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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cricket2 on June 30, 2005, at 13:13:49
Been thinking about you.
Is everything okay?
Babblemail me if you'd like.
Posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2005, at 14:14:12
In reply to Dinah?, posted by cricket2 on June 30, 2005, at 13:13:49
Posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2005, at 14:14:43
In reply to Dinah?, posted by cricket2 on June 30, 2005, at 13:13:49
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2005, at 18:12:15
In reply to Dinah?, posted by cricket2 on June 30, 2005, at 13:13:49
In a bad enough mood that I don't want to subject anyone to it.
Things may be looking up. Or maybe not.
Work troubles remain.
But my 14 year old pup is out of the hospital and the oxygen for a while at least.
Posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2005, at 18:15:18
In reply to I've been hibernating, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2005, at 18:12:15
Don't hibernate.. What can I do to help you feel better?
Posted by cricket2 on July 1, 2005, at 19:17:48
In reply to I've been hibernating, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2005, at 18:12:15
I'm glad you're okay.
Work troubles seem to be all over the board these days.
I recently got demoted at work myself, but of course I've walled that all off and am not even thinking about it.
I'm glad your puppy is okay. I love animals of all kinds but I am afraid to get them because I know they will break my heart.
Posted by daisym on July 1, 2005, at 22:58:58
In reply to I've been hibernating, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2005, at 18:12:15
I'm sorry about the work troubles, I guess I can relate. I'm glad your puppy is feeling a little better.
Let's try to hook up in Open over the weekend, OK? We can whine at each other...
(((Dinah)))
Posted by Jen Star on July 2, 2005, at 0:17:43
In reply to I've been hibernating, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2005, at 18:12:15
hi Dinah,
I hope you come out of the hibernation feeling refreshed and happy! Take care of yourself. I hope you're well and that the pup is well and that you have a great 4th of July weekend. :)JenStar
Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:07:48
In reply to Re: I've been hibernating » Dinah, posted by Jen Star on July 2, 2005, at 0:17:43
At my special therapy session Wednesday, I didn't really stick to the topic it was called for. For the first time ever in therapy, I spoke in obscenities, expressing my rage at myself. Mainly about work, although there is more to it than work.
I was so sure that stretching my brain would help me work better. I was feeling so good. But in the end, I worked *less* than usual, not more. So that's not the answer. Going back to school is a time impossibility. So I'm sitting staring at the admission form, knowing I can't do it. Because I'm not getting my work done now.
I hate myself so much for that. Because I *can* do it. I've done it in the past. I can't blame anything for it. I just don't do it. We went round and round in therapy with my therapist basically saying that I needed to make different choices to get my work done. And me saying OF COURSE I knew that. But that the fact was that I didn't make those choices, and I haven't made those choices, and I hate myself every minute for not making those choices, that I'm terrified of failure, yet STILL I don't make the choices that would let me get the work done. And I hate myself for that. I just HATE myself. And he'd say that was unproductive, and I was ok, I just needed to make different choices. And it would start over. You'd need to sprinkle in a whole lot of totally uncharacteristic obscenity that is totally out of character for me, and not allowable on Babble anyway.
And...
I said something in anger because my dog urinated right in front of me in the house that morning. Then when I got home she had to go to the hospital. It didn't look good for her. I know most people don't believe in the fates. In fact, most of Friday's session was about my belief in the fates. But I do believe that if you say something you don't mean, the fates will intervene and make it happen in a way you really don't want it to happen. I tried to take back what I said, but I was afraid it didn't work. It looks as if she'll live a bit longer, at least longer enough that it won't be my fault if she dies.
I'm really not fit company right now. :(
Posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 12:23:16
In reply to Therapy Wednesday, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:07:48
I am sorry you are having such a hard time Dinah. (((Dinah)))
I hope your doggie is going to be ok.. It is such a hard thing to lose a pet.
For work problems, would it help you if you say to yourself, it is allright if you are not at your best for now.. and allow yourself only to do enough to get by? Sometimes I do that - when I am overwhelmed, I just do enough to keep myself doing the minimal work required, instead of beating myself up about not working 100 %. I just do minimal - say 10 % or 20 % - enough to keep the job. Can you just try that??
Going back to school might actually be a good idea becuase I felt a distraction almost always helps. But chose a line of study which is not anything related to work - some exotic area like music or something, which will not make you feel more guilty.
Posted by fallsfall on July 2, 2005, at 13:07:24
In reply to Therapy Wednesday, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:07:48
Posted by partlycloudy on July 2, 2005, at 13:45:15
In reply to Therapy Wednesday, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:07:48
Dinah -
I don't usually have much to add to your perceptive posts, but I must wrestle this branch away with which you are beating yourself!!
Consider: the woman who has had so much personal loss this past year; the physical stresses you are under; the medication difficulties you're in the midst of; more puppy health concerns...How about: giving yourself a big break? Instead of setting bigger and better goals for yourself (more education! more productivity at work!), how about taking more basic care of Dinah? So you feel better about how you feel physically? I don't personally think that you have cut yourself any slack in the past six months. And *Hate* is not a word I would like any of my friends use to describe themselves. It's particularly worrisome to see you apply it to yourself.
Please, Dinah. Take it easy - the education will be there when you are ready for it. If you're anxious about filling in the application paperwork, then perhaps waiting a bit longer would be better for you?
a concerned
pc
Posted by Tamar on July 2, 2005, at 16:50:27
In reply to Therapy Wednesday, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2005, at 10:07:48
Hi Dinah,
Sorry, my brain's just not fully engaged at the moment, but I did want to reply to your comments about the fates.
I am familiar with the worry of saying something and then fearing/believing it will come true, and the scariness of finding myself in a situation that seems to be a response to something said in a moment of anger or fear or some other strong emotion.
Then my father told me something he claimed he'd heard from a friend. The basic idea is that if you say something outrageous, you follow it with "God forbid." For example, if someone is driving dangerously, "He should crash that car - God forbid."
So you get to express the intensity of your emotion while at the same time indicating that you don't really want something awful to happen. I guess the theory is that God/the universe/fate understands that it's just an outburst and so you don't incur divine retribution/bad karma/personal misery for it because you're not wishing real harm on someone else.
It works for me; maybe it could be helpful to you.
Tamar
Posted by Tamar on July 2, 2005, at 16:51:01
In reply to Warding off the fates, posted by Tamar on July 2, 2005, at 16:50:27
Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2005, at 9:55:43
In reply to Warding off the fates, posted by Tamar on July 2, 2005, at 16:50:27
Thanks, Tamar. :)
You know, it feels good just to have someone not scoff. My therapist "feels sorry" for me to live in such a scary world. I know he doesn't believe in the fates.
I even know intellectually that I'm probably experiencing... oh drat. Beardedlady introduced me to the concept. Noticing things more once they've been brought to your attention. Can't recall the word.
But gut level, I know what's happened in my life, and I don't want it to happen again. All the intellectual realizations in the world don't change that.
My therapist wants me to do research on what the fates were. Sigh.
Thank you, ((((Tamar)))).
Posted by Dinah on July 3, 2005, at 9:57:18
In reply to Re: Therapy Wednesday » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on July 2, 2005, at 13:45:15
I'm getting more work done.
Apparently hurling obscenities at myself actually does help matters.
Sigh. It's not a recent phenomenon. I've not been a good employee for five years, since Daddy retired.
And I know I can be, I'm just not.
I need to win that lottery.
This is the end of the thread.
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