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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 19:06:21
Well… After much reading on this board, it seems to make sense to me to conceive of myself as multiple. The inside kids are very much me, but at the same time they’re not 36 year-old mother-of-three full-time-university-teacher Tamar.
There’s the 13 year-old. She’s the one who doesn’t feel ready for sex with my husband (and who can blame her?). She has a huge crush on my therapist, and I tease her about it: I say “What if he took off his shirt?” and she screams and covers her face with her hands. On one level she wants my therapist physically and sexually, but for her to want someone sexually means to want to talk to him about sex and maybe to hold his hand. She wants his permission to enjoy her sexuality and to become an adult, but she doesn’t want an adult sexual relationship with him. In a way, she wants him as a father-figure.
Then there’s the 18 year-old. She also wants my therapist, but she wants to conquer him. She wants to seduce him so that she will feel less disempowered. She’s very angry and very wary of people and believes she’s immortal and invincible. She wants a father-figure who can comfort her but she wouldn’t believe anyone who offered her that kind of love.
And there’s also an eight year-old. This one is curled up in a corner and not communicating at the moment. Also, s/he identifies as a boy.
And then there’s me. I don’t want my therapist the way the 13 year-old and the 18 year-old want him. I understand their desire for a father-figure, and for an attractive man they can trust to show them what they want and need to know. I’m attracted to my therapist but I don’t want him as urgently as the inside kids. I’m pretty happy to look at him from a distance. But I share their desire for a father-figure and sometimes I want him to comfort me like a father should comfort his daughter. And I still don’t understand what’s going on with the eight year-old.
If I tell my therapist all this, will he think I’m crazy?
Tamar
Posted by Pfinstegg on February 23, 2006, at 19:43:37
In reply to Inner kids, posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 19:06:21
Well, you could print out my post just below this as a start..
Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:17:59
In reply to Inner kids, posted by Tamar on February 23, 2006, at 19:06:21
I circled around it a lot with my therapist before being frank. Therapists have different attitudes towards thinking about yourself in those terms. Some find it extremely helpful, some get afraid of the backlash from the whole DID scandal and will discourage it.
We did this whole dance. I'd approach, he'd turn aside a bit, I'd obediently follow his lead, but then in trying to explain something I'd approach again. Then I started talking in huge roundabout circles so as to say what I was trying to say without saying anything he didn't want me to say.
Finally I sat him down and told him that it wasn't helpful for me not to be able to discuss it freely. And since then he's been ok with whatever I say.
Which is a very long way of suggesting that you sound your therapist out about the idea, and that way of conceptualizing your conflicts. Which allows you to frame it *that* way if you decide to do that. Or to decide how to bring it up, if you feel that you would like to, but he doesn't seem receptive. Or to realize he's perfectly ok with it.
Posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 7:10:21
In reply to Re: Inner kids » Tamar, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2006, at 20:17:59
Ah yes, the circling. I hate the circling and trying not to say something they don't want to hear. I think you're very brave to be able to be so open with your therapist.
In the end I found a way to refer to it directly, and he asked me what I meant so I told him and he said he thought it was a very sensible approach. I like it when he approves...
But in other ways it wasn't a great session :(
Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2006, at 9:06:34
In reply to Re: Inner kids » Dinah, posted by Tamar on February 24, 2006, at 7:10:21
I'm glad you were honest and he was open to it.
Wanna talk about the rest?
(((Tamar)))
This is the end of the thread.
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