it was a problem for me, and it wasn't really one for him.
So after talking about it a million times with no appreciable difference, I started asking him at the beginning of each session if he has anything he needs to tell me. He got annoyed for a while, but every time he brought it up, I asked him if he could promise me that if I didn't ask he'd promise to remember to tell me in plenty of time to process it before the end of the session. He couldn't promise, so I kept asking. He now has decided to find it amusing, which is ok, because I get my needs met. I ask, and if there's something coming up I find out, and there's plenty of time to process it.
Posted by Daisym on March 24, 2006, at 1:18:49
In reply to Angry, Hurt and Sad, posted by LadyBug on March 23, 2006, at 22:36:05
I would be crushed too. My therapist needs to give me a month's notice because I need that much time to figure out how to survive it. If he just dumped it on me, unless it was an emergency, I would think he didn't care either.
But she obviously cares. The whole blanket thing is really sweet and touching.
I think you need to tell her, again and again, that you need more notice. Together I hope you can figure it out.
Posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 2:28:22
In reply to Angry, Hurt and Sad, posted by LadyBug on March 23, 2006, at 22:36:05
(((LadyBug))),
I'm sorry you're hurting.
It might be a good idea to leave a voicemail for your T. Maybe just getting it off your chest would help you to be able to kind of let it go until you see her again. And then, you can focus on the good parts of tonight's session.
She sounds like a good T. I'm sure she'd be willing to work with you on this, if you let her know how important it is that you get the time you need to process the idea of time away from her. It's important that you tell her how hurt and angry you feel when she doesn't give you notice.
Take care,
Laurie
Posted by B2chica on March 24, 2006, at 9:18:46
In reply to Angry, Hurt and Sad, posted by LadyBug on March 23, 2006, at 22:36:05
i think the blanket thing is a Really good idea. i wish i had thought about this with my old T. that would have been fantastic.
but i agree with the others, i do think you should call her and leave a message. you will feel better and then you can make sure and talk about it next session. it's important that your T see this as an important issue that needs to be worked on. i thihnk she should respect your needs and try to tell you several weeks in advance so that you can talk about it, how your going to get through, what some techniques would be to self-soothe...etc. to get you through that time that she's gone.
>> and no one loved me as a little girl.
oh, lady, this made me sad. please know you are loved now...i know that won't make up for the hurt you had growing up. but you were worthy of love, just that those around you were wrapped up in themselves and quite frankly weren't worthy of you. you are a beautiful girl then and now and deserve the very best.
((((((little LB)))))
b2c.
Posted by allisonross on March 24, 2006, at 10:04:03
In reply to Re: Angry, Hurt and Sad » LadyBug, posted by All Done on March 24, 2006, at 2:28:22
LadyBug, sweetie: (back after a long tim)
Tell her that when she doesn't tell you at the beginning of the session.....when she is leaving, it makes you feel; then list how it makes you feel. If you have a good relationship with her, she will honor your request.
You need to felt "heard".....sweet lil Ladybug
If you cannot say it out loud, then write it and give it to her. If she cares, she will do it.
Love and hugs, Allison
Posted by LadyBug on March 24, 2006, at 12:06:16
In reply to Re: Angry, Hurt and Sad » All Done, posted by allisonross on March 24, 2006, at 10:04:03
Thank you ALL for your kind and understanding words. You guys are all so sweet.
I'm glad you liked my "blanket" story because it was a really amazing thing. We talked about it again yesterday and I told her how much it did for me this week. She said I might have to bring my blanket with me again so it can be re-charged. Great idea! I'm sure I will do it. She said it was something that worked for "us", but might not work for someone else. She's right.
I'm still feeling bummed out. Although I'm at work now, that helps, but there's the underlying issue of abandonment I feel. I called her last night and left her a voice mail while I was driving home. I almost started to cry when I said to her, "How can I learn to love myself when no one else loves me and no one loved me as a little girl?" That's how I was feeling at the moment and I still feel that way. We've talked about her tellling me at the end of the hour that she's leaving, yet she does it again and again. Is she not willing to help me process it and she doesn't want to hurt me though she knows it hurts? I'd think after working with her for 9 years she'd learn!!! My triggers are still there and this is one of them, I can't forget them!
I called her early this morning to tell her I was still feeling so hurt and did't even feel like going to work. I said, I know this is about my childhood injury, and it's not you. We both know it's what she does that triggers my injury.
I guess for a little background I will tell you that my mom is bipolar and she had a nervous breakdown when I was born. I was the 4th child of 5 and with each child she got worse. I don't know how she took care of me as a baby, though I know she was really sick and I was at my grandma's for a few weeks as a new born. She never, ever hugged me or told me she loved me unitl I was in my 20's. Her and my dad would leave all the time to go somewhere either for a few hours or for the weekend. When she left me I was terrified!!!!!!!! I had an older brother that was pure torture to me. He was so cruel. I was so afraid of him. Not only did he hit me, but he called me names etc. It really hurt my sence of self. The injury might not sound so bad to all of you that have sufferd worse things, but to me it hurts to my very core.
Thanks all for reading and responding. That's so helpful to me to know that someone would read what I have to say and reply. I'm not used to that. I used to getting ignored.
You guys are truely awesome!! I'm so glad I found Babble, it makes more sence to me than any other place I go outside of therapy.
Hugs to you!!!
LadyBug
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