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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
I had called yesterday to leave him a message that I wasn't going to be angry today so if he felt defensive going in, he didn't need to.
He thought that was funny and teased me all session about it.
He also said it's possible that he feels stressed before a trip, and that that's the reason we tend to have a big fight right before he goes, no matter how careful I try to be. Which was nice of him.
I did end up telling him that I loved him as a person, as well as as my therapist mommy. And he didn't make it into anything icky. I told him I worried about telling him, even though he likely already knew, because it felt intrusive. He said if someone was going to be intrusive, letting someone know that you care for or love them was among the nicer ways.
I talked about that thing I do in therapy. He thinks the energy we've created over the years is what makes that state possible.
And since we still had forty minutes left (slowest session I ever had), we talked about Ms. Lott coming. I said that I thought we had kept pretty good boundaries, and he said that was most likely why we had kept a good relationship for ten years. And I told him that although we clients knew that, it didn't feel so good to hear, because it felt like the therapist was warding us off using the boundaries like a cross to a vampire. He didn't actually deny it, but he said that if a therapist ever had to use the boundaries that way, he had let them get sloppy to begin with. And he said that he never felt like he needed to use the boundaries to ward me off because I had pretty good boundaries myself. I still think talk of boundaries makes me feel a bit... Oh, I don't know. Like the bottomless pit of need I am?
He says I can feel sad or angry with him while he's gone if I like. And he closed by saying that as always I could call him if I needed him. Some imp of mischief led me to ask if I could call if I just wanted to (I guess because of all that talk about boundaries). I got a bit of amusement out of the flicker of fear in his eyes while he hesitated before saying yes. And laughed and told him that of course I wouldn't. And he laughed and said that he knew that, so he felt free to say yes. I mentioned the flicker of fear. :) To his credit, he didn't deny it.
It was a good session. Laid back and relaxing the way I like it. But not really superficial.
Posted by Shortelise on July 29, 2005, at 11:46:35
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
That's great Dinah. Both you and GG brought big smiles to my face today. Thanks!
I'm so glad for you.ShortE
Posted by happyflower on July 29, 2005, at 12:01:45
In reply to Re: Whew. A good session., posted by Shortelise on July 29, 2005, at 11:46:35
I like your T ! He is so sweet! :) Good going on yuur last session. Certainly leaving with a smile on your face will help the days go quicker! You are funny too, Dinah!
Posted by Annierose on July 29, 2005, at 12:47:34
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
So happy for you! It must feel so good to tell him that you love him as a person, and for him to receive it in the way it was meant. Sounds like a great session.
Now you can go over that session in your head a few times (or more :) while you both are away. And we are always here too.
Annierose
Posted by JenStar on July 29, 2005, at 14:34:54
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
hi Dinah,
it sounds kind of like you're in uncharted territory with your T -- you've been in therapy so long with the same person that your relationship can't help but become richer and more layered that the "beginner" client/T relationship. And it's an intensely personal and meaningful relationship even though it's sort of "superficial" in other ways (the friendship way) because it's gone on so long and because you've both changed throughout.And maybe he's learning how to do it right along with you - hence the flickers of fear, worry, humor, etc. I like that he doesn't deny things, and he admits other things. It sounds like he's very honest.
I'm glad your T relationship is going strong!
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 14:57:23
In reply to Re: Whew. A good session. » Dinah, posted by JenStar on July 29, 2005, at 14:34:54
It helps so much to have warm feelings to carry away instead of anger and the fear that comes with anger.
I'm not sure I managed to convey the tone of the session as well as I managed to convey the particulars. It was sort of lazy and warm. And intense despite it.
I have *always* appreciated his willingness to be honest with me. He might not (and probably should not) tell me the entire truth. But he appears to manage to avoid lying. Well, almost always. He lied to me once, but it was about something personal and I never really held it against him, even when I discovered the truth after worrying silently about what he might be lying about for six months. (Ok, maybe I did a bit or I wouldn't remember it, would I?) I discovered that time what a very bad liar he is. Which is sort of good.
And Jenstar, you're right. I'm his longest term client by several years now, and he says that since he has never had a client this long he'll learn with me where the relationship will go.
It's funny. He's certainly not without his flaws as a therapist. But he's even more certainly not without his strengths.
Posted by LadyBug on July 29, 2005, at 22:35:24
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
I love it when the session goes well and we come away feeling good. I'm happy for you!!!
LadyBug
Posted by fallsfall on July 30, 2005, at 8:22:03
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
I'm glad that you can bring a sense of calm to your time away from him. I hope your vacation is fun.
Posted by Poet on July 30, 2005, at 14:07:44
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
Posted by Tamar on July 31, 2005, at 16:34:49
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
> Some imp of mischief led me to ask if I could call if I just wanted to (I guess because of all that talk about boundaries). I got a bit of amusement out of the flicker of fear in his eyes while he hesitated before saying yes. And laughed and told him that of course I wouldn't. And he laughed and said that he knew that, so he felt free to say yes. I mentioned the flicker of fear. :) To his credit, he didn't deny it.
That made me laugh so much! I'm on my own in the house but people outside are looking in...
It reminds me of the time I had a therapy break because I was having a baby. We planned a break of four weeks. I wrote the date in my diary and my therapist said, "Of course, you can phone and arrange to see me before then if you need to." And then he added, "Or if you want to." And I said, "Even if I just want to gaze at your pretty face?" No, I'm kidding; I didn't say it, but I really wanted to.
I'm glad you had a good session and that you didn't fight.
Tamar
Posted by gardenergirl on July 31, 2005, at 20:15:12
In reply to Whew. A good session., posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:42:45
That sounds like a lovely session before a break from each other.
And I hope your vacation goes well.
take care,
gg
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