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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fairywings on September 3, 2005, at 5:35:52
In reply to Re: Two days now, posted by 10derHeart on September 3, 2005, at 0:23:45
I agree with daisy and 10der about the emails, esp since you've been with him so long. And, he'd probably have Dianah withdrawl too if he doesn't hear from you. sending (((hugs)))
fw
Posted by terrics on September 3, 2005, at 12:22:06
In reply to I wish I were dead, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2005, at 2:36:16
Dinah, I had no idea what had happened to you. It must be terrifying to lose everything. I pray that some how you don't lose your T. too. terrics
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
In reply to Re: I wish I were dead » Dinah, posted by terrics on September 3, 2005, at 12:22:06
And I emailed him today saying telephone or email session would be fine. No response.
On top of that, one disaster after another is piling up on us in the evacuation. My nerves are at the breaking point, and did in fact break today, causing my son no end of embarassment publicly. Again. :(
I guess I should cold call therapists around here, or else call the hot line. I hate to bother them when so many people have it so much worse. But...
I'm reaching the end of my rope.
(We did find our inlaws after spending a day searching shelters. They're with us now.)
I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:03:31
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
> I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
Dinah? I just don't think that's realistic. I know reassurances from me won't help, nothing really will until you hear from him. But you two have a history, he knows your fears, and that you trust him, you trust him to be honest with you.
If he's any kind of therapist at all, he would know that not being direct with you, if he considers you to be an ex-client, would be one of the worst things he could do. I don't believe he would do that. He knows that you're in crisis, and though he is too, he also knows that feelings don't just shut off out of convenience (or there would be no need for therapists!) so how could he possibly:
1. Think of you as an ex-client, when he hasn't told you, or in fact would have been leading you on by talking about phone or e sessions.2. Think that you're "bugging him" at a time like this? Like your problems were serious enough to warrant his attention before, but now you should be able to handle things on your own?
He's very human, as you've said, but he's not stupid.Time is relative in times of crisis, or when someone is busy, it can seem to be nothing when you're the one preoccupied, but forever to the person waiting on your reply. He's taken time to get back to you before, when things in his life were normal!
This is truly what I'm thinking, I would never say it, just to try and make you feel better.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 18:22:24
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:03:31
Thanks, Gabbi. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I *am* unreasonable right now.
I'm about to take a nap, but I'll tell you later all the pileup of problems.
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
In reply to Re: Three days now » Gabbix2, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 18:22:24
> Thanks, Gabbi. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I *am* unreasonable right now.
>I think right now the word unreasonable is meaningless.
> I'm about to take a nap, but I'll tell you later all the pileup of problems.
Your entire year has been one pile-up of heartbreak.
"Spirits are resiliant things"
"Evil will always Lose"
Now, that I trust because it was said by another woman who is a hero of mine, Miep Gies, at age 98. I believe She's earned the right to make statements like that.
I love you Dinah
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 3, 2005, at 19:21:53
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
Dinah, I'm so sorry this catastrophe has happened to you. Do you know much about the losses and personal struggles your therapist is enduring? He may not be able to move temporarily, the way you, your husband and son are able to- to connected jobs and schools elsewhere- until you are able to return. He may be desperately looking for a place in which he can see patients, and may have lost his house, either temporarily or permanently.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:46:55
In reply to Re: Three days now » Gabbix2, posted by Pfinstegg on September 3, 2005, at 19:21:53
Yes, I do know. We were in contact, and also he lives about ten blocks from me. I've seen satellite pictures of his house. He's out for as long as we are. I also know about what his short term plans are.
I'm not being inconsiderate to him.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
I love you too, Gabbi.
I don't know what I'd do without you guys. You've all pulled me from the brink of despair a few times.
Posted by AuntieMel on September 3, 2005, at 20:05:15
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
I've been wanting to post, but I'm afraid I just don't know what to say.
Words escape me now (odd, isn't it).
But you know my place is your place.
Posted by Annierose on September 3, 2005, at 20:16:05
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
Oh Dinah -
I know it doesn't make you feel any better to know that we'd all be at the end of our rope to lose so much, to be displaced, and to lose the constant contact and support of our therapists. It is hell, but I know you have the strength to persevere. But like therapy, this transition will be a tedious and slow process.
If I could, I'd like to be your advance team for your new temporary home. I'd fill your cupboard with dishes and food, make the beds, put fresh flowers in each room and bake chocolate chip cookies. Garden girl would be recruited to insure all the garden beds are weeded, trimed and watered.
It's only natural to guess what your T is thinking. But I don't think he is avoiding you. I think he is in shock. Distracted. And trying to figure things out. His e-mail message to you was very positive; he wants to continue being your therapist. Remember he refered to you as "an important link" to his life.
However, until he does call to arrange a session, it's okay to call for additional support. There is nothing wrong with that. I would call in a second. Afterall, you need all the support you can gather right now.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I know how painful it is. I am so glad you found your in-laws.
I went to a college football game today, a stadium 100,000+ people. They asked for a moment of silence to pray for the people affected by Katrina. I was moved to tears. Within 2 seconds, the place went completely quiet ... could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was emotional. I wish you could feel our love and support.
Annierose
Posted by Tamar on September 3, 2005, at 20:33:12
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
> And I emailed him today saying telephone or email session would be fine. No response.
He might be taking it pretty hard. Or he might be really busy trying to deal with practical things. I’m sure he’ll contact you as soon as he’s able to.
> On top of that, one disaster after another is piling up on us in the evacuation. My nerves are at the breaking point, and did in fact break today, causing my son no end of embarassment publicly. Again. :(
Don’t be too hard on yourself, OK? I can imagine that most people affected by this find their nerves are at breaking point.
> I guess I should cold call therapists around here, or else call the hot line. I hate to bother them when so many people have it so much worse. But...
>
> I'm reaching the end of my rope.You are a priority; you have a pre-existing illness that may need attention. You aren’t bothering anyone if you call them. If you need to call someone, you’re allowed!
> (We did find our inlaws after spending a day searching shelters. They're with us now.)
I’m glad you found them. That must have been a huge worry.
> I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
I very much doubt he’s thinking of you as an ex-client. I really don’t think he’d let you go that easily. And I doubt he thinks you’re bugging him. But perhaps he has to spend a few days getting his own stuff sorted out before he’ll be in a position to be able to help… It’s a strange and unusual situation to be in, for everyone. I’m sure he’ll be there for you, but it might take a little while. I hope he gets in contact with you soon. If you’re really at the end of your rope, I hope you can find some kind of temporary help.
Again, if there’s anything at all I can do, just say the word.
Much love,
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
hey. sorry i've been pretty quiet... i don't know what to say. i really don't. but i'm really glad that others are doing better there. dinah, i'm so sorry. and aside from that i am really struggling.
but i do care and my thoughts are definately with you
((((dinah))))
and of course
((((dinah's t)))))
Posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56
Oh Dinah. I'm sorry he hasn't been back in touch. I could speculate about all kinds of reasons, but I won't. I do know it's NOT because he thinks you are bothering him or because he no longers wants to be your T. But who knows what's going on with him and trying to deal with this? And who knows how he's handling it emotionally? It really really stinks that the one person you would need more than anyone else at this time is also in crisis.
Please do consider getting backup. I'm sure in this case he would not consider it to be seeing 2 T's as he's objected to before. And whenever he's available again, you'll be ready.
(((((dinah)))))
Still thinking of you.
gg
Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06
That if something happens to him, I'd never know. Maybe not even when I get home.
It's almost easier to worry that I'm terminated.
Posted by fallsfall on September 4, 2005, at 10:17:28
In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08
That is a scary thought. That even though he intends to continue being your therapist, that things out of his control might happen to him. I can understand why that would feel awful to you. And communications are harder than usual. So it would be harder to hear about things.
But let's look at what we know. We know that he evacuated the area successfully. That he has been OK - you know this because he did email you. So, as far as the hurricane, he is safe. And from what you have told me about him, he won't have gone back into the area (first because noone is allowed back in yet, and second it sounds to me like he won't go back to assess the damage right away). So can you feel reasonably comfortable that even though Katrina wrecked chaos on your town that he is safe from *that* chaos?
He is not likely to be homeless or starving. He probably has credit cards, so even if his bank is not operating, his credit cards will be. And he is a resourceful person. He'll be able to figure out how to be OK in the short term.
But there are "normal" risks to people every day. This is true. And it IS possible that something could happen to him. But I think that it is unlikely. He doesn't have any chronic conditions that I know of. And I assume that he is smart enough that if he did have a medical problem that he would go to the ER. You have mentioned that his daughter has some problems of some sort - perhaps he is tied up in taking care of her.
It is always possible that something will happen to anyone at anytime. That is part of being human. But I don't think that his risk right now is much higher than it usually is. I'm sure he is just trying to get some of his affairs in order. You know how busy that can make people! You have told me that you are amazed at how much you need to be doing. He is doing those things, too.
He will be OK, Dinah. I'm 99.44% sure.
You need to take care of yourself so that you will be OK, too.
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 4, 2005, at 12:35:02
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:46:55
In catastrophes like the one you and your therapist are enduring, I think communication about (necessarily temporary) plans helps so much. It gives you something to hold on to, while some of the bigger problems just can't begin to be solved yet. Can you let us know what his short-term plans are?- you did say you knew about them.
If you and your family are going to evacuate for work and school hundreds of miles away, that may be a huge source of anxiety and feelings of loss for you. That may feel like abandonment and termination all rolled into one.
Thinking of you a lot, Dinah. There aren't really any words for how devastating this is.
Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 12:49:15
In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08
His wife apparently needed him because he couldn't talk long. But he's ok, and we talked about evacuation stuff. He said I could call him, and he'd try to call me back. I had sent him my new cell number.
He didn't say what his plans were, or if he'd continue to see me. But he did ask me about my plans.
I feel better that he's ok anyway, and that he knows my number. I know from what he did say that he'll be busy for a few days, but he called and he sounds ok.
Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 12:51:06
In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08
I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this worry on top of all of the worry you have with your home and your job and your family. I'm sure your T has got to be concerned about how you're coping with all of this too, and it's probably pretty important that you're upfront with him when you do have contact so he understand where you are, and has enough contact with you. Keep us posted on what you hear. I'm thinking about you!
fw
Posted by Annierose on September 4, 2005, at 13:39:09
In reply to He called, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 12:49:15
Dinah -
It must be a huge source of relief!! I wish you had more time to talk, darn those pesty wives. Hold on to all the hope, strength and courage you can gather.
Annie
Posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2005, at 16:43:33
In reply to Re: He called ... YES! » Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 4, 2005, at 13:39:09
I'm so glad he called, Dinah. Now you know he's okay, and he hasn't terminated you. I completely believe that he would tell you if he had made that decision. But it does sound like you both need some time to get "back to normal" as much as you can.
I know you've been busy with all of those details. I hope you can try to keep focusing on putting one foot in front of the other for the time being. There will be a time to grieve all that is lost, and you and he can and will probably do that together.
In the meantime, if you want me to try to get you some names of emergency back-up therapists, please let me know.
(((dinah)))gg
Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 17:24:35
In reply to Re: He called ... YES!, posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2005, at 16:43:33
Thanks, gg. I was considering looking some up, but I really don't know where we'll be even by the end of next week. My son's school is trying to make arrangements which would make it most advantageous to be in Houston. Several of my husband's coworkers currently are working at the Houston location, but word has it that the company may assign locations. They'd better do it in a darn hurry, because those kids really do need to be in school. And my work is making plans that will probably make it most advantageous for me to be at a completely different location altogether. And of course, I don't know if my therapist's shortish term or long term plans have changed.
But at least we both still have jobs. That's more than most people can say. At least one of my coworkers may not be coming back at all, because her husband was laid off by this and may get a job elsewhere.
I'm definitely looking into the possibility, if it's best for my therapist. And I might even call the hotline, although I'm sure they're busy with people in far direr straits than mine.
Two N.O. police officers have taken their own lives. They mayor is trying to get the remaining officers rotated out for a rest and evaluation. There are people far more in need than I am.
I'm also much stronger than I used to be, thank heavens. And thank my therapist. I'm not sure another therapist is what I need, or if it could approximate the comfort and safety I feel from even not particularly therapeutic fellow-evacuee contact from my therapist. But if it's best for him, and if he isn't planning on terminating me, I would certainly make those arrangements as needed.
I'm worried about my son, too. He's been remarkably blase about everything, but curled up in the corner crying over a reprimand from my husband today. He hasn't done that since he started seeing his play therapist. We tried to talk to him, but he's being his usual clamshell self. Sigh. I love that he tries so hard to be good, but it takes such a toll on him.
Posted by Racer on September 4, 2005, at 21:51:12
In reply to Re: He called ... YES! » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 17:24:35
>
>
> I'm definitely looking into the possibility, if it's best for my therapist. And I might even call the hotline, although I'm sure they're busy with people in far direr straits than mine.Dinah, how many times do I need to repeat this: There Is NO Heirarchy Of Suffering! You are in as much need as some who've lost more than everything, and deserve it no less. Heck, Woman -- I'll bet there are crisis call center personnel who would LOVE to get a call from someone who wanted to vent about her therapist and whether she'd see him again soon, or about how much she loves her good little boy, but worries about him. After some of the horror stories they must be hearing right now, I'll bet someone would consider you a gift from the cosmos.
>
> Two N.O. police officers have taken their own lives. They mayor is trying to get the remaining officers rotated out for a rest and evaluation. There are people far more in need than I am.See above. And what a tragedy about the police officers. The situation we're seeing on the news is horrifying -- more so since the need for more emergency planning was apparently so well known.
>
> I'm also much stronger than I used to be, thank heavens. And thank my therapist.That's so good to hear. You had a lot to do with it, too, which you should keep in mind when you start to feel down.
>
> I'm worried about my son, too. He's been remarkably blase about everything, but curled up in the corner crying over a reprimand from my husband today. He hasn't done that since he started seeing his play therapist. We tried to talk to him, but he's being his usual clamshell self. Sigh. I love that he tries so hard to be good, but it takes such a toll on him.Can you find him some help right away? Someone he can talk to without worrying about being good? Or can his Mommy just tell him that she's proud of him for trying so hard, but it's OK to tell her that he's scared, or to cry on her shoulder? Maybe just tell him that she's worried about him because he must be scared but is being so quiet? (I don't know how old he is -- I had that talk with my former step-Sunshine when he was turning 13.)
All my best, Dinah. Take good care of yourself, and ask for as much as you need right now. The crisis centers are there for you, we're here for you, and love on those men of yours.
Posted by crushedout on September 5, 2005, at 0:39:36
In reply to Butting in to bully you » Dinah, posted by Racer on September 4, 2005, at 21:51:12
It was you who recently reminded me that there was "no hierarchy of suffering" (as Racer says) and so that I was allowed to post/care about my seemingly petty problems (compared to yours). Remember?Your needs are your needs. And your needs are real and they are serious.
People handle different things differently, and you are one of those people that handles things best with a certain level of support. As long as that's available to you, you deserve to take advantage of it. Don't you forget it.
Posted by sunny10 on September 6, 2005, at 11:35:57
In reply to Dinah, posted by crushedout on September 5, 2005, at 0:39:36
I am really glad to hear that your husband's job is still safe.
I am really glad to hear that you heard from T and he is well, though distracted. And who can blame him?
I also agree that there is no hierarchy for suffering. Find yourself any kind of support that you can. Think of the hotline calls as a public service action!! You feel good, then you take care of everybody around you. See, public service!
Thinking of you,
Sunny10
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