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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
I have been doing DBT for 1 and 1/2 years and still have big doubts. It has been somewhat helpful. As I have said my T. is the ice queen. I wonder if this is a part of the DBT therapy. Anyone with info. Please help. I do not want to get anymore messed up then I am. terrics
Posted by fairywings on September 29, 2005, at 22:03:12
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
Hey terrics,
I feel for you, I've been there. I can't imagine doing therapy with someone who is cold again. Why don't you look up the methodology online and see if you think she fits with what's prescribed. I don't think it is. I think I'd be looking for someone more compassionate.
I'm not borderline, I have anxiety and ADD, but I really like my new T, he's so warm and accepting. I don't know if you read any of my old posts, but my ex T was ..... shall we say "harsh" ; ). I liked him, but he actually said some pretty mean stuff to me. I had to work with someone else because my anxiety level got so high I was clenching my teeth at night and my skin would get all prickly b4 my appts. and I'd get anxiety attacks. It wasn't good. Now I feel accepted and......like a have a caring parent or welcoming friend or something, someone who genuinely cares about what I have to say.
I hope you'll consider finding someone else, or at least trying someone else.
fw
Posted by greyskyeyes on September 30, 2005, at 9:44:06
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
I agree with fw... it's important to have someone who is compassionate. IMHO, coldness doesn't fit with therapy. You need to trust the person and feel like they care about you (even if professionally), no matter what type of therapy you are doing, and how can you trust someone if they are the "ice queen"? (love your terminology, BTW)
I haven't tried DBT myself. Traditional psychoanalytical therapy seems to be working so far. Although it has DBT-esque elements to it... I often bring in difficult situations which I have encountered (see above post) and we discuss what led up to it, what was going through my head, how I got to the state I did, and how I could react differently the next time. But the psychoanalytical part is equally important, I think. BPD is largely a part of environment of origin, and can be overcome (eventually). At least that's what I've been told... hard to believe sometimes. So examining what led you to develop BPD is helpful b/c it helps to come to terms with the past and "move on", so to speak. Does that make sense? I have a hard time explaining concepts sometimes.
Maybe you could find a T who combines methodologies?
~ grey
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 30, 2005, at 10:06:44
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
I don't know all that much abt DBT, but I had a thought thay I wanted to share. I know that an important part of DBT's success is the therapist having very good boundaries. I wonder if in your T's case, that comes off as being icy.
I think you should bring up this issue with her. Tell her that you would like her to clarify what is part of the tx and what is part of her style and if she thinks you would do better with a T who was a "better fit."
I also know that even DBT's founder says that it is a long process. I don't think that it is surprising that you feel frustrated with where you are after 1.5 yrs. Bring that up with w/ you T too. I think that is not uncommon.
Sorry to hear that you are feeling frustrated. Hope that something I said was helpful.
Best,
EE
Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2005, at 3:38:20
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
Hey there. I have been searching through the archives (on a couple of occasions) for a reply that I thought I wrote to one of your posts on the 'ice queen' though I can't seem to find it and I'm starting to wonder whether I am imagining things...
I did DBT for 1 year.
At the time...
I HATED group therapy. Really. Really Really REALLY. But in hindsight... I learned a lot of useful coping strategies. I was something of a non-participator in group. But they eventually got used to that about me and I was fairly fortunate that a couple of the other members were fairly hard to shut up so there wasn't too much pressure on me. And when there was pressure on me... Well... I dug my heels in, basically. I did not want to share personal stuff in group. They just had to respect that. But that being said I really tried to take what I could from it in terms of skills. And I did learn a lot from the other people there. I learned a lot from their successes and their follies. But I did hate having to go at the time...>As I have said my T. is the ice queen. I wonder if this is a part of the DBT therapy.
About here I have to say I agree with EE. Being an ice queen is not at all a pre-requisite for being a DBT therapist. But having good boundaries is. And maintaining good boundaries can be a very hard thing to do indeed.
And so what I was saying to you in that other imaginary post... Was about what you said about (and you will have to excuse my memory here)... about getting the urge to provoke a response from her... And sort of poking at her and evoking a negative response because that is better than nothing. Because what that does... Is it HURTS her a little. And I do understand that you don't really mean to hurt her it is just that it can be so damned hard to pour your guts to someone who seems to lack emotional responses altogether and so damned reassuring to get SOMETHING, ANYTHING in response - though of course what you really want is a POSITIVE response.
But the poking...
Has the effect of hurting...
Which is likely to have the effect of her rigidifying her boundaries
Her removing herself from you even more
In self protection.Make sense?
Personally...
I think it could be really very worthwhile to try and explain that to her. About how you perceive her as cold and distant and unaffected. And about how hard that is for you. And that you respond to that by poking...
Because there is stuff there that could be really helpful...
She might not realise
She might be flattered that you want a positive response from her
Therapy is hard...
DBT can be hard...
But I have to say...
That it is about a million times better than traditional CBT (in my humble opinion)
And so it is well worth hanging in there.And I really think this is worth sorting out.
In fact...
I reckon it counts as therapy interfearing behaviour
(From both you and your t)
And so that warrants second place on the agenda
So you really should bring that up
Posted by fairywings on October 3, 2005, at 6:53:10
In reply to Curious/anyone really have DBT succes, posted by terrics on September 28, 2005, at 11:46:44
> I have been doing DBT for 1 and 1/2 years and still have big doubts. It has been somewhat helpful. As I have said my T. is the ice queen. I wonder if this is a part of the DBT therapy. Anyone with info. Please help. I do not want to get anymore messed up then I am. terrics
Hi terrics
found this link, doesn't sound like cold is supposed to be a part of DBT, and this is from Linehan, and she's the one who came up with DBT:
http://www.priory.com/dbt.htmfw
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