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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
I think.
I grew up in a very violent house and, even when I wasn't the target, I still retain the images of violence that so shape my life that they feel like they are imbedded in the mortar of me.
How does one overcome a father slamming into a door trying to get to you, your brother and your mom? All the while you know that if that door gives way, you are done for.
These things I think are too hard to shake, too hard to give any meaning to, even with the most talented of therapist.
Is there enough love in the world to make amends for this fear?
I doubt it.
Posted by fires on January 30, 2006, at 11:06:59
In reply to There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
You might want to read "Bad Childhood---Good Life : How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood "
I know that the book will get a major bashing here, but it does have some good points. For instance:
No matter how bad your childhood was, or your current circumstances are, you can choose how to react to them.
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2006, at 11:25:21
In reply to There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
It probably can't fix it.
What it might be able to do is to teach you to live a fulfilling life anyway. To encourage you to make wise choices and to take emotional chances in your life that might provide other experiences to counterbalance your past.
I don't know. :(
Posted by happyflower on January 30, 2006, at 11:43:05
In reply to There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
Hi Madeline,
I too lived in a very violent home growing up. I didn't have to imagine what would happen if my mother knocked down my door, because she did with a baseball bat and I know what happens next because I lived it weekly. In fact I think I could very easily of died of child abuse if I wasn't strong enough, but I did survive. I was lucky, my life is pretty good, but it is even better due to the work I have done in therapy.
I don't know if you are familar with EMDR, but it changed my life. My story is in archives at Babble starting I think in March of last year. A lot of older babblers can tell you of the abuse I endured, and how my T helped me.
My abuse is my past, I am making my life mean something to me now. The past abuse is no longer defining who I am. I was beaten, burned, tortured, emotionally abused, almost drowned, and my brother has permenant brain damage from what my mother had done to him. But you can move past it, but it takes a lot of work and I think with a good experienced T who specializes in trama therapy. I highly recommend EMDR.
Posted by happyflower on January 30, 2006, at 11:45:22
In reply to Re: There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by happyflower on January 30, 2006, at 11:43:05
Posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 21:02:26
In reply to Re: There are some things therapy can't fix - trig » madeline, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2006, at 11:25:21
I don't know either.
I am just so sad, all of a sudden. I feel very very heavy, you know?
I've talked to my T, and he is very understanding and supportive, but there is very little he can do for me right now and he knows it.
I'm just sad.
Posted by Daisym on January 30, 2006, at 23:53:32
In reply to Re: There are some things therapy can't fix - trig, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 21:02:26
I believe what you are experiencing is grief. At some point we come to the realization that we can't undo what was done and we don't get a "do over." Can it be fixed? NO - because you aren't a child anymore and it isn't still happening. So there isn't anything, in a sense, to fix.
I think what must happen is to allow yourself to fully feel the terror, panic and hatred that exists in these kinds of situations but is forced underground in order to survive. You were strong enough to get through it then and you are strong enough to be working on it in therapy now -- that says a lot. Once you can feel all this with your therapists support, you can then look at the lasting impacts your experiences have had on your life. For example, if you quit everytime a boss raises her voice, even if it isn't at you, you are likely reacting to being triggered. This can be worked out by developing other coping strategies, which aren't as extreme as running away. Some of our behaviors are so programed that we aren't even aware that they are keeping us from finding happiness. We are hyper vigilent to prevent hurt instead.
I think this is what your therapist can do for you. He can help you discover what works for you and he can give you the space to mourn your lost childhood. It takes a long time and there are many painful steps to go through. But you aren't alone. We are here to help.
(((Madeline)))
Posted by alexandra_k on January 31, 2006, at 20:57:45
In reply to There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
Hey. Yeah, I'm not sure how much therapy / life experiences can go towards 'fixing' that kind of thing either.
I don't know.
My current thoughts on this are that... Being aware of what is going on is one thing. Being able to change how you respond to things is another thing.
Does it get better in time?
I think so.
But I don't know. Kind of lost here too...
Posted by kerria on February 1, 2006, at 17:22:42
In reply to There are some things therapy can't fix - trigger, posted by madeline on January 30, 2006, at 10:44:47
((((((((Madeline)))))))
i'm so sorry.therapy can bring in to remember what year it is- that it won't happen again , that we're safe. i know what you mean, it doesn't make it better. The only thing that does is DID. It almost seems like to create and live in new parts without a history is the good solution that i don't want to be healed from. Therapy is so weak.
tears. i'm sorry that it's so hard.
TC,
kerria
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