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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 8:20:39
Hi all,
I've been in therapy now for 2 and 1/2 years and have been thinking more about ending therapy with my wonderful T in spring 2006 or so. I'm not really sure if it's best to bring up this subject now or when we are getting closer to that time? How does one usually approach therapy termination w/their T?
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 6, 2005, at 11:55:36
In reply to Bringing up Termination, posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 8:20:39
You didn't say, but I'm assuming that you have gotten a lot out of your therapy, and are feeling well enough to consider terminaton. I don't think six months is too long at all to bring up the subject. Once it's out there, there is so much to talk about- sadness about leaving him(her?), what you have gained, what you would still like to work on as you continue growing on your own.
Posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 16:33:11
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination » Augustina, posted by Pfinstegg on November 6, 2005, at 11:55:36
Yes, I believe I have grown a great deal in therapy. I don't know 100% though if it is indeed the "right" time for me to terminate...I think it's just something I've been exploring within myself. I'm also wondering if these termination thoughts also stem from some resistance on my part of wanting to dig deeper in therapy. I think I go back and forth on this...
Is there a way for me to find out if I am indeed ready to "fly solo", so to speak? I know, it's probably something I need to discuss with my therapist.
Thank-you for your advice, Pfinstegg. I think I have some fear of bringing it up to him though b/c then it will seem so final and inevitable. That's a bit scary.
Posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 17:40:22
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination » Pfinstegg, posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 16:33:11
Hi -
I think deciding to end your theraputic relationship is a difficult one, and yes, a topic to discuss with your therapist. I have brought up the topic with my T, just so I would understand how she handles it. And I felt better knowing that it's a process (for her) that is done over a large amount of time ... maybe a year.I was happy to hear that she doesn't feel I'm ready just yet because I'm still attached and still want to work with her on that ... besides a host of other issues.
It's nice that you are feeling better and are considering it. So I do think it a worthwhile conversation to have, even if it's 6 months down the road. That will give you and your therapist plenty of time to explore your reasons for ending therapy now --- either you are ready -- or --- resistance of digging deeper (boy I do know that feeling).
You mention that you are exploring this within yourself. Maybe it's time to explore this with your T. It doens't mean he/she will say "okay, let's end this", rather, it will be like you suggested, a topic for you to explore together. Good Luck.
Posted by Augustina on November 7, 2005, at 10:25:10
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination, posted by Annierose on November 6, 2005, at 17:40:22
Thanks Annie.
I think this will be a difficult subject for me to even bring up w/my T! I'm just wondering how you brought it up to yours. My thought is to maybe bring the topic up in a hypothetical way or maybe saying something like, "how do I know if I'm ready to end therapy?"I feel like i'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should but I guess closure and goodbyes are hard for me to initiate.
Posted by Rigby on November 7, 2005, at 12:00:10
In reply to Bringing up Termination, posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 8:20:39
Hi Augustina,
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your therapist so that's wonderful. And the fact that you are beginnning to think about termination means it's definitely something to talk about.
I am greatful you brought this topic up because I'm in a similar situation! I've made some huge advances these past six months after four years in therapy and I mentioned something to my therapist about possibly not needing to come anymore and, to my huge surprise she agreed that we should start talking about it after the first of the year.
I guess the point of this is that I think if *you* feel you might be ready, chances are your therapist will agree. If in your heart of hearts you aren't, your therapist may guide you to understanding that you're not ready.
I found this article online which was sort of helpful: http://psychcentral.com/library/therapy.html
It'd make for a great board--the topic of leaving therapy, don't you think?
Rigby
> I've been in therapy now for 2 and 1/2 years and have been thinking more about ending therapy with my wonderful T in spring 2006 or so. I'm not really sure if it's best to bring up this subject now or when we are getting closer to that time? How does one usually approach therapy termination w/their T?
>
Posted by Shortelise on November 7, 2005, at 12:50:10
In reply to Bringing up Termination, posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 8:20:39
You could talk about thinking about this, you know what I mean? It will bring it to the fore, you can explore why you are thinking about it, and deciding to terminate does not mean you have to terminate. You can decide to go to less sessions and see how it feels.
I find it best to talk about it with my T.
Posted by annierose on November 7, 2005, at 12:51:51
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination » Annierose, posted by Augustina on November 7, 2005, at 10:25:10
Hi again -
I don't remember exactly how I brought it up, but it something along the lines of:(in the midst of rambling) ... "I'm so attached to you. How will I ever be able to end this relaionship, how will I know when I'm ready? Will I ever be ready? Will you let me know?"
After these 20 questions without a pause, she paused, and gave her thoughtful reply. I think I'll stay around for at least another year before terminating. I wasn't "attached" to neither parent growing up (they were unavailable to me), so this therapy business is important to me right now.
Good luck and let me know if you do bring it up, how it goes.
Posted by Augustina on November 7, 2005, at 15:27:48
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination, posted by Rigby on November 7, 2005, at 12:00:10
Thanks Rigby.
The link you provided is actually a very helpful one.I plan to talk about my thoughts of our therapy ending at my next appt. this week. It'll be interesting to see what he has to say about this. I think just the fact that I'm the one bringing it up to him shows me that I've progressed and matured (somewhat) over the last couple of years.
Usually I'm not so "proactive".
Posted by Augustina on November 7, 2005, at 15:29:34
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination » Augustina, posted by Shortelise on November 7, 2005, at 12:50:10
Yes Shortelise,
I agree. I will definitely tell him that I've been thinking about this. Not an easy thing for me to do, but I know he'd want to talk about it.
Thanks!
Posted by Augustina on November 7, 2005, at 15:31:53
In reply to Re: Bringing up Termination » Augustina, posted by annierose on November 7, 2005, at 12:51:51
I will definitely let you know what happens.
I'm thankful I don't need to rush into anything...
I just wanted to "put it out there", I guess.Thanks again!
Posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 10:37:53
In reply to Bringing up Termination, posted by Augustina on November 6, 2005, at 8:20:39
And so we're going to "work" towards ending my therapy in the next 6months or so. My T seemed a little surprised at my bringing this up to him. He said that this is a goal we can work towards and if the time came and I didn't feel 100% ready to end, then I didn't have to. I liked that he's leaving this open...makes me feel a little less pressure, I guess.
At the same time, I'm starting to prepare for the actual separation and have been thinking a lot of the relationship we've built in the last 2+ years. I think this is something I'd like to talk to him about at our next session b/c I didn't really convey to him how difficult termination will be for me. I think I gave him the impression that I was a bit neutral-feeling about it.
In actuality, my T is one of the most important people in my life right now...but knowing me, I would never tell him that.
Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2005, at 10:48:01
In reply to I brought it up..., posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 10:37:53
I'm glad it worked out well for you.
I think that would be a very important and generous thing to tell him. It would also be courageous, since I think most of us are scared witless to let therapists know how important they are to us.
Posted by Annierose on November 14, 2005, at 17:14:10
In reply to I brought it up..., posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 10:37:53
Are you happy about how it went? Six months gives you plenty of time to see if you are comfortable with terminating and moving forward. It's nice that he let you know that it will be okay to change your mind.
And I agree with Dinah, it's important to let him know that this isn't going to be easy for you, that he is important. I do let my T know how important she is and it's not easy, but worth it, I think.
Posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 19:46:36
In reply to Re: I brought it up... » Augustina, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2005, at 10:48:01
Thank-you for the encouragement.
I really would like to take more risks in expressing the gratitude and feelings I have towards my T and actually talking about them in our sessions. I have always tip-toed around this area or just simply left it out of our interactions all together. I know I can't be the only client who feels just slightly vulnerable whenever I even give my T even the slightest hint that I may actually feel an attatchment towards him.
I will give this a try.
Posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 20:00:36
In reply to Re: I brought it up... » Augustina, posted by Annierose on November 14, 2005, at 17:14:10
Yes Annie, I am pleased with how it went. My T actually seemed a little surprised by my bringing up termination so it didn't seem as if he had this idea on his mind. In a way that made me feel a little relieved too.
I will definitely talk to him further about what the last couple of years have meant to me. Just thinking about the next 6months and the possibility of not seeing him again saddens me. I think that's why I try to put on this poker face, this air of neutrality...that ending really isn't a big deal. I know I'm not fooling anybody with that though (or helping myself either).
May I ask how your T responds to you when you let her know how you feel about her? do you usually receive a response that makes you feel even more connected with your T?
Posted by Annierose on November 14, 2005, at 20:54:36
In reply to Re: I brought it up... » Annierose, posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 20:00:36
Yes, I think I do feel that I leave feeling good about sharing my feelings. However, right now I'm in the midst of self-wallowing, so it's a little hard to be objective : -) My T is psychodynamic in orientation, so the relationship between client and therapist is one of the main focuses of the therapy. Today she tried very hard to let me know that I mattered to her; I guess it's hard for the hurt little girl inside my head to believe it.
So, in answer to your question, I think your T would welcome your feelings. It will be interesting to explore and it's definitely worth it.
Oh --- you asked how she responds to my comments. Hmmmm, sometimes she just smiles and reassures me, "It's hard letting me know how important I am to you right now." She never makes me feel bad or ickky.
This is the end of the thread.
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