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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on July 14, 2005, at 23:20:48
It would seem that people actually read ALOUD stuff they write. Is that better? Should I do that even if it really is hard? I could do it I expect if I KNEW it was an especially good thing. I have given my T. stuff I've written when I can't think or speak and she just reads it and maybe reads some stuff aloud herself and it so makes me squirm and blank out. I sent her a nice poem on her fax as a thank you for something she had photocopied for me. She said thanks and some other stuff but I just kind blanked and was weirded out. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get ahead. This is costing $$$ that I'd rather spend on a weekend away (or 3 or 4!!!) with the kids. So when things are really hard to do, is this a good sign? Should I just get ahold of my ovaries (don't got balls!) and be tough? I wanto get down to business. I think I goto get ahold of a copy of that book, In Session, but that is easier said than done. Verbose on the keyboard eh! Heaven help my T. if I ever do start talking!!!
Posted by Poet on July 18, 2005, at 21:44:45
In reply to Read what you write?, posted by muffled on July 14, 2005, at 23:20:48
Hi Muffled,
I hand things to my T and run out the door, including poems. I was trying to journal for awhile, without censoring it, and leaving it with her, but I started ripping it up.
I can't read anything out loud to her. I'm uncomfortable if she reads, even silently, in front of me. I hardly talk in therapy, too. There's a bunch of us who sit there in silence, you have good company.
Poet
Posted by muffled on July 18, 2005, at 22:44:31
In reply to Re: Read what you write? » muffled, posted by Poet on July 18, 2005, at 21:44:45
> Hi Muffled,
>
> I hand things to my T and run out the door, including poems. I was trying to journal for awhile, without censoring it, and leaving it with her, but I started ripping it up.
>
> I can't read anything out loud to her. I'm uncomfortable if she reads, even silently, in front of me. I hardly talk in therapy, too. There's a bunch of us who sit there in silence, you have good company.
>
> PoetThanks for the reply poet. I am getting better at talking, as long as its not too personal!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even use my T,s name. I scarcely look at her.
I have thought of leaving her my journal, she has read parts of it, but I'm afraid she'll somehow, I don't know, like mebbe look down on me or something. Or HORRORS what is she doesn't want to read it (rejection!!!!).Or maybe its asking too much, I should pay her for her time to read it. I ............ the whole thing frazzles me. But I want her to know me so she can help me.It costs alot of $$$ so I goto hurry up and get my act together and get on with my life.Heres a prose I wrote and where i got my name from, it describes me some.
Comming out of the mist
Sometimes seeing more clearly
Glimpses of reality
Beautiful and free
Then falling back to the mist
That surrounds me
I can't see
I am lost
I am alone
Everything is muffled
Muted
What is real?
Acting in a play
Trying so hard to get it right
And getting it wrong
Crying out
Help me
Please
Its absorbed into the mist
No one can hear
I am alone
I want to be safe
I want to be OK
I want to be valued
I want to be good
I want to help others
I want to be nurtured
I want to be holy
I want to cry
But I don't know how.Thanks for listening.
Posted by Poet on July 19, 2005, at 19:07:37
In reply to Re: Read what you write?, posted by muffled on July 18, 2005, at 22:44:31
Hi Muffled,
You should post your prose on the writing board.
I understand wanting to get your act together and get on with your life. I've been in therapy for three years (okay, three years in a month) and it is so slow and I blame myself. My T says slow is good, I am making progress, but I want to just go warp speed. Without talking to her, of course.
Poet
Posted by muffled on July 19, 2005, at 21:46:14
In reply to Re: Read what you write? » muffled, posted by Poet on July 19, 2005, at 19:07:37
Posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 0:25:10
In reply to Read what you write?, posted by muffled on July 14, 2005, at 23:20:48
I read most of what I write and bring to sessions outloud now. It works really well for me,especially on Mondays when it is hard to get started again. It gives us a jumping off point. It was really hard when I started bringing in my writings, he had gently asked to see some of my stuff "sometime" but I felt like I was "cheating" because I was supposed to just say it. But I write so much more honestly. When I told him I felt like this he agreed that I was "brutally" honest in my writings and he liked being able to see what I am thinking. But he also said he likes when I read my stuff to him, because he learns alot about how I feel from how I read it. I skip some stuff, I read faster in parts or I bring the paper in front of my face.
If you read some of my posts from last spring and summer, you will see that I frequently received writing assignments as "homework." My therapist figured out that writing for me was a powerful tool so he encouraged it, both as a way to help contain some of my feelings and as a way to move toward talking about how I felt about him and therapy.
One of the things I've learned is that you have to make a commitment to yourself to read it. Because it sounds like a great idea until you are in there and then, for me, I feel sort of stupid. Why can't I just "say" it? But I can't, so reading it allows me to get it out and then we talk about it. Sometimes it is really hard when I write lots of different things, because then he'll say, what do you want to start with? And "you pick" doesn't usually work. :) So try not to take in too many pages to read at the same time, you want time to process her reaction to what you've written, or to clarify things.
Interestingly enough, my younger sides "spoke" to my therapist through my writings first. These feelings were showing up in sessions but they really came out on paper. It was extraordinary to be able to write in two voices, two age states.
Try to take stuff and read it. I read your poem, it was beautiful. You obviously have a lot to say. FORCE yourself to read it. It is so worth it.
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2005, at 15:05:43
In reply to Re: Read what you write? » muffled, posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 0:25:10
Thanks Daisym. Its so good of you to take time and write. If you don't mind can I show your reply to my T.?It makes sense,thanks,
Posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 20:54:17
In reply to Re: Read what you write? » daisym, posted by muffled on July 24, 2005, at 15:05:43
Feel free to use my reply if it is helpful. I'm glad it made sense. Not every therapist is willing to do this, I hope yours is. I think some of them are afraid that writing processes the emotions too much, that you aren't "in the moment" and really feeling the feelings. But I see it as a very personal thing to be sharing, something I've never done, with anyone, before.
It took me awhile to tell my therapist about Babble, I still don't use the name. But he's been impressed with what he calls the depth of thinking here. Occasionally he still has to remind me that HE didn't do some of the horrible things we've read about here and he goes nuts about the web sites that talk up watching out for over-dependant clients, vicarious traumatization and other things like that. My abandonment fears get triggered and he tells me not to do that to myself. I took in the long conversation that Tamar and I had about feelings for your therapist and gave him all of it. We were going to read it together, but it got pushed aside by other things. I think it was last Monday that he said that he had finally just read it on his own and he really wanted to talk about it when I was ready. He thought there were a number of interesting threads to follow up on. So -- writing can be a very useful tool, even if you can't make yourself read stuff.
I'd love to know how your discussion goes.
Daisy
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2005, at 23:19:25
In reply to Re: Read what you write? » muffled, posted by daisym on July 24, 2005, at 20:54:17
This is the end of the thread.
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