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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on February 3, 2006, at 12:50:51
Can't cope with this but hate myself for not being the mother they used to have.
Just because I'm not a crying wreck at the moment my girls think I'm back to me (whatever that was) and have just invited 9 friends to stay over tonight.(Mum won't mind!!)
I feel completly hopeless and pathetic but my space has been invaded and it makes me feel so vulnerable
They've had a horrid time with a horrid mother so I should be able to be this 'all welcoming mother' they once had but I can't.
Heading to bed
milly
Posted by muffled on February 3, 2006, at 13:03:40
In reply to Thats it I'm heading under the duvet, posted by milly on February 3, 2006, at 12:50:51
> Can't cope with this but hate myself for not being the mother they used to have.
> Just because I'm not a crying wreck at the moment my girls think I'm back to me (whatever that was) and have just invited 9 friends to stay over tonight.(Mum won't mind!!)
> I feel completly hopeless and pathetic but my space has been invaded and it makes me feel so vulnerable
> They've had a horrid time with a horrid mother so I should be able to be this 'all welcoming mother' they once had but I can't.
> Heading to bed
> milly***Awwwww Milly. Sh*ts its sohard isn't it? Being a Mom. Its like Mom is such a major thing. HUGE. So when we down its double worse cuz everybody depends on us. But you know what, they do manage. I have found that I need to make time for myself and not feel guilty about it. I'm taking better care of my physical and mental health. And sometimes that means I put myself first. Its hard to do without feeling guilty. But if I can't get it together they gonna end up with no Mom cuz I totally gonna lose it. Lately I am trying to be thankful that I'm not crazier than I am. I AM managing to function in day to day life. Mebbbe not well, but I'm working on it. What else can I do?
How old are your kids?
NINE friends!!!!!!! Its weird and awful that when you are down that the kids have lost their stability and then they behave WORSE than ever and we Moms just don't have the resources to cope with it.
Is there an even moderately supportive husband in the pic?
Or a family member, close friend.
That can help advocate for you with the kids?
Anyways, hope things look up for you, know how you feel, you not alone, it does get better. Sometimes a good hide under the quilt is just the best thing.
Take care Milly,
I'm in your corner!
Muffled
Posted by gee on February 3, 2006, at 14:33:33
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet » milly, posted by muffled on February 3, 2006, at 13:03:40
Milly, is there any way you could tell your girls that it's too many friends? 9 girls? That's a lot.
Can you let the girls kinda do it on their own?
Good luck. Let us know how the night went
Posted by Dinah on February 3, 2006, at 17:28:54
In reply to Thats it I'm heading under the duvet, posted by milly on February 3, 2006, at 12:50:51
Nine kids? Who could? I sure couldn't. :)
And I was speaking to someone just the other day who had to disinvite someone invited to spend the night by their child.
Don't feel alone. You're not unwelcoming. You're just a mom.
Posted by fairywings on February 3, 2006, at 18:06:57
In reply to Thats it I'm heading under the duvet, posted by milly on February 3, 2006, at 12:50:51
I agree with the others Milly 9 kids is just too many at once. Who wouldn't be overwhelmed by that?
You're a good mom, you just need some time to take care of you, and muffy's right, sometimes you have to put yourself first in order to be the best you can be. When I started counseling I knew I had to do it for myself and my family, or things would never be right. Sometimes it takes a lot to undo the bad stuff you're going through.
Can your hubby take over w/the girls? Let us know how you do.
fw
Posted by milly on February 4, 2006, at 7:05:00
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet » milly, posted by muffled on February 3, 2006, at 13:03:40
Hi Muffy
Just emerged from the duvet! It's 1pm for me! Thanks for your supportive message and for 'being in my corner'>How old are your kids?
My kids are 4 girls aged 9, 12, 13, 15 and I have put them through hell. I guess they just thought I was back but I'm not really there yet.
When I screwed up my job ?BPD I also screwed up their education (they have to change schools)and they really hate me for it, sometimes I think they would rather I wasn't around.>Is there an even moderately supportive husband in the pic?
Yep, but he's the preacher man! and so absent most evenings when kids around. He has just told me today that due to another error of my judgement (?BPD) means we owe the equivalent to a whole years wages whoops!
being under the quilt was good but eventually you have to get out to pee!
My T is back on Tues thank goodness.
Sorry to hear about the unfortunate yellow episode, definatly needs discussing with T! but I reckon it's cos youre so special
milly
Posted by milly on February 4, 2006, at 7:15:05
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet, posted by gee on February 3, 2006, at 14:33:33
Thanks gee
it was too late to cancel by the time I posted they were actually in the house.
You are right 9 is too many but having given them such a hellish time it is so difficult to feel I have any rights.I did just let them get on with it themselves and retreated under the duvet and didn't come out till they had all gone (their friends must think I'm a very odd mother)
milly
Posted by milly on February 4, 2006, at 7:19:04
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet » milly, posted by Dinah on February 3, 2006, at 17:28:54
Thanks Dinah,
You are right 9 is too many but as you see from above saying yes was easier than no and recieving the full weight of their anger, which would include alot of references to what I had done
milly
Posted by milly on February 4, 2006, at 7:23:44
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet » milly, posted by fairywings on February 3, 2006, at 18:06:57
> I agree with the others Milly 9 kids is just too many at once. Who wouldn't be overwhelmed by that?
>
> You're a good mom, you just need some time to take care of you, and muffy's right, sometimes you have to put yourself first in order to be the best you can be. When I started counseling I knew I had to do it for myself and my family, or things would never be right. Sometimes it takes a lot to undo the bad stuff you're going through.
>
> Can your hubby take over w/the girls? Let us know how you do.
> fwThanks fairywings
Hubby did take over thank goodness, they all deserve better than me.
I guess I never was super mum and the times when it might have appeared I was verging on it was probably mania!
Sorry I missed the group hug, different time zone, hope this makes up!((((((((((FW))))))))))Milly
Posted by muffled on February 5, 2006, at 22:46:46
In reply to Re: Thats it I'm heading under the duvet » fairywings, posted by milly on February 4, 2006, at 7:23:44
Ok, you a sweetie but I just GOT to say a thing or two, and you can just tell me to butt out!!!
Anyhow, when I was reading your replies I was getting a little bothered.\
For one, I REALLY don't think your kids would rather not have you around , really, when it comes down to it. Would you expect your kids to bail on you if you had cancer or something? You have a sickness, just unfortunately mental health stuff is STILL frighteningly misunderstood and underfunded etc. People just don't 'get' it that its an illness. They are the stupid ones. Do they REALLY think we LIKE feeling this way??????????????Would they trade places?????????????????
I'm glad your still able to maintain your sense of humour, its saved me many a time, just being able to laugh.
I'm SO glad you were able to stay under your duvet!!!
EXCUSE ME???!!! You do have rights!!!!! Grrrrr! I'm wanting to get back on my soapbox about mental illness being an ILLNESS, but I'll shut up!
Are you serious? Do your children actually throw your errors in your face??? OMG. Send them to me so I can kick their *sses for them the ungrateful little wretches.Better yet, let them live in my house of craziness for awhile and they'll proly go screaming back home!!!!
Anyways, Milly, you sound lovely. Raising four kids is so very hard at the best of times. W/O the preacher aspect added to it as well. I think you need to give yourself alot more credit for surviving as long as you did! And now your doing what you need to do to make your life better.
Do you guys sit down with your kids and explain that this is ILLNESS? That you are getting help? It'll be good training for them and at least there will be 4 more people who go forth that understand about being sick.
Anyhow, this is long winded and no doubt annoying so I'll shut up now!
Take care Milly, your doing great.
Muffled
Posted by milly on February 6, 2006, at 14:59:18
In reply to Milly, Milly, Milly.... » milly, posted by muffled on February 5, 2006, at 22:46:46
> Ok, you a sweetie but I just GOT to say a thing or two, and you can just tell me to butt out!!!
No I won't tell you to butt out but must confess a rise in anxiety when I thought you were going to 'tell me off' However I think your comments are fair
> Anyhow, when I was reading your replies I was getting a little bothered.\
> For one, I REALLY don't think your kids would rather not have you around , really, when it comes down to it. Would you expect your kids to bail on you if you had cancer or something?No on reflection I think that is a negative thought I have put on the situation too ease the guilt I feel about how close they came to not having me around.
>You have a sickness, just unfortunately mental health stuff is STILL frighteningly misunderstood and underfunded etc. People just don't 'get' it that its an illness. They are the stupid ones. Do they REALLY think we LIKE feeling this way??????????????Would they trade places?????????????????
Good point, but when you see the chaos you have caused all around you it is hard not to feel guilty.
> I'm glad your still able to maintain your sense of humour, its saved me many a time, just being able to laugh.
> I'm SO glad you were able to stay under your duvet!!!
> EXCUSE ME???!!! You do have rights!!!!! Grrrrr! I'm wanting to get back on my soapbox about mental illness being an ILLNESS, but I'll shut up!You don't have to shut up - you are right
> Are you serious? Do your children actually throw your errors in your face??? OMG.
They have found it hard at times, but at other times they have been very supportive (They think its great if I'm completly out of action because the 'ladies of the church' bring meals and they are always better than I manage on a good day!)
>Send them to me so I can kick their *sses for them the ungrateful little wretches.Better yet, let them live in my house of craziness for awhile and they'll proly go screaming back home!!!!
> Anyways, Milly, you sound lovely. Raising four kids is so very hard at the best of times. W/O the preacher aspect added to it as well. I think you need to give yourself alot more credit for surviving as long as you did! And now your doing what you need to do to make your life better.
> Do you guys sit down with your kids and explain that this is ILLNESS? That you are getting help? It'll be good training for them and at least there will be 4 more people who go forth that understand about being sick.
They certainly do understand alot more than most kids their age, but what a hard way to learn.
> Anyhow, this is long winded and no doubt annoying so I'll shut up now!
> Take care Milly, your doing great.
> MuffledThanks Muffled i needed that!
I think my duvet is calling me! I had a car accident today - me versus a very large tractor
Posted by muffled on February 9, 2006, at 13:00:59
In reply to Re: Milly, Milly, Milly.... » muffled, posted by milly on February 6, 2006, at 14:59:18
Sorry Milly if I sounded bad. I'm a little mixed up right now. Sorry, hope alls going ok for you.
Muffled
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