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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on July 3, 2005, at 20:20:21
How did your T act during the session that you came back? What did they say? How did you act? Did it change the way he does therapy with you? Did they put up bigger boundries? Just a few simple questions, lol :) So how do you "kiss and make up" with your T? lol
Posted by daisym on July 3, 2005, at 22:55:51
In reply to ? for those who hastly quit therapy and came back, posted by happyflower on July 3, 2005, at 20:20:21
I haven't actually "quit" and not gone back. I've left messages saying "this is too hard, I'm taking a break" some other such thing.
Usually my therapist calls and says something like, "you sound really upset. Let's talk about why you need to take a break and see if it is the best thing to do." Usually he'll talk me into coming in to explore the idea with him. Once I'm in there, the emotions flood and all the stuff that made me want to quit comes out and we sort through it. He has never been defensive about my criticisms and he often reframes things as "you blame therapy for the pain. I can see why you would." He will ask if he is pushing me too hard or if there is something I need from him that I'm not getting. He always wants to just talk things out. And he owns his half of the bargain to keep therapy going.
Typically when this stuff happens we strategize how to do things differently. When I was having a lot of trouble opening up on Mondays, we pushed Wed into Tuesday so that I could follow up right away and not be head banging so much about "wasting his time." I think I've written this before, but we now have an agreement that he won't let me just quit. I've asked him to please remind me that I really don't just want to walk away but if my pride is wounded enough, I won't call or come in. He promised he wouldn't let me just leave, we'd talk about it first. I know it is my choice but I'm glad he will ask, "are you sure?"
Last time I pulled away he just flat out told me that he knew I needed to do that but that he would "hold down the fort and keep the connection alive." And he did. So no, he didn't put up bigger boundaries. If anything, he reaches beyond them more assertively than he usually does to remind me that therapy is important for ME and I need to allow it to be important in my schedule.
I don't think your therapist will be angry with you. It is one of those things that will probably move you to a different level in your relationship. Rupture and repair is what therapy is really about. Learning that you can live through it, and still have a relationship.
I wish I could make time go faster for you.
Posted by antigua on July 7, 2005, at 11:57:45
In reply to ? for those who hastly quit therapy and came back, posted by happyflower on July 3, 2005, at 20:20:21
When I've quit (more than once) my T, like Daisy's, has always asked me to come back and at least discuss it. She is usually focused on clearing up any disagreement and then she goes to work on my resistent. I've left wondering if I would go back, but she leaves it by telling me that my time is my time and she won't fill it for the time being. It has taken me a couple of weeks to go back, but I've always gone back.
My T has always validated my feelings but tends to point out the distortions in my thinking. Can't say I always agree with her, but I do concede that she has a right to her opinion.
antigua
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