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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I feel like I'm still carrying my T around in my head with me--I talk to him sometimes. But then there are so many times when I'm glad he's not here at all, when I'm feeling at my worst (or when I just roll out of bed, lol). But if you could pick one ordinary activity you would like to do with your T, what would it be?
Mine would be dancing. I am petite, and all the men I've ever danced with have been waaaaay taller than me. I've always envied girls who can put their heads on their partner's shoulder. I've never been matched in height with a man like that. (Well except in middle school, when I was taller than all the boys, but whenever I danced in middle school I always tried not to touch the boy TOO much.)
Anyway, the unique thing about my former T is that he was my height. I am positive that I could have put my head on his shoulder. Sigh...I would have liked simply being close to him too.
I discovered this week, while I was away from my fiance (who is 11 inches taller than me BTW) that I almost craved touch. My cousin, who is my age, took me out on the quad for an afternoon. Even though we are pretty much like brother and sister, I found such a huge comfort in having to sit close to him on the quad, and hang on for dear life. I wouldn't have had that comfort with a man who is not related to me and therefore could be attracted to me. I think I would have that same comfort from dancing with my T, too. Somehow that whole scenerio is safe to me, and now that I think about it, it speaks volumes about our relationship.
Posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 1:00:47
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I'd want him to drop by my office for coffee. I love showing off our kid's room and all the stuff we've done. And my office is pretty telling about me. So I want to share it with him. I guess I want him to see that I *can* be competent and put together sometimes.
Or maybe I just want to get him on my couch, turn the tables so to speak, for a change. (evil grin.)
Posted by annierose on June 25, 2005, at 7:39:02
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » messadivoce, posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 1:00:47
I would like to have my T and her family over for a nice dinner on our patio. Of course, the fantasy only works if my oldest daughter behaves properly and my cooking improves.
Posted by Tamar on June 25, 2005, at 8:08:13
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I would also say dancing. I'd love to dance with my former therapist. I'd particularly like to dance with him in the kind of formal dances people use to do in previous centuries. People would get all dressed up, and there was some touching, but it wasn't too intimate.
I used to like the way my therapist moved. I bet he'd be a really good dancer. But somehow, even if he isn't a good dancer I'd still like to dance with him.
Posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 9:50:47
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
Hi,
that's very sweet and moving to think about-
that sense of safety..i made a video for my T of my appartment, my fish and all the things that are important to me. I wanted her to see another side of me. And I do have the fantasy of her seeing me at work -i'm a teacher- I feel she would not recognize the person I can become in that setting...(so different from the little, needy girl i feel most of the time).
i would also like her to come to my house to have tea or something.
or I'd like her to hold me safely for a long long time and tell me she won't let anyone hurt me.
or i'd like to do a trip with her so Icould have a lot of hours to feel safe by her side.
I can dream, can't I ? ;-)
Frida
> I feel like I'm still carrying my T around in my head with me--I talk to him sometimes. But then there are so many times when I'm glad he's not here at all, when I'm feeling at my worst (or when I just roll out of bed, lol). But if you could pick one ordinary activity you would like to do with your T, what would it be?
>
> Mine would be dancing. I am petite, and all the men I've ever danced with have been waaaaay taller than me. I've always envied girls who can put their heads on their partner's shoulder. I've never been matched in height with a man like that. (Well except in middle school, when I was taller than all the boys, but whenever I danced in middle school I always tried not to touch the boy TOO much.)
>
> Anyway, the unique thing about my former T is that he was my height. I am positive that I could have put my head on his shoulder. Sigh...I would have liked simply being close to him too.
>
> I discovered this week, while I was away from my fiance (who is 11 inches taller than me BTW) that I almost craved touch. My cousin, who is my age, took me out on the quad for an afternoon. Even though we are pretty much like brother and sister, I found such a huge comfort in having to sit close to him on the quad, and hang on for dear life. I wouldn't have had that comfort with a man who is not related to me and therefore could be attracted to me. I think I would have that same comfort from dancing with my T, too. Somehow that whole scenerio is safe to me, and now that I think about it, it speaks volumes about our relationship.
>
>
Posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 9:53:00
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » messadivoce, posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 9:50:47
You got me thinking ;-)
she's been telling me how important it is for me to visit my father's grave (he s.a me). I can't yet.
I imagine my T with me, holding my hand and then telling me I'm safe and no one will hurt me and she will protect me..I imagine her spending that day with me, having a coffee somewhere, talking with me, giving me a safe, comforting hug and letting me cry with her.i wish I could have these things..
Frida
Posted by Shortelise on June 25, 2005, at 10:42:44
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I haven't thought about this in a long time, but I used to want to go for a walk with him. And now that I think about it, if I go to my next appointment, a month from now, I would love it if we could go for a walk and talk. It would never happen, we'd have to talk about it for so long my time would be up.
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 10:46:41
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » messadivoce, posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 9:50:47
What a great idea!
I'm not sure my therapist has an adequate sense of my day to day functioning. Taking pictures of my house would be a great way of bringing that home.
I know he didn't get a good grasp of my mother until two things. I brought in pictures of her house, and hoarding activities. And I told him how she refused to have a hospital bed in her house for my dying dad, and pitched a temper tantrum in front of the nurse from hospice over it.
Sometimes things can't be adequately conveyed.
Hmmm...
It would be even better if he'd get an idea of the dynamics in my family. I wonder if husband and son would like to be videotaped for a few days. :)
Posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 10:54:26
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
<<I wouldn't have had that comfort with a man who is not related to me and therefore could be attracted to me.>>
Oops, sorry guys...I know that not everyone has had this experience. :-( But for me, at least, this has been true with my male relatives in my extended family.
Posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 10:57:37
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » messadivoce, posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 9:50:47
<<or i'd like to do a trip with her so I could have a lot of hours to feel safe by her side.>>
Funny you should say that. I used to hope (still do I guess) that I would sit next to my T on an airplane. Then there would be nowhere he could go, unless he changed seats, and I don't think he would do that to me. But we would have all that uninterrupted time to talk, and me to revel in his presence. :-)
Posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 11:00:29
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » frida, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 10:46:41
:-)
that made me smile.
i did that for her two months ago or so. She loved it :-) The video lasted an hour and a bit more. She watched it, called me afterwards...
in a part of it I watched her my house, books, things that are meaningful to me, childhood teddy bear, I put on music that is meaningful to me, I videotaped my fish, my kitties (with me holding them), me interacting with my fish too..my plants, things I keep in my house to feel her close to me - like the plants that she loves, a book she gave me...then I talked in front of the camera for some time, in a way that I can't face to face.
She truly liked it and it helped her to see my day-to-day life..I videotaped small, everyday things..like the material for my classes, my drawings, everything I could :-)
Pictures helped too..
but this, I found, gave her a much more clear and real idea of how I live day-to-day..my things, my home...what comforts me and sustains me...
it made me feel closer to her, to be able to share my home and things in a more tangible way. I think it truly helps and creates closeness.If you have the chance, it is great to do it and share... :-)
Frida
> What a great idea!
>
> I'm not sure my therapist has an adequate sense of my day to day functioning. Taking pictures of my house would be a great way of bringing that home.
>
> I know he didn't get a good grasp of my mother until two things. I brought in pictures of her house, and hoarding activities. And I told him how she refused to have a hospital bed in her house for my dying dad, and pitched a temper tantrum in front of the nurse from hospice over it.
>
> Sometimes things can't be adequately conveyed.
>
> Hmmm...
>
> It would be even better if he'd get an idea of the dynamics in my family. I wonder if husband and son would like to be videotaped for a few days. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on June 25, 2005, at 11:06:05
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » Dinah, posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 11:00:29
I would like to just sit and talk psychology with him. Oh yes, and work there. He'd be such a great supervisor.
I'd love to see his garden and show him mine and talk gardening stuff, too.
gg
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:07:15
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » Dinah, posted by frida on June 25, 2005, at 11:00:29
I think I will. :)
Thanks for the idea.
Posted by LadyBug on June 25, 2005, at 14:54:00
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I'd love to go to my sisters cabin. It's bigger and nicer than my house I live in! It in in a neat little resort town in the mountains. We could sit on the deck and talk for hours about our lives. The deck faces pine trees and lots of times some deer will come walking through. I love nature. We could spend time down at the lake watching the sunset as we sit on the beach in the sand. We could go for out on the boat for a few hours driving around the lake enjoying the beauty. One night I would BBQ some steaks. After we would have a fire in the fireplace on the deck. We would roast marshmallows and make s'mores! After we would come in make popcorn and watch a movie!
Another day would be spent at the lake again, just haning out on the beach chatting for several hours. We'd take a lunch with us and lots of ice cold Diet Coke!
We'd spend some time at the pool sitting on the side and just chatting and enjoying lots of sunshine and again the beauty of the mountatins.
I have actually done this several times with my sister, our mom and our daughters. (Girls getaway) I have always wanted to take my T. along!!!!!!
I could go on with this dream for days!!!!!!!!!
LadyBug
Posted by jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 16:08:44
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff, posted by LadyBug on June 25, 2005, at 14:54:00
A walk at the local garden, it's so beautiful and peaceful. I"ve thought about that. It would be really nice.
Jazzy
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 26, 2005, at 8:07:28
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff » LadyBug, posted by jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 16:08:44
Two different things.
1. The regressed part of me would like to go over and sit by her and put my head on her lap while she stroked my hair. Like a mommy and her daughter.
2. I'd like for her to meet my cats. I've brought in many pix through the years, but that isn't the same as meeting them personally. I think she understands how I treat them like children. I suspect that she does the same with hers. :)
EE
Posted by frida on June 26, 2005, at 11:56:40
In reply to Re: Ordinary stuff, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 26, 2005, at 8:07:28
Hi,I'd love the same things!
the first, i truly truly feel the ache..I'd love for her to stroke my hair and hold me as a little girl.
and what I did because I wanted her to truly "see" my cats and the way I interact with them, was to include them in a video I made for her :-)
in the video I'm calling one of my cats, he comes to me, purrs a lot, I hold him, he answers in his own language, and does all that he always does. It was wonderful to share this with her. At least she could see my cats as they are :-)I also shared my fish with her.love
Frida> Two different things.
>
> 1. The regressed part of me would like to go over and sit by her and put my head on her lap while she stroked my hair. Like a mommy and her daughter.
>
> 2. I'd like for her to meet my cats. I've brought in many pix through the years, but that isn't the same as meeting them personally. I think she understands how I treat them like children. I suspect that she does the same with hers. :)
>
> EE
Posted by littleone on June 26, 2005, at 21:34:52
In reply to Ordinary stuff, posted by messadivoce on June 25, 2005, at 0:41:41
I would like to spend the day with him in my garden. Weeding and pruning and whatnot. And I don't mean for the extra pair of hands. But rather because I find weeding really relaxing and soothing and you can talk or not talk and I can just be close to him. I would tell him about some of my plants and we could play with my kitty.
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