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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
I have noticed that I am a very agreeable person. And I agree with alomost everything my therapist says. Not everything, but a lot of things. I believe this stems from my fear of failure and embarrassment of being wrong. What if I have my own ideas about things and they turn out to be wrong? I would like to get over this fear of failure.
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2005, at 16:35:09
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
My therapist is an idiot sometimes.
Why don't you try out disagreeing *with* your therapist. It seems like a good place to try out the skills.
I've always been disagreeable, so it was no stretch for me.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 13, 2005, at 17:05:50
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
I don't think there is any shame in being wrong. If you have an idea that you quite like then you will always be a bit wedded to it. If you talk it out then that process of elaboration might clarify the idea and you might be able to learn something new as you think it through and someone else can offer suggestions too. It is true that it might turn out that it doesn't make much sense or work very wekk after all - but then you won't be so wedded to the idea anymore. And you will be more open to alternative suggestions which is learning something new as well.
I think peoples attitudes can vary a bit with respect to how they take it when someone disagrees with them. If you present your views dogmatically then you are more likely to get criticism, if you present your views as a suggestion or just as something that you have been wondering about then people are more likely to try and follow you along and maybe help with clarifying or adding to what you are saying.
Posted by Fallsfall on August 13, 2005, at 18:34:55
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
I know that fear of failure.
Over time I have found that I can disagree with my therapist, and it all does work out OK. This was important for me to learn. I guess that it took something that I cared about a lot to make me disagree the first time.
However, I will say that usually when I disagree with him he ends up being right...
Posted by javableue on August 13, 2005, at 19:31:57
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
Oh, goodness, yes. He's been known to say I've made his day on those occasions when I actually agree with him. :-)
Usually our disagreements are such that we can't immediately determine who is right, but occasionally it becomes clear that one or the other is. I've found it to be great practice in continuing to work with someone even in the case of conflict, and in handling the fact that I'm wrong without feeling ashamed/the fact that he's wrong without losing trust in him if it's not justified.
Posted by Shortelise on August 13, 2005, at 20:11:35
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
Therapy is the place where you CAN try out being wrong. And being right, half right, half wrong, etc.
Could the two of you try talking about things he says, and you use your imagination to try to think of another way seeing it? Sort of practice finding him wrong?
I hope you've talked to him/her about feeling you are afraid of being wrong. That sounds like the best place to start.
I think it's great that you can see this about yourself. It's sometimes things like this, things that really influence a lot that remain most difficult to see.
Another things about being agreable is the pikcing of one's battles. You might just not bother with things that dont' matter.Also, unlike ME, you might not feel a need to be right, or even feel a need to have an opinion. We live among a tyranny of opnions, and many of them have no meaning or use at all.
ShortE
Posted by Declan on August 13, 2005, at 21:54:42
In reply to Re: Do you ever disagree with your therapist? » Angela2, posted by Shortelise on August 13, 2005, at 20:11:35
Hey, that was great, SE. I mean when you said "we live among a tyranny of opinions and many of them have no meaning or use at all."
But on disagreeing with your therapist Angela, *sometimes* I would be so angry from the previous session that I would sit in complete silence for the whole hour, and then the session would be over. It was acutely painful. Maybe you are not having to deal with (greatly) negative feelings, for whatever reason.
Declan
Posted by madeline on August 14, 2005, at 10:32:44
In reply to Good grief, yes., posted by Dinah on August 13, 2005, at 16:35:09
Your post actually made me laugh out loud.
I really like my therapist, but sometimes what comes out of that man's mouth is just the biggest load of crap I have ever heard.
Too funny.
Posted by Dinah on August 14, 2005, at 13:16:53
In reply to Re: Good grief, yes., posted by madeline on August 14, 2005, at 10:32:44
:-)
Same here. He's into psychobabble sometimes (not the site, but the real thing). And even he has to laugh when I actually make him listen to what he's saying.
But he takes it well, I must say.
And he's learned to preface the stupid sounding stuff with "Ok, I know this sounds stupid..."
Posted by daisym on August 14, 2005, at 16:53:28
In reply to Re: Good grief, yes. » madeline, posted by Dinah on August 14, 2005, at 13:16:53
I roll my eyes and say, "did you really think that would work with me?"
He has the grace to laugh and say, "it was worth a try..."
My favorite thing is when he says, "what aren't you talking about?" And I respond, "now that's cheating. If I told you then I'd be talking about it, wouldn't I?"
Unfortunately, he then jumps in with,"ah ha! there *IS* something you're holding back..."
:( Can't win.
Posted by 10derHeart on August 14, 2005, at 23:07:33
In reply to Re: Good grief, yes. » madeline, posted by Dinah on August 14, 2005, at 13:16:53
My, that's good, Dinah. You've got him even more well-trained than I realized. :-)
In my therapy relationships, seems I'm the only one ever saying, "Ok, I know this sounds stupid..." :-( But then, feeling stupid, wondering if I'm stupid, being scared to death to look, act or feel stupid is an absolutely huge, ongoing issue for me in life.
I can't really figure how I got this way, either. Isn't that stupid? ;-)
Posted by Poet on August 16, 2005, at 20:00:36
In reply to Do you ever disagree with your therapist?, posted by Angela2 on August 13, 2005, at 16:18:16
Hi Angela,
All the time. I tell her, too. She tells me that I am stubborn. Well, tell me something that I don't know?
Poet
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