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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:22
I am strangely phobic about men. I feel like (don't really believe) that they are really dangerous. I have a really hard time trusting men. I get to talk about this in therapy right now and it is very unpleasant. Somehow I'm not afraid of the men on babble, but I also know they understand emotions and can be sensitive to them. When it comes to the "real" and thus sucky world I have a real problem relating to men. Are men inherently evil? no offense intended by the question.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 21:54:13
In reply to anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:22
Yep, but not in the intrinsicly evil kind of way. For me it's like most men are going to be mean and not like me. I get incredibly high anxiety around a lot of men, and can't carry on a conversation, oh well.....that's with a lot of ppl, but moreso with men.
Guess it has to do a lot with how we were raised, and how our fathers/brothers/uncles/ect. were to us.
Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 22:04:04
In reply to anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:22
>>Are men inherently evil?
i really dont think so.
But I sometimes think some women are.I agree with Jazzy, that it has to do with how we are raised.
Posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:24:31
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men? » sleepygirl, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 22:04:04
> >>Are men inherently evil?
>
> i really dont think so.
> But I sometimes think some women are.Boy, ya got that right! I guess just some ppl are, even some kids are pretty toxic, and they grow up to be toxic adults.
Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 23:17:41
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men? » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:24:31
>>Boy, ya got that right! I guess just some ppl are, even some kids are pretty toxic, and they grow up to be toxic adults.
yup its very very scary.
I think men tend to be more physically agressive but women are more malicious. But women are aggressive too...so its hard to say. But I can understand the fear, I hope I didnt take away from that. It is a totally real and valid one.
Posted by MichaelJr on June 24, 2005, at 4:10:57
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 23:17:41
I am male and have similar issues with women. I am frightened when I'm around them! also, I tended to attract not so nice women in my first couple of relationships. so I felt that all women were bad, similar to what you are thinking about men.
I haven't really dated for awhile, but I met one nice girl. I did my usual and pushed her away quickly. but I think you can find some nice guys, since I think there are some nice girls out there. maybe try not to be so cynical and hopefully after you do some work with your therapist, you will start to attract the nicer, more emotionally available men. thats what Im hoping will happen for me.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:22:08
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by MichaelJr on June 24, 2005, at 4:10:57
For me it seems like men are more easy going. They don't seem to hold grudges or act over emotional if you happen to look at them wrong.
Maybe it is because my mother was the evil one in my past life, then I have my husbands ex who is a totally b*tch, my oldest stepdaughter from h*ll, and a mean mother in law. So I guess women close to me, hasn't been all that great. It isn't all women, in fact I have another stepdaughter who I adore, and I have good relationships with mothers of boyfriends. But if I had a choice of working with men or women, I would choose guys. They just seem to easier to work with. But that has just been my experiece.
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 7:25:40
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by rainbowbrite on June 23, 2005, at 23:17:41
but women are more malicious. But women are aggressive too...so its hard to say. But I can understand the fear, I hope I didnt take away from that. It is a totally real and valid one.
And, OMGosh, I have 2 teen/pre-teen daughters. They are nice girls, but talk about vicious! Wow, when girlfriends fight nowdays, it's unbelieveable what they say to each other! My girls show me what's IM'd to them sometimes. Good thing they're not physical!Jazzy
Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 8:27:56
In reply to anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:22
I think men are very much like women: basically human. Some men are good, some are bad. Same thing with women. I don’t really believe anyone’s *inherently* evil, though sometimes I see stories on the news that challenge that belief.
I think, though, that it’s common to heave a fear of the opposite sex if you’ve had a bad experience with members of the opposite sex. I’ve been afraid of men from time to time because of some of my experiences. But most of the time I love men; I’ve been lucky enough to have lots and lots of very nice experiences with men and they usually outweigh the nastier things.
I think it’s harder to understand men if you think of them as fundamentally unlike women. It’s easier to understand them if you think of them as basically like us but with fewer curves…
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 24, 2005, at 10:29:13
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men? » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 7:25:40
>>And, OMGosh, I have 2 teen/pre-teen daughters. They are nice girls, but talk about vicious! Wow, when girlfriends fight nowdays, it's unbelieveable what they say to each other! My girls show me what's IM'd to them sometimes. Good thing they're not physical!
They are viscious at that age!! Not all, but at that age I think the ones who are going to be the meanest are at their peak. And it still is bad at my age, its sad how insecure some women are...I guess thats why they are like that?I have been witness to teen girls talking and OMFG....how did they get like that!! they screw each other over!! I remember highschool and what went on (I was catty too) but I think at that time it was when it was just getting bad....now its FULL blown...I dont recall the cruelty that i see now!
Posted by B2chica on June 24, 2005, at 11:15:26
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:22:08
> For me it seems like men are more easy going. They don't seem to hold grudges or act over emotional if you happen to look at them wrong.
my thoughts exactly. that's why i've always had a plethera of male friends and only a few female friends.
> Maybe it is because my mother was the evil one in my past life...i agree with you here. my 'mother' was the unpredictable mean one, and have been seriously betrayed and hurt by all but one of my female friends.
so to me i have no instant trust with women. i too don't think all are bad. but are not for me when it comes to friends. malicious was a good word.so i guess i can say i have a fear of females for friends.
b2c
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 11:31:03
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men? » happyflower, posted by B2chica on June 24, 2005, at 11:15:26
Me too B2 !! But maybe we can go against all odds and become friends! I don't think there will be a women president until us women decide to get along with each other. I don't see it happening too soon.
Posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 12:01:11
In reply to anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 23, 2005, at 20:24:22
Yeah, and I'm a man! I'm also afraid of women :)
I think men do tend to be more easygoing and tend to be very activity-focused when they interact with others. I tend to have reasonably good but very superficial relationships with other men, usually based on common interests whether work, hobby or sports. Lots of acquaintances, few if any close friends.
My "real friends" tend to be women. I do tend to feel "safer" disclosing my problems to women. That's probably true for a lot of guys. But I think I'm better than most at sorting out sexual attraction from emotional closeness (or at least at recognizing when and how they mix) and tend to be perceived by women as a "safe" guy to talk to.
Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 17:16:01
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by caraher on June 24, 2005, at 12:01:11
thanks for responses. I wish men didn't seem like such strange alien people. I guess I'll have to go hang out with more of them, but how do you keep the sex out of it? possible? maybe?...
Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 17:48:08
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 17:16:01
> thanks for responses. I wish men didn't seem like such strange alien people.
Nah... they're just people like you or me. They put on their pants one leg at a time.
> I guess I'll have to go hang out with more of them,
Hanging out with men can be lots of fun!
> but how do you keep the sex out of it? possible? maybe?...
I'm a bit naughty and ever so slightly tempted to answer your question facetiously: keep your clothes on!
But seriously... you can just talk to men the same way you talk to women. You can talk about things you have in common. And it doesn't have to be about sex unless you want to go there. Simple!
Posted by TamaraJ on June 24, 2005, at 20:29:49
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 17:16:01
It's possible. I always had quite a few male friends, and have had a great time socializing with them. At one point, I shared a house with two of my guy friends, one of whom was my one of my best friends (his sister was my other best friend). I always found my guy friends easy going, easy to talk to, compassionate and sensitive (without appearing weak and wimpy) and just lots of fun to be with. So, I believe that women can be friends with men without it being about sex.
Tamara
> thanks for responses. I wish men didn't seem like such strange alien people. I guess I'll have to go hang out with more of them, but how do you keep the sex out of it? possible? maybe?...
Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 23:13:15
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men?, posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 17:48:08
OK, OK I'll keep my clothes on, :-)
-thanks,
sleepy who's not currently sleepy even though she has to get up for work in 6 hrs
Posted by sleepygirl on June 24, 2005, at 23:15:28
In reply to Re: anyone afraid of men? » sleepygirl, posted by TamaraJ on June 24, 2005, at 20:29:49
Well now that leaves some interesting possibilities for whatever reason I have not really explored. I might have to put myself in places where there are more men to interact with platonically.
Thanks,
:-) sleepy who's not presently sleepy
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