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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shrinking violet on February 9, 2006, at 21:07:42
Hi everyone,
After 2 years with a Uni T, with whom I bonded with very closely, I graduated and was forced to find a new T. I chose one that my former T had recommended. I've been seeing the new T since last fall (started with her in October-ish, went to a few sessions and found it too hard then quit for a while, and recently went back). When asked by others (medical doc, etc) how I feel about her, I always find myself saying "Well, I don't hate her." My doc suggested I find a T that I can say/feel a little more about, but after the turbulent relationship with my former T (which I am somewhat trying to work out with my new T as my former T left me hurt with lots of questions) I'm not sure I necessarily *want* to feel anything for her. True, I don't think of her between sessions, I don't want anything to happen to her but I don't feel overly concerned or attached to her, and I couldn't care less about her life or knowing anything about her, and I wouldn't want her to hug me at all. All of this is the exact opposite reaction of my former T, and in a way I'm sort of glad. But, is therapy with her going to work if I can't find anything better to say about her than "I don't hate her"?
Just thought I'd put this out there and see what others thought....
Thanks,
sv
Posted by Dinah on February 9, 2006, at 21:52:00
In reply to how are we supposed to feel about our T's?, posted by shrinking violet on February 9, 2006, at 21:07:42
Does she give you good insights? Does she help you change in good ways?
Posted by muffled on February 9, 2006, at 22:07:36
In reply to how are we supposed to feel about our T's?, posted by shrinking violet on February 9, 2006, at 21:07:42
Posted by pegasus on February 10, 2006, at 8:43:24
In reply to how are we supposed to feel about our T's?, posted by shrinking violet on February 9, 2006, at 21:07:42
You know, I've been in a similar situation. I had a T that I was (am) very attached to, who moved away. Then I tried a bunch of other Ts who I didn't really like. Finally I found one who I felt comfortable with, and I worked with her for about a year and a half. But . . . I never attached to her at all. I never thought about her outside of therapy. I never really wondered what she thought about anything I was saying. I never had the slightest curiosity about her life. I never longed to talk to her. I don't miss her now that I've stopped seeing her.
In my case, I think she did help me. Maybe just by being someone I didn't mind talking to. I really needed to process the stuff about my ex-T leaving, and deal with a couple of other urgent issues. I think I did some good work with her.
And, then I left as soon as things seemed a bit more resolved. There are still some big issues that I never really talked to her about, and never wanted to. Things that were less urgent. Things that I had been about to get into with my old T, before he told me he was leaving. I'm not sure that I'll ever work on those things again. In fact, I doubt that I will.
So, I guess I don't have a good answer for you. I would guess that with a T to whom we are attached, we can get into bigger, deeper, scary-er issues. I think the attachment helps there. But it also seems possible to do some good work with someone to whom we don't attach.
One last thought . . . In my case, I believe that I didnt' attach to the 2nd T in part because I was afraid to, considering what happened with T1. I believe that I subconsiously sought out someone to whom I didn't think I'd become attached. Maybe the same thing is happening for you?
peg
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 10, 2006, at 9:12:23
In reply to Re: how are we supposed to feel about our T's?, posted by pegasus on February 10, 2006, at 8:43:24
To add to what Peg said at the end of her post, perhaps your feelings for new T have a lot to do with your fears of loss, being hurt, etc. again by a T. I think it makes sense and it is okay. We need some of our defenses to manage in our day to day lives. However, if you could talk it through w/ your current T it might really help heal that painful part of you. And maybe your relationship w/ her would evolve too.
Best,
EE
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