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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by James K on February 15, 2006, at 14:16:21
I'm not sure where I am going with this, but I have it in my mind and I want to write it down. I'm making plans to go to this real good treatment place that I was lucky enough to go to about a year or two ago (I can't even do the math) When I was their, I used their literature about thinking and whatever stuff. And it made sense. And I wrote pages of what happened to me and how my mind made these ways of thinking and acting, and what it would take to begin deconstructing these things in my head and put other things in.
And then I got mad. Because my shrink was suck. And she had already resigned and they didn't care about me as "me" just their preconceived notions of who me was. So, I was mad, and I tore it all up, and threw it away and broke some stuff. Now I can't remember what I wrote, or what the plan was. I didn't even want to have a plan. I can't even think there in that part of my brain.
Has anyone ever done something literally or symbolicaly self destructive to their recovery before? How do I not do it again? I don't know. I'm just emotionally preparing to try again. This afternoon I go see my best friend and try to explain it to him. He gets it, but not where i've been at just lately. And he needs to make his wife get it better.
James K
Posted by sabrina0805 on February 15, 2006, at 14:48:21
In reply to Self Sabatoge, posted by James K on February 15, 2006, at 14:16:21
He is your best friend. Why must he make his wife "get it better"? Does he tell her everything you tell him?
Please understand my question. I am not trying to be argumentative. If he gets it, then he is your friend, no matter what.
I know just how much you adore and love your wife.
I self destruct my healing all the time.
I understand.
I am sorry if this post does not seem supportive.
Sabrina
Posted by James K on February 15, 2006, at 15:01:20
In reply to Re: Self Sabatoge » James K, posted by sabrina0805 on February 15, 2006, at 14:48:21
Fair question. Sometimes I speak in shorthand. She (his wife) is very good friend too, but she comes from a nicer place than us and doesn't always understand the violent part of things. When they have a baby, I'm supposed to be the Godfather. I don't want her to have second thoughts about that because of not "getting it". Cause she's pregnant (too early to announce official). I have to be well for me, but I want to be well for my wife, my friend and his family too.
That's what I meant by she need to get it. I don't want her to be scared of a part of me she's just heard about, or seen once or twice.
James K
Posted by poet on February 15, 2006, at 19:06:45
In reply to Self Sabatoge, posted by James K on February 15, 2006, at 14:16:21
Hi James,
Can you get copies of the literature from the treatment place before you go there? Maybe reading about what they do and how they do it might help you remember more about what it was like when you were last there and why you thought you were being helped.
I understand that you destroyed the notes because you were angry at the doctor, but some part of you must think it's a good place for you to go or you wouldn't be trying so hard to recall what you thought at the time.
I tried journaling for awhile, but kept ripping up what I wrote. I finally gave what I'd written to my therapist to keep. Basically to keep me away from it or I'd destroy it. Maybe your wife or your friend could keep your notes for you?
I think that maybe your friend and you should sit down with his wife and hear from both of you. Obviously your friend trusts you and you trust him. His wife should, hopefully, pick up on the good things your friend says.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
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