![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 51. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
I felt all I did today was annoy my T . He was snippy and argumentive and I felt like he just didn't want to be there with me. :(
I don't know what I did, but he made me feel really bad. Should I call him and let him know or should I just cancel my next session and just tell him I am stopping therpy? Maybe I am just too much for him to handle, and he is sick of working with me. He also talked about the costs of therapy vrs. the benefit, and how long I should continue. Well maybe he just wants to get rid of me, because I thought I was getting a lot of benefit, but now I just feel like sh#t. I just can't stop crying, I am so sad and alone.
Posted by fallsfall on December 28, 2005, at 14:13:14
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
This sounds like something you should talk to him about. When do you see him next?
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 14:15:33
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by fallsfall on December 28, 2005, at 14:13:14
> This sounds like something you should talk to him about. When do you see him next?
2 weeks if I deceide not to cancel the appointment.
Posted by Voce on December 28, 2005, at 14:23:42
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
You probably didn't do anything to annoy him. He probably was just having a bad day. No fair of him to let it affect your therapy, but that's unfortunately the way it can go...
I don't think you should have to sit on this for 2 weeks. I think you should e-mail at the very least and tell him how you feel and that you just feel like quitting cold turkey because you feel so bad about how the two of you interacted. Is that an option?
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 14:29:09
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by Voce on December 28, 2005, at 14:23:42
> I don't think you should have to sit on this for 2 weeks. I think you should e-mail at the very least and tell him how you feel and that you just feel like quitting cold turkey because you feel so bad about how the two of you interacted. Is that an option?
He says he doesn't give clients his email address, but I do have one for the university he teaches at, but I probably shouldn't use it if I don't have his permission.
Posted by daisym on December 28, 2005, at 14:29:16
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
I'm sorry you feel so bad. I think you should call and schedule something sooner, if possible. I hate when sessions go off in a weird direction.
Maybe the elephant in the room finally needs talking about...It could be getting in the way of your work together. Just a thought.
I hope your "therapy hangover" doesn't last too long.
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:13:20
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 28, 2005, at 14:29:16
Well I called and left a message. I told him that I didn't like how today went, and I feel really sad like either I have done something or he is just tired of working with me.
Last week when I said I wanted to keep my appointment today, judging from his reaction, I felt he didn't want to be there today. I told him I felt he was impatient and snippy with me which is unlike him.
I also said if he wanted to refer me to someone else because he is sick of working with me, that maybe that is what is best. I said I didn't think that this is the case, I thought we worked well together and I have benifited a lot. But now I just feel like I am a pain in the butt to him again and that makes me sad.
I told him I would call him later, but I probably won't and I didn't tell him to call me back, I said I just wanted to tell him how I feel.
When he was scheduling my next appointment, I was having trouble deceiding on when to have my next appointment, I was talking out loud the stuff I had to do, then he said that doesn't help him, do I want 9,10,11, or 2? I thought, gosh arent we cranky today, but I didn't say that, maybe I should have. I just feel like cr*p.
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:22:21
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:13:20
I have such a headache, part of it is my sinus infection, but part of it is stress. I just don't know what I did wrong.
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:26:16
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 28, 2005, at 14:29:16
There isn't an elephant in the room anymore, just a jack *ss, and I am not sure if it is me or him. My headache feels like a hangover.
Posted by annierose on December 28, 2005, at 15:58:49
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » daisym, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:26:16
Sorry it was a bad session. It's so difficult when it happens because it's not a regular relationship where we have access to the other person to call and have a cup of coffee to figure out what happened.
Did he call you back? Unless I asked my T to specifically to call me, she does not. So if I am upset, I do ask for her to call because it's so hard to sit on those feelings, especially for two weeks. I like what you said on your message. It sounds like he didn't want to go to work today ... well that's not your problem.
Regardless, do not cancel your next appointment. You will not be punishing him, just frustrating yourself.
Keep us posted.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 28, 2005, at 16:21:55
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
I think you should keep the next appointment. I'm not sure why there was discussion about the cost vs. benefits of therapy. Who brought that up?
I'm sorry you're hurting, it's a very vulnerable place to be in (the therapy room)
I think you really need to talk to him about how you're feeling, and an appropriate way to proceed. It seems like there's been some indecision about how many times you see him (ex. once a month vs. twice a month)
What's his approach to treatment? what are your goals? etc.I think you need to have a structure so you can comfortably proceed. It's really difficult to deal with strong feelings without some assurance and reliable T presence. "Getting rid of you"? - I don't think so, but you two are not mutually informed perhaps.
I'm sorry happyflower. (((((((happyflower))))))))
Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 16:30:35
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 15:13:20
I’m sorry you had a bad session.
Of course, I don’t know why he was grumpy but I’d bet my house it’s nothing to do with you. If he didn’t want to work with you anymore he’d probably be bored rather than grumpy.
I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but when people are grumpy with me I usually assume it’s about me. I guess it’s because of my parents’ grumpiness with me… I tend to take everything personally. But of course when people are very grumpy they’ll take it out on anyone around, even if it’s not about the people they’re actually with. I don’t get grumpy at work much, but when I do it’s almost always because I’m really grumpy at a member of my family (or occasionally if a complete stranger is rude to me).
> When he was scheduling my next appointment, I was having trouble deceiding on when to have my next appointment, I was talking out loud the stuff I had to do, then he said that doesn't help him, do I want 9,10,11, or 2? I thought, gosh arent we cranky today, but I didn't say that, maybe I should have. I just feel like cr*p.
I think that’s an important point. It’s hard to say to a therapist, “Gosh, aren’t we cranky today!” And if you had said it, perhaps he would have stopped to think and apologised. But if we don’t say anything the feelings fester.
If he doesn’t call you back, maybe you could call him again and say you still don’t understand why he was snippy with you but you don’t feel you deserved it and you’re feeling hurt, and ask him to call you back. What do you think?
Tamar
Posted by LadyBug on December 28, 2005, at 16:47:22
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
Yes calling him was the right thing to do. And you might have to call him back and tell him you would like him to return your call. Give him a chance to explain what was happening in the room between the two of you. Remember he's not only a therapist, but he's human too and they have their off moments too. (Dang I wish they were magical and could be super human!) I'm sorry it has to be so hurtful for you. You need to get it worked out and the sooner the better for you. It's not fun to wait it out in pain. At least he knows how you feel and he can try to own his part of it. Keep in touch ok....take care....and keep talking to us.
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 19:19:14
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on December 28, 2005, at 16:47:22
I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't need more problems. Maybe things have gotten too personal and he is trying to redraw up the boundries. I just hate therapy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't even want to got to the gym now, because I don't want to see him.
We were even arguing about whether or not he has ever seen me on a treadmill. I said yes you did, he said no I haven't . Why is he trying to disagree with me on everything today? Especially about stuff that shouldn't even matter?
Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 19:19:14
> I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't need more problems. Maybe things have gotten too personal and he is trying to redraw up the boundries. I just hate therapy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't even want to got to the gym now, because I don't want to see him.
(((((Happyflower)))))
> We were even arguing about whether or not he has ever seen me on a treadmill. I said yes you did, he said no I haven't . Why is he trying to disagree with me on everything today? Especially about stuff that shouldn't even matter?
Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
>
> (((((Happyflower)))))
>
>> Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
>
Tamar,
I just feel like he won't talk to me on the phone because things like this have gotten worse when we did that because he is cold on the phone. But yet I don't feel like I should have to pay for another appointment either. Today just felt like a power stuggle I think. Maybe I was fighting him too.It started off okay, he even said he thought about me when he didn't see me at the gym last Sat. , because he knew I was at home cooking pounds of sausage. He told me he throw up at on Christmas for the first time in a decade. Well I was talking about me being sick, and he has to talk about himself. I think things have gotten too personal between us because when he acts like an *sshole I get hurt. I did tell him I am having 2nd thoughts about the divorce, but he seemed to agree with my reasoning, but maybe me going in circles is annoying him.
But then again if things weren't personal, I would still feel hurt by the way he was today. I know he has to know it will be uncomfortable at the gym if this waits 2 weeks. We even talked today about how my DH runs from his problems, and I confront them, just like I did with him.I just don't know if things could ever not be personal, it would be hard to go back because we do enjoy each others company.
Today I just felt like I was trash and he was trying to throw me away. I think if he had an appointment he had to get to right after my session, he could of told me that he had to leave right after our appointment. He didn't have to get mean about it.
I guess I made the first move by calling him and telling him how he made me feel today. The ball is in his court I think. If doesn't call I guess I could just dump a bottle of cold water on his head at the gym. How about that? LOL I got a new water bottle that can squirt water, maybe get him good as he jogs by and trys to ignore me! Ha! He shouldn't mess with this happyflower. Okay I need to get to bed now. Thanks for you support. I am exhausted.
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » Tamar, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
Hi Happyflower - I am a lurker here, I've posted before but it has been a long while & I doubt if anyone remembers me.
Anyway, I've been following your posts a bit. I thought I'd add that I have worked for a T for the past 5 years. I've noticed over the years that whenever he lets lines blur with clients, which he definitely has a tendency to do, at some point he always institutes a "crack down" of sorts. Since your T has been flirting with you & such, he may be trying to institute some more "discipline" (for lack of a better word) to the therapy relationship. Sadly, it is because of his own misjudgements but it comes across as a punishment to you. Which understandably is confusing.
So I guess what I'm attempting to say is if he is trying to be more formal about things again...try not to feel like you are the one to blame because you are not! He may just be feeling extra-aware that he has let things slide a bit. If you have questions or concerns about it, you totally have a right to ask them.
(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)
Kim
Posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
Hi (((hf)))
I'm hoping he was just having a bad day, and that he was cranky with you. But he shouldn't be since you're paying big bucks. If he has an issue and it's going to affect your therapy, he needs to just spit it out. Maybe write it all out, get it out of your system, and then send it in the mail tomorrow. I hope he calls you back, he should since it was obvious you were upset.
Let me know,
fw
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
He apologized for being abrupt with me yesterday as my session was over. He said some would say he was rude and he didn't didn't mean to be, it had nothing to do with me and it isn't an excuse for his behavior, he was just anxious about his doctors appointment that was after my appointment. He wished me a happy new year and said he would see me in 2 weeks.
I am still upset and sad. So now what was he anxious about, is he dying or something, is something really wrong with him or with someone else in his family? I guess I shouldn't care after all it isn't any of my business.
Posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
In reply to He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
Some people get anxious about being late.
Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
> Some people get anxious about being late.
>
> Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
>I am surprised he even called, I didn't ask him to and he is normally strict about that. He really hurt my feelings and I still don't want to see him especially at the gym. I hate those type of encounters and I don't want him to look at me.
Plus I am thinking about canceling my appointment. I am just tired of talking about the same old stuff, nothing is changing, I have little control of the bad stuff, so what's the point in paying someone 90 bucks to rehash the same thing over and over again. I will wait to see how I feel in 2 weeks though, maybe I will want to see him again.
I guess I am still a little angry. Would you be or am I overr eacting again? I just feel like he crushed me, stomped on me, and throw me out in the trash. I know he said he was sorry, but he still made me feel like cr*p. :(
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » daisym, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
I guess I should just let my feelings go and try to forget about it, he has been very gracious when I was a jerk to him, so doesn't he deserve the same back? I hope I will feel better about this in the morning.
Posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
In reply to Re: He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
I think a lot of us feel very deeply about our T's. Many reactions we have are stronger than those we experience we other people. We expect them to react in a certain way and when they don't, it shakes our foundation.
That is why I would not cancel my appointment. It is important to talk this out. You will be able to work it out with him. Trust that. Yes, he was short with you. He apologized. He explained why. Some people just don't like doctors, maybe it was for a yucky type of "male" test. He was dreading it, or he didn't want to be late (I know I get very anxious if I feel I'm running late for my T appointment).
And yes, sometimes everything feels better in the morning. I surely hope it will for you. I know that feeling. It's hard to hold onto it.
((((happyflower))))
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
I called him this afternoon, after doing some reflection, and left him this message.
I said I was surprised that he had called, but I was glad that he did. I told him that he did hurt my feelings but I accept his apology. I told him that he has been very gracious with me when I have said or done something not nice to him, so the least I could do is extend it back to him. I told him that I hope to see you at the gym if not next year. Bye.
I feel better now, and If I do see him before my appointment, at least we both know we talked it out with voice machine tag, but at least the air is somewhat cleared. :) I still might squirt
him with some water at the gym though, just because I am a brat. LOL
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:18:34
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
Thanks Kim, nice to meet ya! :) I am glad you came out of lurker land! Thank you for your support. :)
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.