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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
This comes from something that was elsewhere on the boards but comes right down to the point for me. I am a very particular somebody. It was said if I change from therapy or meds or whatever, I'm still me. I've been scared of that forever. Now as I prepare to finally go into a good therapy and med based longterm hospital setting, this idea has to be addressed.
How I see me - (don't laugh, some may seem pretentious or arrogant, but it's true)
a bad *ss
a genius
cynical
a victim
death before dishonor
compassionate
liberal
hard
hurt
artist
ugly in mind
handsome in body
a Punk Rocker
a loverI like being me, even though sometimes I am miserable or out of control. There is this fear that I'll become a "christian" or a "recovery person" and I mean those not in their true meanings, but more like a happy stupid robot. I'm actually scared that I'll be controlled and lose my proper anger, and be unprotected. Just some thoughts. It's about self image versus the imagined image of changing myself.
Anybody else ever struggle with thoughts in this general category? Well I'm going to have to.
James K
Posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 16:49:23
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
hi James,
I was TERRIFIED of those kinds of changes before I started taking Lexapro for anxiety. I was worried that I'd become a zombie, lose my sense of humor, lose my sense of ME-ness, become clone-like. And even more worrisome was that I might not recognize the changes, and therefore would not be able to back out of the meds.But I took the Lexapro anyway because my anxiety was quite bad, and decided that hopefully any changes would be gradual enough that I would "notice" them and be able to act if I didn't like them.
The thing is, though, for ME -- the only thing that really changed was that my anxiety went away. I was still the JenStar I knew. Maybe even more distilled, MORE Jen-Star-ish than before, because I no longer had to waste time and energy on my anxiety and depressions. I had more time to concentrate on being me and doing my stuff. I felt like I was able to show more of my good traits.
So for me, luckily, my fears were not founded.
I'm not sure if that's the case for all meds or treatments, but I've heard a lot of people say things similar to what I have.Hopefully that would be the care for you, too!
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 16:50:46
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » James K, posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 16:49:23
hi james, one more comment:
before I started taking the Lexapro, I talked to my doctor about whether my personality would change. She was very reassuring about it all. Is there someone you trust whom you could talk to for the "scoop" on your proposed treatment? If you hear about it first, it might not be so scary. Just a thought.JenStar
Posted by orchid on March 7, 2006, at 17:55:28
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
If you were 100 pounds overweight and you lose that, would that mean you are no longer you? This is like that - there are some attributes that will change for the better, but you will still be you.
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2006, at 18:42:18
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
I've worried about it. And truth be told, some (if not most) medications make me feel not quite myself. I put up with it if they make life tolerable.
But while the change is obvious to me, I think it's less so to others. Which leads me to believe that the changes aren't all that extreme.
Therapy has never made me feel like I'm not authentically me. The opposite in fact.
Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2006, at 18:46:11
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » James K, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2006, at 18:42:18
I tend to believe in the enduring nature of the most basic human traits, and a set point for happiness. I don't think all the meds or therapy in the world would lead me to be an overly happy person.
Posted by Daisym on March 7, 2006, at 19:08:32
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
My fear is that there is no real me. And that the medications and therapy are peeling back the layers of falseness to eventually expose the truth: my core is a container of nothing. It never had enough nurturing and sunlight to grow, so I'm simply whatever people want me to be. Which isn't even consistent with what they tell me to be.
And that's not all bad. Most people like me, because I can be who they want/need me to be. So if i actually do discover "me" -- what if I'm not likeable?
If you know who you are, I don't think you will lose that. You will just be able to be you, instead of being the protector of you. Good luck.
Posted by fallsfall on March 7, 2006, at 20:32:54
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
As I've changed through therapy, I have become different. But I have made the choice to be different each step of the way. I have chosen to be more tolerant of others. I have chosen to give people more credit for their ideas. I have chosen to be more flexible. I didn't HAVE to make these changes. These are changes that I decided that I wanted to make. So while I'm different from who I used to be, I've had control over all of the changes - so I guess that makes me feel like I'm still me, just a me who has decided to change some things.
If this makes no sense, then feel free to ignore it.
Posted by annierose on March 7, 2006, at 21:44:04
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » James K, posted by Daisym on March 7, 2006, at 19:08:32
I beg to disagree.
Your core is full of love, kindness, compassion, thoughtfullness, wisdom, creativity ... need I go on????
I do know what you are saying, I experience the same self-doubt. I remember, when it really mattered at 1 am, 2 am, 4 am --- and my (then) babies were still wide awake --- my core was there. It wasn't happy it was still awake, but my patience, love was still there saying, "you're not happy you are awake, but you are so happy that they are here to wake you." Does that make sense? "Now go sing them another song."
Posted by annierose on March 7, 2006, at 21:44:36
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » James K, posted by fallsfall on March 7, 2006, at 20:32:54
It made sense to me.
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 9:42:42
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » JenStar, posted by JenStar on March 7, 2006, at 16:50:46
> before I started taking the Lexapro, I talked to my doctor about whether my personality would change. She was very reassuring about it all. Is there someone you trust whom you could talk to for the "scoop" on your proposed treatment? If you hear about it first, it might not be so scary. Just a thought.
>
> JenStar---I'll be starting from scratch with a new doctor. I have lots of past trust issues with pdocs, and I'm going to have to be trusting and still assertive on my desires vs. their professional judgement. I've gone to either extreme in past open confrontation and refusal, to compliance for the sake of compliance.
I intend for this to be a different experience this time, so I'm thinking about this stuff ahead of time.
thanks for helping me with the process
James K
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 9:46:08
In reply to Also, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2006, at 18:46:11
> I tend to believe in the enduring nature of the most basic human traits, and a set point for happiness. I don't think all the meds or therapy in the world would lead me to be an overly happy person.
---Yeah, that's what I want. I want to still be cantankerous and have proper anger, but not be consumed and hateful.
James K
Posted by James K on March 8, 2006, at 9:54:14
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me? » fallsfall, posted by annierose on March 7, 2006, at 21:44:36
> It made sense to me.
---Me too. Becoming what I want to. Choosing the me I'll be based on choice, not instinct. or that's part of what I got.
Thanks ff, and annierose. and daisym. I agree with annierose there too.
Orchid, I once read something about a big man wanting to stay big so he took up more space. I think that is part of my fear, my negatives take up space I guess I'm talking about bad boundaries. clinging to the negatives for protection maybe?Thanks all.
James K
Posted by B2chica on March 8, 2006, at 10:57:40
In reply to If I change am I still me?, posted by James K on March 7, 2006, at 15:45:12
i think in order to stay you, you Must change. if a person doesn't change throughout their life, they've become stagnit and only a shell of who they USED to be. you must evolve to become. With that in mind i don't think meds will make you loose who you are. it's a matter of finding the right combo.
i must say i agree with a lot of your list. i like it. you're really honest, that's so good. and not common. i was scared too, mostly that i'd loose my edge, my protective layer. i think i have lost a little but i've gained so much more.
when you find the right med combo, you will feel just like you should, no altered states.
i have a depressive personality and that will never change, no matter the drugs, cuz it's not chemical it's innate, it's life/experience that has shaped my personality. so in that way i won't change but i can keep it from killing me, or changing my life for the worse.
like fallsfall said, you change what you want, and get help when you need help to re-shape yourself, but YOU make the changes, no one else, no outside force.once a pain in the a$$ always a PITA.
however, i have no trust in institutions, hospitals are fine but we have a state run facility that is terrible. i think in an institution you get to the point beyond wanting help and just want out, that's when you change to what you think they want to get out. but in my eyes you've gotta do what you've gotta do.
so just remember who you are and no one can take that from you.
sorry this turned negative.best wishes
b2c.
Posted by James K on March 14, 2006, at 12:40:20
In reply to Re: If I change am I still me?, posted by B2chica on March 8, 2006, at 10:57:40
Thanks b2c, I didn't go into the hospital after all. Maybe my fear of change and of institutions allowed me to not overcome the obstacles that got in my way. I am still committed to improvement. There are no easy ways.
It's a beautiful day outside right now.
James K
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