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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on March 16, 2006, at 5:56:45
I had a pdoc appt yesterday, he's new and I've never met him before. Previous pdoc and I had our differences (she was an insensitive *ss-hole, told me my T was 'paid to listen to me winge!!)
Anyway i was determined to be 'good'but it all went so wrong.I forgot he might not know most of the history about certain things because onlt T knows and somehow we got to talking about my obsessive thoughts about doing something majorly revengeful to a certain person and he asked me what stopped me from acting on these and now I realise I was supposed to say ' because i know it would be wrong and the concequenses that it would entail' and I went and said ' because I'm only going to get one shot at this and I want it to be at just the right moment for full effect, infront of the right people'.
He then asked what I thought would happen to which I replied 'I'd been seen as a hero who has made the world a better place'
SH*T I can see now how this might sound to him and I really did want to be 'good'
Posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 7:29:26
In reply to I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say, posted by milly on March 16, 2006, at 5:56:45
Honest is important, though.
It sounds like you know that it would be wrong and have bad consequences for you to hurt this person, but you have a lot of anger. Can you understand this anger? Can you talk to your therapist about it?
For myself, in therapy and with my pdoc, I like to be honest, even if it isn't pretty. It is freeing to be able to be honest someplace in my life.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 16, 2006, at 12:55:52
In reply to Re: I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say » milly, posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 7:29:26
It sounds like you were being authentic in sharing your deepest thoughts so honestly. I think we all have fantasies like that, which help us to process our feelings, even if we would never act on them. I have to think your new pdoc would have some sense of "radar" about whether you seriously meant what you said or if you were just letting him into your thought process.
If not, you'll have the opportunity to set him straight next time. And if he holds onto a faulty first impression, well....there's more pdocs in the world?
But authentic isn't stupid.
Take care,
gg
Posted by fairywings on March 17, 2006, at 20:12:38
In reply to I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say, posted by milly on March 16, 2006, at 5:56:45
Don't you hate it when ppl draw you out just a little more than you ever wanted to be drawn out, or if you put things in a way they could be misconstued? I tend so say too much.
Maybe he understood that he was new to you, and maybe you were nervous. Dont' you suppose if he had any real concerns he wouldn't have let you walk out? If he knew the context of what you were talking about AT ALL, then I'd guess he completely understood where you were coming from. How did he seem to respond to what you were telling him?
I hope you're feeling a little better with all of it. When do you see him again? BTW, your last pdoc does sound really insensitive. How can she expect to treat you w/o any perspective into your situation?
fw
Posted by milly on March 21, 2006, at 16:15:37
In reply to Re: I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say » milly, posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2006, at 7:29:26
> Honest is important, though.
>
> It sounds like you know that it would be wrong and have bad consequences for you to hurt this person, but you have a lot of anger. Can you understand this anger? Can you talk to your therapist about it?
>
> For myself, in therapy and with my pdoc, I like to be honest, even if it isn't pretty. It is freeing to be able to be honest someplace in my life.Yep i guess I was just being honest and no it wasn't pretty and I didn't like what I heard.
My T & I both know that I am a potential danger to this man but that also we have planned that I promise to tell my T if I ever deliberatly cross his path again (having the car keys forcably removed from me by my teenage daughter was a fairly humiliating experience last time I had opportunity to hurt him that I don't want to repeat)
I think I had wanted to keep it between me & T but I guess pdoc knowing isn't so bad
Posted by milly on March 21, 2006, at 16:17:25
In reply to Re: I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say, posted by gardenergirl on March 16, 2006, at 12:55:52
Hope so
Posted by milly on March 21, 2006, at 16:26:50
In reply to Re: I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say » milly, posted by fairywings on March 17, 2006, at 20:12:38
> Don't you hate it when ppl draw you out just a little more than you ever wanted to be drawn out, or if you put things in a way they could be misconstued? I tend so say too much.** Yep I do and it gets me into sooo much trouble. That was why I really didn't want to find myself telling him that. There is a history of my honesty being twisted and turned to be used against me yet still I don't learn to be guarded in my answers
> Maybe he understood that he was new to you, and maybe you were nervous. Dont' you suppose if he had any real concerns he wouldn't have let you walk out? If he knew the context of what you were talking about AT ALL, then I'd guess he completely understood where you were coming from. How did he seem to respond to what you were telling him?
** He looked a little shaken and unsure of himself (but he is new he didn't even know the meds I was on without looking them up in a book!!) he asked me to talk about it with my T but I didn't bother except to tell him today that I think I had frightened the new pdoc which made him laugh.
T knows that I know that I am a potential danger to this guy and I actually have a contract to contact T if I think it is going to get the better of me. So he's relatively safe.> I hope you're feeling a little better with all of it. When do you see him again? BTW, your last pdoc does sound really insensitive. How can she expect to treat you w/o any perspective into your situation?
** I see pdoc in 5 weeks and he does seem more sensitive than the other one who would probably have completly over-reacted if I had said it to her,
Thanks for your support, milly
Posted by fairywings on March 21, 2006, at 19:08:39
In reply to Re: I can't stop thinking what a stupid thing to say » fairywings, posted by milly on March 21, 2006, at 16:26:50
> ** He looked a little shaken and unsure of himself (but he is new he didn't even know the meds I was on without looking them up in a book!!)Ooooo, a brand new one! ; ) I suppose that could be very good if he's open minded.
>>he asked me to talk about it with my T but I didn't bother except to tell him today that I think I had frightened the new pdoc which made him laugh.
LOL, your T sounds very warm.
> ** I see pdoc in 5 weeks and he does seem more sensitive
Whew! That's a relief! I hope he turns out to be wonderful for you milly.
fw
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