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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on November 12, 2005, at 16:12:45
When you look into your T's eyes, what do you see? I think you can tell a lot from looking at the eyes. My T's eyes actually sparkle and they are so warm when I look into them. The last couple of months I have noticed this from him, and now I see it at the gym. At first he seemed a little causious at the gym, and now he looks at me with such warmness and I can see that he really likes me. To me the eyes are everything about a person. What do you think? Can you tell what a person thinks about you through their eyes?
Posted by allisonross on November 12, 2005, at 16:51:01
In reply to Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by happyflower on November 12, 2005, at 16:12:45
> Hey, Happy!
When you look into your T's eyes, what do you see?
I see sparkle, excitement, enjoyment, and warmth. Now if that ain't LOVE?!
I think you can tell a lot from looking at the eyes. My T's eyes actually sparkle and they are so warm when I look into them. The last couple of months I have noticed this from him, and now I see it at the gym. At first he seemed a little causious at the gym, and now he looks at me with such warmness and I can see that he really likes me. To me the eyes are everything about a person. What do you think?
Of course. "Eyes are the windows of the soul" and my t's windows are OPEN, LOL!
Can you tell what a person thinks about you through their eyes?
i think so!
In the same boat, Ally
Posted by daisym on November 12, 2005, at 18:07:39
In reply to Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by happyflower on November 12, 2005, at 16:12:45
I agree with you, you can tell what some people are feeling in their eyes. Which is why I'm always surprised when people say they don't look at their therapists. I scan constantly for flinching or signs of anger. I'm touched and frightened when I see his eyes fill with tears. And I love when he smiles all the way up into them. Here is a funny story -- the first year my therapist left on vacation he gave me a picture of himself, tucked into his talisman pouch. I noticed in this picture he had glasses on. I swear I couldn't remember that he had glasses! He has wireless rims and all that, but still. You'd think after a year I'd know for sure he wore glasses. I just was so intent at looking at his eyes that the glasses didn't register. He still teases me about that.
And I have to add, while the eyes are extremely important, the voice is at least equally so. So much is conveyed by the tone, volume and inflections -- even just the little noises of sympathy or laughter -- I think that is why I keep so many of his voice mail messages and listen to them over and over. Maybe that is why my therapist is so good on the phone; I can read his voice and find so much comfort there. It isn't just knowing what to say, it is knowing HOW to say it. :)
Posted by Dinah on November 12, 2005, at 21:54:09
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you? » happyflower, posted by daisym on November 12, 2005, at 18:07:39
We were talking sort of about this last session. About how I close my eyes during therapy. But I see soooo much better with my eyes close. I feel every slight posture change, note every vocal nuance, and sense the quality of every silence, and the nature of the space between us. I learn so much from how the space between us feels. When I try to keep my eyes open to visually take him in, I'm distracted enough by the visual stimuli to miss the nuances of everything that is going on.
He can be careful with his facial expression, he can control his voice, but nothing can mask the feel of the space between us.
My therapist says that not everyone sees better with their eyes closed. That's an odd notion to me.
I've been working hard to keep my eyes open and only sometimes averted with T3, so that she doesn't notice my oddity. I don't see her nearly as well as I could if I closed my eyes.
Posted by Dinah on November 12, 2005, at 21:56:42
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by Dinah on November 12, 2005, at 21:54:09
I can feel everytime he smiles, and everytime he suppresses a smile. He smiles an awful lot in session.
Posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 0:22:32
In reply to Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by happyflower on November 12, 2005, at 16:12:45
Hi HF,
Can I tell you something? I think you are getting very deeply involved with your T. It is time to talk about it in therapy. Plus, everytime you think of some action of his or some attribute of his, it is usually a good idea to not focus that much on him, and rather focus on what that means TO YOU - like understand what you like in a man, or understand what are the qualities you like etc.
I have a feeling that you are hoping for a relationship with him, and while it is quite definitely enjoyable, you should focus more on what therapy is meant for the leave the rest of the things for time to answer. That way, you will get the real work out of your therapy done.
Posted by happyflower on November 13, 2005, at 9:10:50
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you? » happyflower, posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 0:22:32
Orchid,
My real work in therapy is done with already. I have issues in my marriage, but i have done everything I can do right now, it is up to my DH. If nothing happens, then it will be up to be to issue ultimatiums to him. We have already made a plan of action in therapy for this if it comes to this.
He says I am doing very well and that is why my sessions are only once a month. He is there more for support than actual therapy.
I do have a outside relationship with him already, I see and talk to him at the gym.
I don't see why me appreciating things in him makes it wrong. I know what I want in a man, but it doesn't mean I can't like how he makes me feel or like who he is.
I know some of you have been burned from your T's and I can understand your negative or jeolous thoughts of maybe I do have a good thing with my T. This is why I thought I shouldn't post about this.
I am not going into this blind, I see everything everyone is saying, but I know my heart and I know he has feelings for me. Yes, we need to talk about this, and we will when the time is right. I will be okay, in fact my T said I was okay before therapy. He said I was doing a lot better than most even before therapy. So I can handle this. I am sorry if me posting about what I like about my T is bothering some of you. Maybe I shouldn't post at all anymore.
Posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 9:35:33
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you? » orchid, posted by happyflower on November 13, 2005, at 9:10:50
HF,
Sorry if my post offended you. I don't know if I am jealous, but maybe just way more cautious. But each case is different and the scenario and the rules should be different. So perhaps you and your T might be able to see it through without hurting you.Please do feel free to post. And if people wave caution, perhaps you can just take it as a warning and then proceed with your gut feelings but just remember the warnings.
Posted by Dinah on November 13, 2005, at 10:12:31
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you? » happyflower, posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 9:35:33
One thing I do sort of think is that therapists are very skilled at smiling with eyes, making a person feel important and cared for, etc. And that that can be confusing sometimes. And that we should always keep that in mind.
I'm not saying my therapist doesn't care about me, because I know he does. But he's waaaay different in email or on the phone when he doesn't clearly have his therapist hat on. He's more the flawed individual he is in his private life. I think we see Therapist and mistake it for who they are as people.
But I could be a bit jaded. What I always knew about my therapist has recently been confirmed. And while I still long for him in the therapeutic setting as my therapist/mommy, I am even more sure that that's the only place I want him. But you'd never guess that from when he has his therapy hat on.
So the caution to be cautious is very well founded.
Posted by happyflower on November 13, 2005, at 11:01:31
In reply to Re: Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by Dinah on November 13, 2005, at 10:12:31
>
> He's more the flawed individual he is in his private life. I think we see Therapist and mistake it for who they are as people.
>
Yeah, therapists have their own issues. I have seen my therpist being less than perfect when I see him at the gym. I have seen him overreact, and even though I thought is was kinda of funny to see him do this. I know what ruffles my T's feathers, he has told me. In fact I know a lot of his faults, either he had told me or I have seen them. I think my T has a temper, used to smoke and do drugs in his earlier life, his parents had a bad marriage, he takes beta blockers to help with his anxiety with public speaking, has prostate problems, maybe even libeto problems, worries about his relationship with his daughter, worries about his health, been very poor while going to school, etc. There are tons more less than perfect stuff he has, just like everyone else. But I see a lot of his good things about him too. I have known some other T's and their life is just as messed up as ours can be. Thanks for your cautions, Dinah, I always go into situations with my guard up and my eyes open. :)
Posted by kerria on November 15, 2005, at 13:14:53
In reply to Do your T's eyes smile at you?, posted by happyflower on November 12, 2005, at 16:12:45
Yes i guess one can tell a lot from looking into someone's eyes.
No. My T's eyes never 'smile' warmly at me.'i always wonder when i read sometimes, how do you find a T that is like that? My T is nothing like that at all. i always wonder, does it mean that i don't 'connect' or maybe that my T doesn't like me?
take care,
kerria
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