![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on November 17, 2005, at 13:24:39
We've been talking about my moving forward in my life. I tend to put off things I need to do and stay stuck. So lately the focus is on getting me to look for a different job. She asked why I don't take the steps (updating resume, etc) and I said just because it's unpleasant and creates anxiety and I'd rather avoid those feelings. She pointed out how much emotional pain I'm enduring by staying in the current job. Having to drag myself there everyday, bringing home upsets, frequently resentful, more and more symptoms of burnout. She's right. It really is to the point of causing quite a bit of misery. Not yet 100% all-day-long misery, but getting worse and worse by the week.
So why is it that enduring a fairly painful situation feels more OK than taking those few anxiety-provoking steps to get out of it?
Posted by Gee on November 17, 2005, at 13:49:04
In reply to Staying stuck vs Taking action, posted by Tabitha on November 17, 2005, at 13:24:39
It seems that fear of the unknown is always worse than the known evils.
It's hard to do things that cause anxiety, but try doing it in little steps. I find setting deadlines for myself is helpful.
Like updating your resume. Say, just do one section a night, or before you do something fun. Reward yourself for the things you don't like doing.
Good luck with it.
Posted by LadyBug on November 17, 2005, at 14:18:21
In reply to Re: Staying stuck vs Taking action, posted by Gee on November 17, 2005, at 13:49:04
I've been where your at and it seems easier to stay in the "he**" your in because at least your familar with the "he**" you've come to know so well. I agree if you take baby steps you can do it. I had to force myself to make a change in my life. I'd been at a miserable job for 23 years. My health forced me out.....depression and anxiety. My T. helped me gain enough self confidence to start somewhere to gain a different job. It took a lot of work on my part, but I returned to school in my 40's!!! I did ok, wish I'd gone longer, but I did get a job, the money wasn't that great, but my confidence in who I am grew tremendously!!!
So you don't have to conquer the world in a day, you can take it slow, but it can be done as long as your doing something productive each day or each week. You can get there!!! Go for it!!
LadyBug
Posted by allisonross on November 17, 2005, at 14:31:46
In reply to Staying stuck vs Taking action, posted by Tabitha on November 17, 2005, at 13:24:39
Hi, Tabitha: i think, because it is "comfortable" It is the known, versus....the unknown; always scary.
I am in the same situation; hate my job; nasty people...I lost my job at a university, and was put into one, not of my choosing...ucky!
I have to stay at the university, because of retirement, benefits, etc., but every day I look to see what is posted (at the university) for jobs. i will never give up!
Hang in there...little baby steps
Hugs, Ally
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2005, at 8:56:08
In reply to Staying stuck vs Taking action, posted by Tabitha on November 17, 2005, at 13:24:39
I think that for me, the small steps are hard to take because I can never just take a small step. I always build a huge structure of changes on top of it, complete with all the things that could go wrong.
I think my son's therapist has a good take on that. Modified, I think what she'd say is that preparing a resume is just preparing a resume. That's it. Just one step. And you can't build all sorts of extras on to it, because that's where we get in trouble.
So preparing a resume isn't all that scary, is it? It's just intimidating if you take it two or three steps ahead.
At least that's true of me.
Posted by Tabitha on November 19, 2005, at 11:04:43
In reply to Re: Staying stuck vs Taking action » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2005, at 8:56:08
Thanks for the support everyone. Do you think that's it, just comfort of the familiar vs unknown? I wonder if that tendency to prefer the known was more helpful when we were living in caves. Seems counter-productive in modern life.
And yes, it's less scary to think only one small step at a time. That's all a jobhunt is, one step (update resume) followed by another step (get interviews) followed by another (go on interviews, which can be further broken down into get dressed, drive to the building, walk inside, talk to person A, talk to person B, etc) followed by another (give notice, deal with boss and coworker's reactions) followed by another (endure last 2 weeks, try not to burn any bridges), followed by another (exit interview) followed by another (show up for 1st day of new job). The worst pieces there are dealing with bad interview situtions and the aftermath of giving notice. But I'm already ahead of myself, and besides I've done all those things before and survived. Back to Step 1: update resume.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.